Raising Cordelia

Chapter 9

TW - Anxiety, Depression, Anorexia, Abuse, Trauma, Self Harm, Suicide.

-Hailey-

For the next week and a half I stayed up almost all night most nights researching everyone on the list of therapists they had given us when we left the hospital. I'm exhausted but it's all worth it to help Delia. 

I've absolutely loved having her here with me, I've been looking into formally adopting her since the first night she came home with me. Though right now Trudy and some other people on her parent's case are checking for any family she can be placed with. The court always tries to place with family first which I can understand for the sake of the kids it's not like they asked to be apart of whatever mess their parents made. But in cases like Cordelia's I think it would honestly be best if she isn't with family. From what Trudy has told me majority of her relatives are the same as her parents. 

"Hailey." Trudy says calling me over as Delia, Kim, and I walk into the district. 

"Go on up with Kim I'll be right there sweetie." I say kissing the top of her head and I watch as they walk up the stairs together before turning to Trudy.

"You okay Mama Bear? You look...rough." Trudy asks raising an eyebrow at me.

"Great. Never better." I say sarcastically smirking at her.

"I've barely slept this last week, I want to make sure I find the perfect therapist for her, and I've been talking to the principal at Carter trying to see what all needs to be done to get her enrolled. And worrying about well ya know..." I say trailing off. Everyday I've walked into work I've held my breath afraid it'll be the day Trudy will tell me Delia is being taken away from me. 

"I do have some news on that last topic." Trudy says with a serious look and I'm immediately sick to my stomach. 

I watch as she grabs a big yellow envelope and carries it around her desk to where I'm standing. 

"This came for you this morning." 

I look at the envelope she's holding out to me for a solid 30 seconds before taking a deep breath and reluctantly taking it from her. I close my eyes and let out a sigh opening the envelope. I slide the papers out and slowly flip them over. Before I can think I drop the envelope and cover my mouth with my hand looking up at Trudy. She just smiles at me giving a small nod.

"These are" I start to say but I can't even get the words out. 

"The judge concluded the familial search this morning. That's all the paperwork for you to start the adoption process." Trudy says and I let out a squeal pulling her into a hug. 

"Congratulations Hailey." She says hugging me back. I'm so grateful to have gotten to walk through this process with her alongside me, it seemed fitting given our history. 

"Are you going to tell her now?" Trudy asks as I wipe the tears from my face and carefully slide the paperwork back into the envelope. 

"Actually, Kim and Natalie and I talked about throwing a small party to tell her if we found out I could move forward with the adoption." 

"Well, you let me know if you need any help. And hey, Hailey." Trudy says putting her hands on my shoulders. 

"I'm so happy for you. I know how much you love her." She says and gives me another hug.

I quickly wipe my face and hide the envelope as best as I can before walking into the squad room. I can't believe this is actually happening. I'm going to have a daughter. I truly couldn't be more excited. 

-Cordelia- 

"Delia can you come in the kitchen please sweetie?" I hear Hailey call. 

"What's up?" I say grabbing a water out of the fridge and pulling out a stool at the counter. 

"So I've been doing a ton of research on all of the therapists on the list Natalie gave us when we were leaving the hospital, and I think I've found one that you'll like." She says and I can tell she's nervous.  I am too, I'm terrified honestly.

All I can bring myself to do is nod as I feel the panic rising up from my stomach into my throat making it feel like I can't breathe. 

"Her name is Kelly, here you can read her bio and there's even a picture of her. And if you read it and she absolutely doesn't feel like a good fit then you just let me know and we can keep looking." Hailey says handing me her computer.

The first thing I see is her picture. She has super curly brown hair that frames her face, and brown eyes. She has a big smile and a tan complexion, she looks kind but intimidating at the same time. Something about her draws me in and I suddenly feel much calmer than I did only seconds ago.

"When umm, when would I meet her?" I ask shakily looking up at Hailey.

"Well she has a few openings this week as well as next week, so it's up to you how soon we do this. I don't want you to feel rushed." She says and immediately brings her hand to her mouth biting her nails.

"Does-does she have anything to-tomorrow?" I ask.

"She does, she has tomorrow at noon."

"Okay. I think I want to meet her." I tell Hailey and I see a wave of relief wash over her.

"Okay sweetie, are you sure you're comfortable doing it so soon?" 

I nod giving her as much of a smile as I can.

"Okay, I'll give her a call. I'm so proud of you Delia." Hailey says pulling me into a hug. 

"What happens if-if I..."

"If you meet her, and you don't think it's a good fit?" Hailey says finishing my sentence for me.

I nod now giving her a full smile knowing she understands me.

"Then you let me know, and that's totally fine! You're not going to hurt anyone's feelings. You're what's important here, so if you aren't comfortable all you have to do is tell me."

"Okay." I say quietly giving Hailey another hug feeling far less anxious.