Alice in Borderland ~ Chishiya

30

Three of clubs.

It was the first game I played where I was directly confronted with the cruelty of humans. Perhaps everyone is selfish by nature and the individual only thinks about himself, until someone comes along who's worthy of being thought of. Someone who's worthy of sticking your neck out for and putting yourself in danger for, because they make you stop wanting to think only about yourself. When such a person comes by, you notice how nice it is not to be alone anymore and when such a person leaves, you feel what a dark place and what an empty, black hole you end up in again.

"We agree that we don't care about the other person's life."

I was the first to break the rule by frantically climbing up the roof and getting the mascots' attention so he could get away safely. The arrows flew around my ears and I wasn't certain their collars would explode, but I did it anyway. I've put my own life in danger for someone who doesn't want to hang out with me anymore. For someone who has decided to stick to that rule again. Can I do that, too? I don't know.

Seven of hearts.

It was the second game I played where I was confronted with what people are capable of to survive. The three other players beat each other in such a way that they couldn't get up and I delivered the final blow. I discovered a weakness and took advantage of it, so I survived.

Five of spades.

It was the third game I played where I was confronted with the horrifying part of me that didn't shrink from a dead person, but also the part of the human that can be selfless. The others worked together to clear the game.

And there was the seven of spades, the game that became the beginning of all misery.

Kuina has left to play a game. Much of my heart fervently hopes she will come back, but the small, selfish part believes she'd better not. I can't let her get close to me. I can't give her a part of me that will destroy me. And yet, even though my heart's aching with Raiden falling out with me, I want her to come back. Even if that means that eventually, nothing will be left of me.

'What are you listening to?'

I don't look up from the water, but I had already noticed his presence. Chishiya sits down on the beach chair next to me and also looks at the water. Either he waits patiently for me to answer, or he doesn't really care. I think the latter. 'How are you?' he asks. Now I'm confused. Does he really care? I hit the pause button, take the earbuds out of my ear and place them next to the iPod.

'If you come here to get your vest back,' I say, 'I'm afraid you're out of luck. I still need it for vital purposes.' He emits something that looks like a laugh. 'How dramatic,' he says. 'Unfortunately, your back luck will last even longer, because we'll still have to interact a lot.' I look at him and see that he's looking at me questioningly. 'If we want the militants to believe our excuse about why we were in the presidential suite, that is. Moreover, it turns out quite nicely. Now they don't have to wonder why we're together so much when we start to discuss about the plan.'

'Discuss?' he asks, looking at me inquisitively. 'So you're in?' Does that really come as a surprise to him? 'Yes,' I reply, 'I'm in.' I slide my eyes back to the pool. 'And your friend?' I want to ask him which friend, but I've been acting dramatic enough now. 'He's not,' I reply. It's quiet for a while, before I break the silence.

'Niragi and two of the others passed by last night, while I was sitting in the bar. I wasn't exactly in a good mood and Niragi asked me defiantly if you were disappointing. I had given an answer that showed I wasn't, so for now, they seem to believe that we like each other and like being together. It would be useful if we could maintain that, so that they don't suspect anything.'