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IF THERE WAS ANYONE Joshua could've bared his soul to, he was glad it was Ayoluwa.
The girl had spoken true to her word and had not mentioned a word of that night.
And Joshua admired her greatly for it.
The couplewere laying down on a blanket in the backyard.
The lake was only a few feet away, the atmosphere was lit up by lightning bugs, flashlights and moonlight and the sound of laughter was between the two.
Both were barefoot and a guitar was laying above their heads from when Ayoluwa was singing to him.
"I told Dior that it was meant for a mannequin but..." Ayoluwa laughed as the two continued to trade war stories.
Her locs were mostly spread behind her head while some had floated onto her white romper.
"Stop staring at me, Joshua." Ayoluwa said with a snicker, "Acting like I can't see you or something."
He kissed his teeth at being caught, then lightly rotated his finger into one of her dimples, "Shut up, Palmer."
Ayoluwa laughed again and laced their hands together.
Joshua's gaze grew solemn as he turned back to the dark sky.
No stars were out, only the moon and even that was hidden by a passing cloud.
"Do you think my grandpa and your mom are up there?" Joshua asked in a soft tone.
Ayoluwa was quiet for a minute, "Like heaven?"
"Yeah. Or whatever is up there." He continued.
"Well," Ayoluwa started in a soft tone, "If we're going by the Bible, if that's what you believe in, then yes, hopefully and they're looking down at us right now. But if you're going by my grandma's explanation, and personally, I like this one better, than they're right here."
Joshua raised one eyebrow but remained motionless, "'Right here'? Explain please?"
"Remember how earlier this month, I was talking about how energy doesn't die? It just moves around or passes?"
"Yeah," Joshua answered, still confused.
"Well, energy is around all us, right? It's in the sun, the water, the wind, the air we breathe. I feel my mother every time I bathe in the sun, when I jump into the lake or when I sing. She never really left and your grandpa didn't you leave you either."
Joshua chuckled, "You're gonna make me cry again."
"Oh, no. Please don't, I'm sor-." Her tone was apologetic.
"I'm kidding." Joshua squeezed her hand in reassurance.
"Oh. Sorry." Ayoluwa giggled.
"So, you don't miss her?" Joshua turned to look at her again.
"Oh, I didn't say that. I miss her more than anything. I'd give anything for her to be physically here. There's so much I wanted her to be here for but that's not the way it worked out. I have my days where I miss her more than usual. Like graduation was hard in more ways than one." Ayoluwa confessed.
"I understand. Me and my grandpa used to talk about moments he would be there for all the time. You know the scariest part? I think I'm starting to forget him." Joshua muttered.
Ayoluwa turned to face him, her tawny eyes full of confusion.
"Like I'll try to remember his voice but I can't. Or the little nicknames he had for me, I don't remember any of it." Joshua confessed, "And it scares the fuck out of me."
"Josh, you know that death is inevitable right? Eventually all of us are going to fade away. All you can do is make the most of what you have. And you have a lot with your grandpa. Thousands of memories and pictures," Ayoluwa paused, "Tell me one."
"Right now?"
"Yeah."
Joshua hesitated, "In first grade, he was the one brought me my first basketball. I remember we were in Target and we were the only ones in the aisle so he grabbed this basketball that was already pumped up and we played catch right there in the aisle."
Ayoluwa was grinning, "See? He's not gone."
Joshua moved closer to give her a kiss, "I just wanna stay here with you forever."
"I would like that too but we both responsibilities waiting for us. Speaking of... How are we gonna tell our friends?" Ayoluwa whispered.
"About what?"
Ayoluwa sat up and then held up their conjoined hands.
"Oh," Joshua blanched.
Truth be told, he hadn't thought about that at all.
July was drawing hurriedly to a close and he still had to think about telling their friends.
Would it be worth continuing their relationship if he was in Arizona?
She would be staying behind to raise her niece, Ayoluwa had made that clear.
He was stuck in the situation he had feared the most: having someone who could possibly keep from forging ahead.
NOTE FROM KY this is the last happy chapter for awhile don't get too mad at me bc I'm about to fuck some shit up ❤️ do y'all want chapter 35 tonight or tomorrow? vote & comment, porfa!
