Raising Cordelia

Chapter 2

TW - Self Harm, Anorexia, Anxiety.

-Hailey-

My alarm went off at 6 per usual this morning and I got up and got dressed. Cordelia was around my size so I grabbed her a pair of jeans and a hoodie to wear today. 

I made my way across the living room to her door and knocked. 

"Cordelia, honey time to get up." I said gently.

"Uhh o-okay umm." I heard from behind her door which was odd because I didn't think she would be up.

"Sweetie are you okay? I brought you clothes." I said opening the door, and dropping the clothes at my feet. 

"Oh my god Cordelia sweetheart no!" I said running to her. 

She was sitting up on the bed with a razor in hand moving it back and forth over her already bloody arms.

She scrambled to her feet as I got closer to her with a panicked look in her eyes. 

"Hey it's okay, I'm not mad. Please give me the razor." I said stepping closer to her.

"No! Leave me alone!" She yelled running towards the door. 

"Cordelia!" I yelled after her. I ran as fast as I could trying to get to her before she reached the bathroom where she could lock herself in.

I got my arms around her waist and pulled her away from the door.

"No! Let me go! Get off of me!" She yelled as she began to thrash in my arms.

"No, sweetie give me the razor." I said reaching for it. When I did she tried to break free leaving me with only had one arm around her now.

I pulled her back towards me causing me to trip and the razor to fall from her hand. I stumbled to the floor with her still in my grasp and held on to her as tight as I could. 

"No-o! Let me go!" She yelled reaching for the razor. 

"No sweetie, stop. It's okay." I said trying to rock her. 

She started crying, and I finally pulled her all the way into me. My left hand over her head and my right arm holding her to me rocking slowly.

"Shh I got you. I got you." I whispered to her. 

We sat like this for about 30 minutes before she stopped crying. I sat her up and brushed some hair out of her face.

"Come on, let's clean you up." I said pulling her up with me. 

I quickly grabbed the razor off the floor and flushed it before grabbing a wash cloth out of the cabinet and wetting it. 

"Can I see your arms love?" I asked not wanting to force her.

She slowly raised her arms up for me and I gently wiped them clean. I put on some ointment and bandaids and hung the wash cloth up to dry. 

She looked up at me with sad eyes and I just hugged her. 

We didn't speak but I don't think we needed to even. 

I went and picked the clothes back up off the floor and brought them to her giving her a small smile.

After she went back to her room to change I went to change my shirt as well since there was blood on this one now. 

I usually didn't eat a huge breakfast at home since we had stuff at the district, and now there wasn't time to make her anything.

"We have cereal and stuff at the district that you can have for breakfast." I said as we got in the car. 

As we drove she stared forward in silence. She looked so little sitting there in my clothes, she looked like me when I was little honestly. This was only really gonna be a one night thing, but I can't just send her off. She needs someone constant in her life.

"Morning Trudy!" I yelled as we walked passed the front desk.

"Hey Hailey! Hi Cordelia!" She said and I turned to see Cordelia smile and wave at her.

I would probably be leaving her with Trudy during the day when we catch a case. Something I did as a kid as well. Trudy was the reason I became a cop. She had sat with me at her desk all night until the man that broke into my fathers store and beat him was caught. 

We walked upstairs to the bullpen and said hi to everyone. 

I showed Cordelia all the food we had, and she decided on a banana. I have a feeling self harm isn't all we're going to have to work on. 

"Hey Cordelia, I'm Kim. Wanna come eat at my desk with me while Hailey talks to Sarge?" I heard Burgess ask.

Cordelia nodded timidly and walked with her.

Once they got to her desk Kim showed her all the pictures on her desk and started telling her how our computer systems and things work and by the time I looked back over Cordelia was in her lap laughing and joking with Kim. 

"Alright we caught a case! Let's move out!" Hank yells and I see Cordelia jump slightly.

"Hey it's okay." Kim says setting her down next to her as she stands up. "We'll finish this later." She says ruffling Cordelia's hair as they walk towards me.

"Come on, I'll take you to Trudy you're going to stay with her while we're gone." I said as we walked down stairs.

Cordelia looked scared and I felt terrible I had to leave her but I knew she would be safe here.

"Thanks Trudy!" I yelled running out the door after pointing Cordelia in her direction. 

Jay and I hopped in the truck to head to the scene following Voight.

"Whoa Hails you okay?? You have blood on your head!" Jay nearly yelled looking concerned.

"Oh shoot, yeah I'm good it's not mine. Cordelia had, she, well okay she cut herself this morning." I said wiping the blood off.

"Poor kid. I'm not surprised after everything she's been through. You gonna find a placement for her?" He asked looking over at me.

"No. I don't know that that's what she needs right now. I'm gonna keep her with me for a while and then we'll see how things are going." I said as we pulled up to the scene.

"You're amazing you know that?" Jay said smiling as we got out.