You're not so bad ~ (merdisson)

Chapter 14: "I'm fine...I promise"

(HEY SO I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT POSTING I LITERALLY HAD NO MOTIVATION TO MOVE 😂 BTW IF YOU FORGOT WHAT HAPPENED JUST SCROLL UP AND READ THE LAST FEW LINES .ENJOY☺️ ALSO MAGOR TW : SELF HARM AND ABUSE)

Addisons POV:

Meredith entered the room and immediately i could tell something was off. Her face was pale and she looked almost petrified.
"Hey" i smiled reaching for her hand, instead i was greeted by a snatch away. She gave it back tho shaking herself off to regain consciousness of the room.
"I've had time to process it and I'm kind of excited " i piped up trying to break the awkwardness.
Clearly something had happened with Derek that she wasn't going to tell me.

"Good"

We left the room and I thanked Carina for helping us before pulling Meredith into an on call room leaving her no time to Object.
The on call room (that I didn't know at the time) she had only been in minutes earlier.

"Are you ok Meredith?" I asked "what did Derek say?"

I could hear the heavy sounds of her breathing by the door as i looked over at her. She was as small as one person could possibly make themselves - tucked tightly under her arms with her face in the crook of her elbow.
"Nothing Addie it's just a little chilly in here" She mumbled. Her palm was twisted around the door handle ready to leave.

"Baby, talk to me, what did Derek say?"

"Nothing just that he had some questions about my involvement with the baby" She spoke clearer now unwrapping herself and smiling at me.

"Im fine...I promise"

I brushed it off walking through the now open door with my hands in my pockets. Not holding hers.
The drive home was still and quiet, neither one of us speaking except for the occasional "I'm hungry" or "I'm gonna get some sleep before work"
Once pulled up in the driveway we made our way to the kitchen with the groceries we had picked up on the way back to Mers.
"Ill put this away you go and get some sleep" She said, pulling bags of food out of the bags.

"Are you sure" I smiled coming up behind her.
I curled my arms around her waist before kissing her on the back of her neck although suddenly i heard a slight wince of pain escape her lips.

"What, did i hurt you?" I panicked letting go and turning her around.
"No i just bashed my hip on an O.R table the other days its nothing... i promise" she smiled.
She lifted her head and placed a soft kiss on my lips before pushing me out the door and off to her room with a giggle. "Sleep"

"Yes ma'am" i laughed back making my way to the stairs.

Merediths POV:

My heart felt like it was about to rip itself from my chest. My whole body was numb and my head was screaming. 'How could he do that to me? What did i get myself into? Has he always been like this? What do i tell Addison?' Thoughts were racing through my brain, wracking me with confusion and guilt.

"It's all my fault" i whispered beginning to cut up some carrots.
"Fuck" i cursed dropping the blade to the ground. The blade had slipped cutting my finger. My focus was so hectic that i could barely feel the sharp sting as blood seeped through onto the floor.
I bent down with a sponge to scrub it up before wrapping my finger and continuing the cooking.

After about an hour the food was ready so i woke Addison up before setting the table. "Thanks for the nap it was great" She croaked her voice was husky and warm.
"Anytime" I replied swirling my food around with the tip of my fork.
"So are we going to work tomorrow" She asked, munching on a mouth full of vegetables.
"Yeah why not" I forced a smile knowing that as soon as i stepped foot in Seattle grace he would be there as well.
"Im gonna finish washing the dishes before taking a bath, that ok?" I remarked scrubbing the plates with hot soapy water.

I felt her warms hands curl around my waist from behind. "I still cant believe you're mine Meredith. All the times i thought I'd lose you or that we would go separate ways scared me so much but now I'm here with you and it's new and exciting and i just love you so much" She expressed kissing up the back of my neck.

My skin tingled and i could feel my nerves prick up at her mouth but it all began to shatter once I remembered him. 'God Mer get over yourself its just a heartbroken guy who's a bit pissed that he got dumped' I tried desperately to push it back. All the Anger and fear that crawled into my mind; i was fighting it.

I turned around to face her before splashing bubbles at her. "Hey" she squealed scooping up a handful of bubbles from the water and throwing it at me. "Oh thats how it is" i grinned before filling a cup of water and aiming for her head. She let out a cry of laughter before running to the other side of the kitchen island blocking my path.
We went back and forth coating each other with soap and water before stopping to regain our breath.
I stood there dripping wet with soggy hair and clothes smiling at the sight of her. "You look beautiful you know" i whispered.
"Mer i look like a drowned Rat" she giggled wiping the dripping red hair from her eyes.
"A very cute rat" I exclaimed walking over to her.
For a few minutes I wasn't thinking about anyone or anything except her and it was perfect. For a few minutes she was the only thing in the world that mattered. Her finger caressed my thumb stroking the bandage from where I'd cut my finger earlier.
Then she pressed her lips to mine hooking her hands through my wet blonde hair.

"Ow" i winced pulling away from her. I had realised that her hip was leaning against a tender spot on my abdomen where Derek had thrown me to the floor.
"You ok?"
"Yeah just a little achey" I lied brushing her off me. I saw her expression drop a little thinking she done something to put me off. It wasn't her at all and the look of hurt in her eyes broke me but i knew that look would be 10 times stronger if i told her the truth.
"Im gonna go have that bath now" I mumbled kissing her on the cheek lamely before ascending the stairs.

Once i was in the bathroom i locked it shut, keeping the rest of the world out. Leaving me and my problems alone.

I felt my knees weaken and before i knew it I was on the floor in a puddle of tears. My eyes went puffy and my lips cracked and even tho i was in pain, even tho i was drawing attention to myself I couldn't seem to stop crying.

A wave of numbness overtook me. I had thought about all of the shit that had happened to me involving Addie and not: The drowning, the bomb, the car crash, the breakups, the patient losses, my crappy childhood. All of it that i had been stashing down became so overwhelming and my only response. Numbness.

I felt my feet shuffle over to the cabinet and look down: aspirin,toothpaste,mascara and a razor blade.

'Meredith you're better than this' -one half of my brain screamed but the other more manipulative part whispered
-' Just do it you deserve it, maybe you'll feel better'  and of course i listened.

I drew the blade to my wrist and pressed in deep like i would with a scalpel and to my surprise it didn't hurt at all. I kept going for a while until the sink was dripping red like the water in my hair. The feeling was comforting surprisingly but also wracked me with regret and guilt so i placed it back into the cupboard and slammed the door shut before getting into my half cold bath.

Once finished i wiped myself down making sure to plaster up my arm before pulling on a long sleeve shirt and joggers from the laundry basket.

"Hey, feel better?" Addie asked handing me a cup of hot creamy coffee.
"Yeah" i lied again taking the cup from her warm hands.
"Meredith you're shaking" She said concern lacing her words.
"Its cold in here thats all" i huffed pulling my sleeves down tighter.
"Are you sure you're feeling ok?"
"I'm fine...I promise"

(AGAIN SORRY FOR THE WAIT AND I HOPE I DIDN'T UPSET ANYONE I JUST WANTED TO ENHANCE MEREDITHS STORYLINE. NEW CHAPTER ALREADY IN THE WORKS XX)