Affinity

A Day In The Life

I suppose the things in life, like boys and figuring out which Christmas gift your family member actually wants, seem to be the struggles lately. Boys, not as much, as in my dating life because I ignore that topic as much as possible nowadays, but in just times of remembering. During songs or when maybe an old picture that shows up of the two of you out of nowhere, like it had at the bottom of my laundry basket the other day. It caught me by surprise, and I hadn't expected it, but just like what happens during songs, i tend to think of it in a good way, to find the best moment of that relationship and focus on it so I don't just remember the result, but the truth of that period of time. The happy moments, the moments that bring true joy. And reminiscing is when I'm at my happiness, until the memory shifts, the bridge hits, and I'm back to the anguish and regret.
It's all good though, I'm happy as I am. I've found happiness, and that happiness came when i wasn't in love or in a romantic relationship. It came when I found myself, when I realized who I am and what I truly am like, not what anyone else wants me to be or what I want me to be, but its me, and I have a good idea as to who that is now, and I couldn't be more proud of that.
There's no self-doubt or anything, it's just something calming in the fact that I have no relationship to worry about. I don't have to worry about getting blasted by the media, and people are actually talking about me because of my music, and not as much as to which is about who, but for their own quality, and I'm not sure i want to risk that feeling for a two-month romance that ends up to be nothing but a new magazine cover. I want my next relationship to mean something, to be real and true and right, not just someone i cant see myself ending up with in the end. And until that seems visible to me, I'm not gonna risk my happiness for something that I cant see lasting in the end. And that's final for me.
On the other end of the personal struggles in the daily life of one Taylor Swift, Christmas presents have been increasingly difficult to buy for. Austin insists he only wants this philosophy book his favorite professor wrote, mom either says she doesn't need anything or a jacket would be fine, and dad just changes the subject after resulting to telling me to get him a pair of socks. It's difficult because with them being so simple and humble, i don't really have basis as to what they really want. And that goes for what mom wants me to make for Thanksgiving either. Whenever I ask, its always the typical, "Whatever you want, honey", even though I'm asking directly what type of food I should make. It's just a stressful time of year, add onto that album release and I'm basically a ball of stress under a series of crop tops and sweaters.
But it's all good, I could never hate album release because it'll only happen a certain amount of times in my life and it's such a beautiful, amazing event that should be appreciated. The stress is just something that comes along with it and I can accept it if it means putting out music that has an affect of people's lives. That's what makes it all worth it.
"Miss? Would you like a heatup?" A voice drags me out of my reverie and I nod once, offering a small smile and thank you. I've probably been sat here for an hour now just sitting here, coddling my oversized coffee cup at this little breakfast place, an open page of my notebook flipped open to a page filled with markings. Of course, the page probably isn't going to go anywhere, it's simply a song idea thats been overtaken with scribbles and little doodles. Most of the songs that come close after an album don't make it to the next because it sounds too much like that same album, but this one is more like something from Red, which is odd. I mean, of course now and then I write a song that sounds more country or pop than what I'm trying for but that is something I don't try to go for. I try for the bigger things, the newer, more ambitious ideas, and this is more of a leftover idea than something realistic.

"You better have a good reason for not answering your phone,"

I glance up, seeing as to whoever said this has now sat across from me, looking expectant. Ed. Typical.

"How'd you know I was here?" I laugh and push my bangs from my face where they protrude.

"Well, I called your house and Austin answered, said you were at some coffee shop. I just assumed here," He pauses to shrug out of his jacket. "Since you didn't respond to any of your text messages."

"I'm sorry! I can't help my daydreaming," I say, unable to control the grin pulling across my lips.

"It happens," He shrugs, then reaches over for my notebook, tugging it from under my forearms and across the table to him. "And what's this?"

He skims over it, glancing up at me once or twice. "Got a beat yet?"

I shake my head. "I was just playing around with some lyrics, Ed."

"Ah." He pushes it back, the attempt knocking over one of those little mini table advertisements in the process. He grins up at me and quickly fixes it upright. "Well, it's good. Could use some work but.."

"Hey!" I shout and he laughs. It's good to have a friend like Ed around, especially since he could really care less if tabloids claim we're dating. He doesn't care how many times it takes to say we aren't dating, he'll keep doing it because he wants us to be friends, as will I. And that's what makes Ed and I work, because our friendship is always stronger and greater than anything we can go up against, and we relate in that way. It's also the reason I will not defend this song as hard as my previous.