Affinity

Accidentally

I probably shouldn't even be here but when Jaime King insists that you and your girlfriends need a girls night out, you don't deny. Actually, you can't deny. Once all your friends find out you're resisting, they all decide to invite you to a group chat listing reasons. And then, you're basically peer pressured into it. But Hayley Williams is finally in town so I've been meaning to get up with her so this will give me a chance.

Karlie, Jaime, Hailee Steinfield, and Selena picked me up around an hour ago and we picked up the rest of the group on the way, headed to a club called Cielo.

The whole room, which looked to have use to been a bowling alley of sorts, has been basically spaced out to create a huge dance floor, up near the door rests a raised portion with tables. A bar is against the far wall and a VIP section is closed off by a curtain and the infamous velvet rope.

"Think we can get in?" I lean over to say to Hayley. She laughs, covering her mouth.

This club was exclusive as it is, a VIP section was kind of ridiculous. I never cared for those sections unless I needed to go back there for risk of being mobbed. Most people back there are making out, anyway.

"Drinks first or dance?" Jaime calls and half the group decides on venturing off towards the bar. Hailee stays behind because she isn't old enough, she barely made it into the club simply by moving with the pack. Hayley, Karlie and I also go straight to dancing. A band was singing Lucky and frankly, I was saving the drinks for later in the night.

No one can notice us in this light and I'm grateful for it. We're just part of the crowds, just bodies in the crowd aimlessly dancing. Every so often I'd bump into a guy next to me or something and carry on shouting the lyrics at him before continuing on with the girls. It's good to let go for the first time in weeks. I can finally just let go and dance and not care. I need a drink.

I nudge Karlie and motion towards the bar and she makes a one second gesture, and I head on anyway. She can meet me over here, I want to hurry.

The bar is long and holds more stools than I could see. But I scoot onto one, and order a Shirley Temple. I don't want to go over tonight, not enough to get drunk, i'm not interested in a hangover tomorrow.

Someone slides onto the stool next to me, dragging a hand through his dark hair, his face turned away from me as he scratches the back of his head. He glances up at the bartender, orders, and hangs his head, slowly running his hands through his hair. His forearm blocks his face still, and I, for some reason, make my interest grow.

"Rough day?" i comment, hardly hearing myself in the noise. The man doesn't even look up.

"Yeah," He half-shouts back to get it over the music. I nod but he hasn't looked up. "You could say that."

The bartender returns with both of ours. He had only gotten a beer and throws it back the second he gets it in his hands, then sets it back down.

His face is shown and my breath catches in my throat. Adam. He looks rough. His usually tamed hair is pulled and messy, and more stubble than usual sets on his jaw bone. I stand, and walk back quickly, trying to get away. I was just trying to have fun, to just let go for one night and he shows up. He obviously didn't know it was me, he didn't mean to come find me.

"Wait, hey!" Adam's voice echoes and I'm grabbed by the elbow. I'm spun around, our eyes locking and every goose-bump on my body appearing. He's definitely him. His old Led Zeppelin shirt looking even more faded than it had before. He looked more worn as well, tired comes to mind. In more than a few ways, he was tired. His eyes were red even in the light and his posture was slumped already but as he recognizes me, he slumps impossibly more.

His voice comes off a whisper, but somehow, despite the music and shouts and overall noise, I can hear him. "Taylor."

It feels good to hear him say my name but the look on his face betrays him. He looks shocked, a little relieved, but mainly scared. He backs up quickly, repeating sorry's. He wasn't ready to come back. This was an accident. But the affect he has on me is crazy. It's like a reactor went off in my body and I miss him even more than I knew. I miss him with every inch of me.

The disappointment just doubles as he practically sprints away and out the door, and I try deliberately to find the girls, brief them, and tell them I'm going to head home if they want to spend the night. Turn it into a sleepover, even though i just want to go to bed. They agree, and we all head back.
•
"He ran away?" Jaime asks, sitting adjacent to me, taking off her nail polish to reapply later.

"Yeah. I mean, he wanted to wait until he accomplished what I asked, I guess." I say, picking at my own chipped nail polish absently. It had become a habit I wasn't proud of, but oh well.

"Or he's just scared of you." Hayley shrugs, grinning. I roll my eyes and laugh.

"He wasn't suppose to see you before he was ready, it was understandable. I mean, he probably just panicked and now he's probably beating himself up over it," Karlie says, finally being serious about it. My heart sinks at that, though. He was probably beating himself up for running away. It wasn't suppose to happen like that.

"I know, and that kills me because seeing him just proved how hopeless I am when it comes to him." I collapse against the couch, my face smushed against the pillow. "He makes me so vulnerable." I mumble into the pillow.

A hand rubs my back a second later and I groan.

"Let's see, how did I use to cheer up sad Taylor," Hayley says. "I actually think I have a note on my phone. Ah, yep. Love Actually, funny faces, funny accents, imitating Caitlin-"

I laugh at that.

"Ice cream, pillow fights, tickling, dance party, cat videos, baking, animals sneezing videos, and Steve Carell." She finishes.

"Steve Carell?" Selena asks.

"Yeah, she loves Steve Carell." Hayley responds and I grunt my agreement. "Now. Let's move out. Karlie; get ice cream and pull up cat videos on your phone. Jaime; call Steve Carell and try to get him on the phone or something. Hailee; grab pillows- they're in the closet down the hall-, and pull up animals sneezing videos.

"Selena and I will alternate music and making cookies. Let's move out." She pushes me onto my side, shaking her head slowly. "C'mon, Swift. Man up."

"I don't wanna," I groan, rubbing my eye. My vision shows black spots from the pillow and I'm sure I have an imprint on my cheek.

"Nope, you're going to get changed into pajamas, and we're going to have fun."

"Hayley," I sigh, but she's already pulling me up, half dragging me. "I refuse to get up! No, no, Hayley, I swear."

She does anyway, and I end up on the floor, her along with me, and I can't help but giggle. In the end, I stand and follow her, not because I want to but because I really want to get out of this dress.

I manage to get changed and back to the living room where Love Actually is playing, several cartons of ice cream are laid out on the table. Pillows are laid around the floor with blankets, and Jaime has a ihome set up on the table.

"Couldn't get Steve Carell, he's getting ready for the Oscars, apparently. Sorry." Jaime says, pouting.

"No, it's fine. Why are you guys doing this?" I stutter, trying to look at Hayley who's coaxing me towards the couch.

"Because it's a girls day. Because you need it. Because you need us. Because you can't go against all these emotions alone. And because we're your friends and we're here for you," Karlie spouts off, standing now.

"I love you guys," I say quickly, pushing my way into Jaime's arms. She was the closest and everyone seems to fall into the hug, to just fulfill the perfect group hug.

"Okay, so why aren't we watching Love Actually right now?" I ask after a moment of being suffocated and squished.

I'm truly lucky to have them, and as we take our places on the couches, I can't help but let the gratefulness i have for them shine through. They're an amazing group of people and I'm so blessed to have them in my life right now for than ever.