Raising Cordelia

Chapter 5

TW - Self Harm, Anorexia, Depression, Anxiety, Abuse, Neglect.

-CORDELIA-

I don't entirely remember how I got here, but I can tell I'm in the hospital. "Oh no, Hailey's not here. She must've left. I knew she wouldn't want me for long. No one does." I start to think and I feel a tear run down my cheek. Just then a tall dark headed man comes into the room.

"Hi there. Glad to see you're awake. I'm Dr. Charles." He says as he pulls a chair over next to me.

"H-hi." I squeak out.

"You must be Cordelia. Is that right?" He asks, and I simply nod. 

"Where's Hailey?" I ask. I was afraid of the answer, but I needed to know if I was on my own again.

"She's just out in the waiting room. I'll send her in as soon as we're done here." He says and I sigh in relief. Maybe she actually won't leave me. 

"Those cuts on your arm, how did that happen?" Dr. Charles asks quizzically. 

When I look down I realize I wasn't wearing my hoodie anymore, only the t-shirt I had underneath and I had an IV.

"I-I umm, they." I said racking my brain for any plausible excuse, but I had nothing. I sighed and dropped my head.

"I've done this for as long as I can remember. I-I know it's not good, but it's just so-so hard to stop you know?" I say and I feel more tears run down my cheeks. 

"I do, I know this can't be easy. You're very brave for telling me that. Cordelia, can you tell me what happened at the restaurant before you came here?" He asked.

"Umm, we were eating, and" I started to say as he asked another question.

"And what were you eating?" Dr. Charles asked.

"I had fries." I said now looking at him.

"Was that all you had ordered?" He asked.

"I wasn't very hungry." I said biting my lip. He was getting too close to figuring this out and it scared me. 

"Is that normal for you? To eat small meals like that?" He asked and now I was realizing who he was. He was a psychiatrist. 

"Can I see Hailey now?" I asked just wanting this to be over.

"Almost. Cordelia, can you tell me when this all started?" He asked and that's what finally did it. I'd had enough. I just wanted Hailey, she had become my safe place in the last week.

"I don't know!! I don't know okay!! I don't like to eat!! I can't say no to anything else in my life!! That's all I have! I wanna see Hailey now!! Pleasee!!!" I said as I began to scream repeatedly as tears were falling steadily. 

"Okay, Cordelia I need you to calm down please." Dr. Charles said.

"Nooo!! Hailey!!!" I wailed now thrashing around as he tried to hold me down. I wanted him away from me.

Two doctors came running in, a girl and a guy. 

"Hey, what's going on? Cordelia, sweetie calm down." The girl said as she came over to me. 

I grabbed onto her arm and she pulled me in for a hug and rubbed my back.

"Okay, you're okay. Dr. Charles we've got it from here thank you." She said and he nodded and walked out but I didn't let go. I didn't really want to be around any men.

"You're okay. Dr. Halstead would you go get Hailey from the waiting room? I'll stay with her." She said.

"Of course." He said and walked out of the room.

"Cordelia I'm Dr. Manning, you're safe okay?" She said and I nodded and let go a little.

"What happened that made you upset?" She asked.

"He was a psychiatrist wasn't he?" I asked.

"Yes he was." 

"Is he going to take me away from Hailey now?" I asked feeling my breathing quicken.

"No, no of course not. We were just concerned, and we want to make sure we get you the right help is all." She said as Hailey came into the room.

"Hailey!" I yelled reaching for her.

"Delia! Hey sweetie! I'm so glad you're okay!" Hailey said pulling me into a hug.

As she pulled away she saw my arms and I watched as her face dropped. 

"Sweetie." She said holding my arm in her hand.

"I'm sorry." I said and dropped my head.

"No, I'm sorry I didn't notice. We're gonna get through this together okay?" She said and pulled me into another hug.

Dr. Halstead walked back in a few minutes later and told us he had talked to Dr. Charles.

"Cordelia has Major Depressive Disorder, which explains the self harm, the suicidal thoughts, etc. She also has Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and what appears to be mild PTSD as a result of the trauma she endured in her previous home. We did confirm the anorexia diagnosis, but all of this can be manageable. I know that sounds like so much, but it's not uncommon in cases of abuse and neglect like hers. We're going to start some medications, and we will get you in touch with some great therapists. Dr. Charles is not recommending that she be in In Patient at the moment given all she's been through, that wouldn't be a healthy situation for her. He thinks that will only add to her stress. Cordelia, I know this must be overwhelming and those sound like big scary things, but we also know you've had so many unknowns in your life up until now. It wouldn't be fair to discuss these things without you present." He said and for a while I just sat there.

No one has ever taken my feelings, or even just me as a person into account in any situation. I looked back and forth between Hailey and the doctors unsure what to say. 

"S-so, I get to stay with Hailey?" I asked. 

"Yes. You'll need to be in therapy and start the medications, but you can do those things with her." Dr. Manning said.

"O-okay." I said.

"Hailey, do you have any questions for us?" Dr. Halstead asked.

"No, I don't think so. Thank you guys. So much." Hailey said.

"We want to keep her over night for observation, and to give her some more fluids but we expect you'll be able to take her home tomorrow." Dr. Manning said.

"Okay, I just need to let Voight know I'll be here the rest of the day, and I'll have Kim run by the house and grab us some stuff." Hailey said as she squeezed my hand about to walk away but I was afraid to be alone. I held onto her a little tighter.

"I'll be right back I promise." She said but I was terrified.

"I'll stay with you until she's back okay?" Dr. Manning said, and I looked at her for a minute before nodding.

I have to admit it was a bit of a relief to finally not be dealing with this alone.