Affinity

Truth

Everything suddenly has gotten confusing. Everything clear and obvious in my life is back to fuzzy and in the dark. It all comes with even approaching what's considered a relationship. Adam and I had kissed. It wasn't that I regretted it, it was just i wished it hadn't happened at this time. But it did, and there's nothing I can do about it other than face it head on. And that includes inviting Adam over to talk about, which, of course, got us no where except sitting on the roof again, talking.

"Truth or dare?" He asks, leaning against the brick railing of the roof. I smile at his question. We've probably played this on and off for the past few days. The dares always get us into some kind of mischief around the apartment.

"Truth," I say, taking in the New York atmosphere around the building. It wasn't much of a view but the buildings around us rise high against the cold, bitter air. It's so different from the place I imagine Adam comes from. His is a place perfect for secrets but the city, the city is a place where your secrets get carried away by the words and chatter around you, though with Adam, it feels like he can hear you over that chatter, because he carries a piece of that part of him.

"Have you ever liked someone you shouldn't?" He asks, and i can tell from the corner of my eye that he's looking at me as I look at the scenery.

"Like someone with a girlfriend?"

"Yeah. Or a friend."

His question catches me off guard, and I miss a beat.

"Yes," I answer truthfully, trying not to read too much into his grin that finds its way onto his face. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth." He reaches for my hand, and I try not to be stiff about it and awkward, but i am, because this is Adam and he's intimidating in a lot of ways. Just visually, sometimes mentally in the way he challenges you, but he's tall and attractive, it's simply hard to be normal and casual about the contact.

"Do you like... peanut butter and jelly? Because that's what I have prepared for lunch," I finish lamely. It's a habit for me to chicken out.

"Yes. Truth again?" His thumb skims along the inside of my wrist, and my whole body reacts as if I'd been shocked. It scares me how much I like it and how much I genuinely want more.

"Sure." I say absently, staring down at our hands resting on the cemented brick wall.

"Would it be weird if i kissed you?"

We'd both paused our surveys of the area, I hadn't noticed it until I find his eyes focused directly on me and my actions. He laughs, then clears his throat. We'd kissed before, but that was when we both had had some wine and it was late. We weren't in our right minds as we are now, we weren't in the situation as we are in right now.

I can't look up. I feel like glass, like I could shatter or he could see straight through me and see how attracted I feel at this moment. He leans down, so close that I could feel the air warm between us where the cold bounces around our bodies.

"Do you dare me?" He whispers in my ear, his lips slightly brushing a strand of my hair. I nod, my pulse flying to new heights.

He lifts my face gently, if his touch didn't bring chills I wouldn't have felt it. When his lips touch mine, it feels like everything around us, the city, the cars and everyone's lives around us slow and melt away. The tightness in my throat disappears, the nervous tingle in my chest easing. Everything faded. Except him.

Something changed between us, then, like a spark of light, of heat. His lips pressed mine open, teasing first, then tasting. One of his hands pulled me nearer by my hips, the other slid under my hair, pressing beneath the band of my ponytail. My fingers long for his skin and I found his face, tracing the strong lines of his neck.

He pulls away suddenly, breathing quickly and uneven, gaze piercing my own. His arms stay locked around me, though, and I was relieved because my legs would probably give out if he hadn't been holding me up.

"Truth?" I whisper because that's all i can get out.

He smiles and my heart soars. "Truth."
•
There isn't much to say after the fact. I liked him. I shouldn't, and I told myself that repeatedly, that that's the last thing I need, but it's also something I can't help doing. There was no convincing myself that it was just the alcohol because the same feeling, if not doubled, was evident earlier today.

I was happy without him, but now that there's something new, our first reaction naturally is to want the new thing. The newest thing in our life is usually our favorite, so, naturally, I'm attracted to the idea of being around Adam. I had to go over this for a long time, did i really like him? Was this something i could see lasting? I'm not in for flukes anymore. And Adam is no fluke as far as I can see.

We weren't officially dating. We didn't put it out in the clear, life went on but it was overall a different feeling. He met my parents, spontaneously, introduced simply as Adam, no further details until mom questioned me later. We didn't really go out though, like I had said before, it would have to be a hidden relationship. I don't want him suffering through for my benefit, it'd just be unfair.

He insists it's okay though, and he silences me with a kiss each time i bring it up and it temporarily makes me forget what was actually happening. And it just kept happening, consecutively. Over and over again.