Love never dies

▪︎ 7 ▪︎

I wake up with a jolt as the annoying sound of my alarm clock echoes across the room. By touch I try to stop the piercing jingle with my hand. When I feel the cold metal of the clock, I give a hard tap pressing the button on the top, before slumping back into the pillows with a deep sigh. 

For a few more minutes I lie dazed, my eyes still squeezed shut, trying to convince myself to get out of bed. After a few more deep sighs, I throw my legs over the edge and stand up. I stretch to my wardrobe, where I stand for a moment while my brain tries to figure out which outfit I will wear today. In the end I opt for my dark blue jumpsuit with my beige wedge sandals. 

Then I continue to the door in the corner of the from the hallway, that leads to the bathroom. When I close the door behind me and turn around, I am startled by my own reflection in the mirror. I look awful, but that's not too crazy. I hardly sleep anymore and when I sleep I dream about Beca. Dreaming about Beca is not exactly a good dream because every time I see her being carried away by the current of the water, along with my ring. 

I sigh as I splash some water in my face. I had so many plans with Beca but my life has been changed ever since I got Ryan. 

Ryan, I must be strong for him. I've cried too many times standing in front of him. He must think I'm unhappy. When I discovered I was pregnant, I was determined to have an abortion, but when I saw the first ultrasound ... I just could not. I visited Chicago to tell him I was pregnant and he was silent. I can still remember what he said; Well, uhm, okay. Are you sure you took the test right?  He wanted so badly that it was fake news, but it wasn't. My mind flips back to the rest of the conversation; ,,Yes Chicago, it's really simple." He sighed. 

,,Yeah, I know it's easy. But it was just a one-night stand." 

,,As if I do not know that." I sit down while he still pacing around. ,,We were drunk and did not use protection. Most of the time when a boy and a girl have sex without a condom, the girl ends up pregnant." 

,,So what do you want to do?" 

,,I don't know. What do you wanna do?" 

,,Look, I don't know." Now he sits next to me. ,,I just found out. You're the girl, don't you get to decide?" 

,,Great, so it's all on me?" 

,,No! No, I didn't mean -" Chicago rubs his forehead. ,,Shit. Should we get married?" 

,,Shit, should we get married?" I feel tears in my eyes prick. He looks at me. 

,,Well I'm sorry Chloe, I just try to do the right thing here. I didn't mean to -" I stand up frustrated. 

,,Then don't ask the wrong questions! I - just forget that I said anything." He stands up. ,,Just forget it, cause I'll figure it out. It's not your problem." I start to walk away.
,,Chloe." I turn around.
,,It's fine, I have to go anyway." And then I just left him. 

I sigh while getting back to reality. After my encounter with Chicago I went to Aubrey. She helped me through everything and because of her Chicago and I came out of everything. He visit us for two weeks a year and bought us a house. Chicago is a very good father, but I miss Beca so much! 

I finish up my make-up and walk downstairs to make some bacon and eggs. Ryan love those. I still can't believe how smart he is. When Aubrey and I saw his first 4D ultrasound, the doctors told me he had a 94% brain capacity, which is normally 50%. It's a little genius. It's the reason that he can speak more than other children from his age and that he's quick to learn.