To All The Tropes I Wanted To Write

XIII

Kym is everything great and wanting
But I guess that wasn't enough anymore
Kym is a big obsession for power and control
Kym is fearless
But I am not
The skin became too suffocating
Too unfamiliar
The comfort of its superiority was divine
But the lack of expression restricts me
Kym is the kind of person you couldn't get a hold of unless they wanted to
Kym is a free spirit
Too free that even I had to look for them
And while looking, I found someone else
Cam
Cam is great
They personify fun
Cam isn't afraid to be themselves
Crazy, funny, stupid
Cam is always there, you just have to know you're looking for them
And so once again I envy my persona
Because Cam was everything I wanted to be and more
Cam makes everyone around them love them with a joke or two
I only have two friends
Cam is not a pushover, they know their worth
I'd die for people, who wouldn't do the same for me, despite lying to myself that I wouldn't
Cam can act as they want
Act stupidly, childishly, freely
I have responsibilities
I have fears
I have no choice
Cam has every choice in the world in the palm of their hands
They are free of stupid family duties and statuses
Cam can do anything they want
And I have to do anything they want
And so I envied Cam
Because If I were Cam
I'd be in a van, homeless but happy
Spending each day as an adventure
I'd be in a different country
Working my ass day and night to get to the next one
I'd be kissing people,
Taking chances,
Reaching for what I want,
And being unapologetically happy
But I'm not
Not every day that is
So every night, as I slip under my covers with phone in my hand gleaming lowly in the darkness
I smile as I open Cam and leave my problems behind
Just for one night
One more hour
A few more moments
Let me be Cam