Am I Gay? (Boyxboy)

Chapter 7

September 17,

I can't believe I lost my virginity to ETHAN! I've been waiting for this to happen. I'm so happy right now. I never thought I would actually lose my virginity to a guy. I never even thought I would be gay until I met Ethan. I just realized something.... When Ethan came in the my room he looked upset or worried. I wonder if he did that for a reason. Did he find out what happened with me and Van? And is that why he did that? Maybe he was jealous and he wanted to be my first. It's just confusing when I love two guys... Hmm and I'm afraid to ask him that. Maybe I should just ask why he had sex with me. I would call but I think I should ask in person.

September 19

Dear diary,

My assumption was right! He was jealous that Van kissed me. Now I feel bad. He told me he wanted to be my first and he didn't want Van to ruin it because he was thinking of doing it for a long time. The thing that bothers me the most is that Ethan is still in the closet and it's not that I'm complaining I still kinda in the closet. I'm wondering if he will ever come out..? I bet he's afraid that if he comes out the football team will bully him, hate him, and kick him off him off the team because he's a 'faggot' honestly why does your sexuality matter? Your the same person but you like the same gender. I have a headache, I'm gonna sleep.

September 21

Dear diary,

I didn't write in you on Sunday because both really happened. But today at school was amazing. I usually don't like Mondays but today was awesome. So Van goes to my school now and we have like every class together! Also something surprised me. So I was walking in the hallway with Cory like always and I ran into Ethan. He bummed into me and I dropped all my fucking books again! When he bent down and helped me pick up my books he kissed me in front of everyone!!! And I was like 'what the fuck?' I'm not complaining but I was just like bish whet? I whispered in his ear and asked him why he did that and he told me that he doesn't want our love to be a secret. Then my face turned sooo red and I couldn't stop smiling. I was so happy I started to do cartwheels down the hall. Then I heard Ethan scream "THAT'S HOT YOU SHOULD BE A CHEERLEADER!" Then I was like laughing. I was so happy. Hmm maybe  I should be a cheerleader, I am really flexible. Hehehe good for sex right?😂 But lately I've been really depressed and confused because my love for Ethan is getting stronger and I still really like Van. I'm supposed to go on another date with Ethan. He told my he would take me on a really nice date and to a nice restaurant. I said he didn't have to but he insisted. I can't deny going to an Italian restaurant and I love Italian food!! He just sent me a really cute goodnight text.

Ethan: goodnight love bug. I can't wait for our date. Dress sexy *winky face* sweet dreams. Ill be dreaming about you. See ya tomorrow love you!

I love him so much!