Affinity

Just Kiss Me

After the cookout, we take the long route home down the beach. He said he'll come back for his car in the morning, he'd rather "walk out the sunset".

Our feet leave imprints in the sand that last only a couple seconds before the water fills in the impressions, leaving just a marred tender spot in the sand. It reminds me of a relationship, in some ways. That you think you have it good, that this is going to last, but the water comes, the fatal flaw, just a matter of time, and washes you away and all that's left is something you can sink back into. A tender spot that can catch you off guard and catch your foot for a second if you aren't watching where you're going. It gives me a lyric idea but i tuck the thought away, and feel the pressure of Adam's hand in mine.

"What's bothering you?" He asks, looking my way. I purposefully look towards the ocean instead.

"Nothing, why?"

"You just seem a little on-guard. What's up?"

"Nothing, Adam. It's just- coming to town and stuff, it's just weird," I trail off and tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. I don't know where I'm even going with this.

"What's weird?"

"I don't know. Meeting your friends, hearing about who you use to be, watching kids run up to you like you're related,"

"Technically, we are related. Cousins," He says but stops when I glare. "Okay, okay. But how is that stuff weird? I thought you wanted to know this stuff about me."

"I do, it's just what they have to say," I exhale, just as we reach the back of the house from the beach. I turn to go back inside but he snags my elbow.

"Wait, what did they say?"

"Nothing," I shake my head, and can't help but glance towards him. He has a way about him that if he wants you to look at him, his glare is enough to make you. "Your old girlfriend. Mackenzie. They just- they think you're not over her."

"What? That's ridiculous. I-I love you.." But he sounds so unsure and so lost. He's quiet for a second, just the sound of sand under our feet to fill the gaping silence. I grab his arm and pull myself in front to face him.

"It's okay to not know. She meant something huge to you, it's not a bad thing to hold onto something good," i find myself saying.

"But I want to let go. I want to love you, Taylor. Only you, I don't want Mackenzie to rule my thoughts anymore. I just want you," He says and almost as soon as his last words had left his mouth, my lips were on his. Clinging, desperately hoping and grasping onto his words, pressing them into his mind. Begging for him to mean it. To let go, to help him let go.

He pushes us forward, towards the house, our lips not breaking until we get the door open. Then, only briefly as he throws his shirt to the couch and kisses me once more. Finally, I take the chance to catch a breath, and take his hands, leading him up the unfamiliar stairs. He nods towards his room, our only words were our ragged breathing.

He deserved to forget. He deserved to forget everything bad that's happened, but not let it diminish what he has been shaped as through it. That's who he is. And I love him regardless.

He follows me inside, laughing breathlessly, which I compulsively follow in. He backs me up until my knees collapse against the bed frame, and we go tumbling onto the comforter. Our words, which now kept me preoccupied, slowly condense into whispers, then to gasps, and finally silence.

After everything, he lays next to me, our legs intertwined, his head propped up by his hand, grinning at me. He's been doing this for what seems like so much longer than it's probably been. I smile back at him, a soft, real one.