Cherry Blossom

Just about

I lay there for a long time, letting my mind wander from one memory to another. For some strange reason lyingin the room seemed to bring back old memories that i had rarely if ever recalled before. Some of them were pleasant, but others carried a trace of sadness

Suddenly i fell into the kind of deep sleep I had not had for a long time- filled with a sense of his presence. I wrung the fatigue every cell of my body drop by drop. when i woke up the hand of the clock was pointing 4:15, the light outside had changed, the shapes of the clouds were different. strangely enough, I felt a twinge of loneliness mixed with jealousy. That had been 6 months ago but it felt like something from a much remoter past. Maybe it felt that way because i had thought about it so often - too often, to
the point where it had distorted my sense of time.

Prolly because I like him so much, that i think my emotions get in the way and i cant see him clearly enough. I mean i really like him but aside from that he has a bundle of different problems that are all tangled up with each other so its hard to unravel a single one. It may take a very long time to undo them all or something could trigger them to come unravelled all at once. Its kinda like that.

He was 2 years older than me. I got to like him a lot. Whenever i was with him, I felt as if my life had finally come back to me. It gave ma a wonderful sense on relief to be with him alone. I could forget all those terrible things that had happened. Life was sometimes full of wonderful things I hadn't experienced. If only for having him made me feel that way, I feel tremendously grateful to him. I thought as long as I was with him , my troubles would stay away. Thats the most important thing for a meantally sick person as me: a sense of trust. If I put myself in this person's hands, I'll be okay. If my condition starts to worsen even the slighest bit - if a screw becomes loose he will notice right away , and with tremendous care and patience he'll fix it, he'll tighten the screw again, put all the jumbled thread back in place. If we have that sense of trust, our sickness stays away. no more *snaps*. I was so happy, life was great. I felt as if someone had pulled me out of a cold raging sea and wrapped me in a blanket and laid me in a warm bed.

I still remember, over call, we talked whole 8.5 hours. Talked about all kinds of things- music, academics, arts, mental health, life, just everything. I could see straight away he was a smart one. He knew how to hold conversations. He had clear shrewd opinions and a natural gift of drawing out other people. It was almost frightening. I couldn't tell at that time . It just struck me how frighteningly intelligent he was. But in his presence I lost any normal powers of judgement if i might have had any. He was just so beautiful. I felt so overwhelmed to the point where i saw myself as an inferior 'spicemen', a clumsy excuse for a human being who could've only have positive thoughts about him because of my own empath mind.

"Did he do something?"

Did he do something? Somethings? He fucking did a lot of things. Well let me just say that boy was pathological liar. He was sick , pure and simple. He made up everything. And while he was making up his stories, he would come to believe them. He would change the things around him to fit the story. He had such a quick mind, he could always keep a step ahead of you and take care of things that would ordinarily strike you as odd, so it would never cross your mind that he was lying. First of all none would ever suspect such of an 'mesmerizing' person would lie over the most ordinary things, I certainly didnt. He told me tons of lies for whole 6 months before i had the slighest inkling anything was wrong. He lied about everything and i never suspected. I know it might sound crazy but when i say everything i mean everything.

When people lies about something, they have to make up a bunch of lies to go with the first one. 'Mythomania' is the term for that. When any mythomaniac lies, they are usually the innocent kind and generally most people notice. But not this boy. To protect himself he would tell hurtful lies without battling an eyelid. He would use everything he would get his hands on. And he would lie more or less depending on the person he is talking to. To his people, who would know straight away, he would hardly lie, but if he had to, he would be careful that the lie wouldn't come out, or even if they did, he would find an excuse to apologise in that clingy voice of his making that victim face. So that none could be mad at him then.

I still dont know why he chose me, was i another victim to him or a source of salvation? I just dont know. Now that everything is over and that i have turned to this , it hardly matters now.

But i believe he was a person of wonderful performance and i would literally feel the same chills down my spines if i get to start all over again with him. Even after knowing all about his lies, i would still feel him the same way i did the first day when i had a sight of his saccharine smile. Yes there are such people existing in the world. All these must be coming to feel like this because little does it matter but i was simply in love. *softly smiling underneath the surface*

He was like those cherry blossom. Looked so pretty and heart warming but gone so soon:(