Alice in Borderland ~ Chishiya

39

I try to suppress an exasperated sigh as I hit the side of my flashlight, after which the flickering light stops completely now, because the whole thing has gone out. Now I really can't suppress that sigh anymore. What do you want with this old stuff and all those hours we've already spent underground, searching? Everything has a validity date. For us, these are our visas and for the equipment, it's the batteries.

'It isn't this one, either.' My body gets excited to hear Chishiya's voice so close to me. The tension only increases when I notice that it came from behind me. I take a moment to stabilize myself and turn around. In the meantime he has also continued to move, to which he promptly comes to a stop less than half a meter away from me. Secretly I had hoped that he would come this close on purpose, but I can see from his reaction that he honestly didn't realize that I was standing here. He has aimed his flashlight at the ground, so he hadn't seen me. Still, he doesn't seem to be shocked. On the contrary: the shy smile on his face indicates that he likes it.

Oh God, what am I supposed to do with this boy? Why does my flashlight have to go out right now, so that we only have the small stripe of light from his flashlight and my body therefore only tenses up more? I feel his warm energy radiating upon me. He's very close, but neither of us bother to take a step back. I can barely suppress the impulse to bring my hand towards him, but he doesn't seem to be able to do so.

My cheek immediately starts to burn as soon as he puts his palm on it. His warm hand causes all kinds of nervous flurries to shoot through my body. For a moment, I hold my breath. I'm tense because of his touch, but at the same time it brings out all kinds of nice feelings in me. He misunderstands the pause in my breathing, because to my disappointment he withdraws his hand. I can just see his eyes drop to the ground, before he mumbles: 'I'm sorry.'

'No,' I say, way too quickly, taking another step towards him without thinking about it, 'please, don't be.' I put my hand on his arm and keep looking at him. I already thought he was beautiful in the moonlight last night, but in the small beam of the flashlight, he still is. His body doesn't freeze, but I can sense he's tense, too. That's what physical contact has always done between us: it's tense, but it definitely doesn't feel wrong.

I have often asked myself whether it was a good idea to allow this feeling, but I can't stop it. I'm also starting to believe more and more that I don't even want to stop it. I enjoy it when he looks at me with such shyness and radiance. I long to feel his energy and warmth against my skin. For a moment, that's all I can think about. That's all that matters. He seems to want to say something, but our bubble is disturbed by a bewildered breath that I hear next to me.

I quickly take my hand off Chishiya's arm. 'Jesus,' Raiden says, half-shocked, gasping for breath. 'Just keep standing in this path without your light on.' He breathes a sigh of relief. 'Are you trying to scare me or something?'

'Bad conscience?' I try to joke, but it doesn't land very well. I can see Raiden looking at the ground with embarrassment. 'Ha ha.' Looking away from me, he only now seems to notice that Chishiya's there, too. He doesn't say anything about it, but I wonder what he's thinking right now. The two boys don't seem to like each other. I noticed this during the witch hunt, but also when we tried to have a conversation in the camping store last night. This morning, they could barely say "good morning" to each other and they've been avoiding each other since we started investigating the tunnels.

'My flashlight has gone out,' I say with a shrug. 'Stupid thing.' For a moment, I'm afraid that Raiden will make a comment, but luckily, he doesn't. 'We've been searching for hours,' he mumbles. 'Maybe, we better go back above the ground and take a break.' Chishiya sighs in exasperation. Whether that's because of Raiden's arrival or his comment, I don't know. 'To look for new batteries for the flashlight,' Raiden corrects himself. He looks at me and nods a little further away. 'What do you think?'