Alice in Borderland ~ Chishiya

52

For the umpteenth time I try to suppress a sigh as I detach my eyes from the street and close the curtain again.

I had hoped that the heavy feeling would go away now that we're out of the arena and more and more minutes pass by, but I should've known that this wouldn't be the case.

The card is still white, which means that the jack of clubs is still in progress. I'm trying to figure out how long I've been gone myself, but I really have no idea. How long have I been there alone in that room? How long have we had to endure that torment by answering those questions over and over? I don't know. I just know it's taking way too long.

'He's in there, isn't he?'

I turn my head at Chishiya, who's sitting on the couch, looking at the battery lamp on the table. I don't know what kind of intonation there is in his voice, so I look at his face. I don't get much wiser from that, either.

I try to get the words out of my head, but over and over I can hear Enji trying to break us. Over and over I hear him make comments about Raiden that made Chishiya feel insecure. I don't want to hurt him, but I can't hide my worry. Raiden is my friend and I want to see him again.

'Maybe,' I reply. Now he breaks his eyes from the lamp and looks at me. Either he still sees spots in front of his eyes from staring at the light for so long, or I'm too far away for him to read my expression, or he just wants to look at me. I catch myself hoping the latter is the case.

'Maybe?' he asks neutrally. I shrug and walk to the sitting area of the room. I take a seat on the other couch and nod. 'When we said goodbye, the jack of clubs was still white, because there were still players inside. The same was the case for the jack of hearts, before the card became visible again. We suspect that there will be some sort of cool-down period before the game's available to other players again, when it's not cleared. I think it depends on how quickly it's cleaned up and ready for the next group.'

I didn't expect to be able to pronounce it so neutrally, as if we're not talking about dozens of dead people here. As if you just need to tidy up and clean something. As if it's not about blood or corpses.

I really had no sense of time in that psychological facility, so I wouldn't know if this is the same group from back then, or if Raiden is in there now. This is the house where we spent the night before we each went our separate ways. It doesn't mean he's not around here somewhere. Maybe he has gone elsewhere to avoid the king of spades, or he's actually in the game. Nothing else can be possible.

'Did you agree to meet here?' Chishiya then asks. I see him glancing at the couch he's sitting on, before looking back at the table. What's going through his mind? Does he hear Enji say again that Raiden was on top of me? I don't really know where we stand right now. During the game our feelings became very clear. His insecurity and jealous feelings that circulate in him were seriously exploited by Enji. But Chishiya knows it's not like that between Raiden and me, right? Doesn't he know what I've done in an effort to save him from death, when I risked my own life for it? He knows that my heart only beats for him like that, doesn't he? During the game I looked him in the eye and he understood. Now, I'm not so sure about that anymore.

'We haven't discussed a specific meeting point in case the king of spades comes over, but we have agreed to stay close to the two arenas as far as that was possible,' I reply. Chishiya nods. There's a silence, in which I start to think about my biting feelings. I see player after player getting electrocuted and freaking out as they begin to languish from the psychological torment. I see Enji gleaming at our despair. I hear him thank us again for the joy we brought him. He didn't care that he was going to die: he wanted to enjoy the pain of the others, so he did.