Child Of The Future

Episode 41: I Take The Hits

               "Why did you do that?" Carl's voice, which is obviously restrained right now because he sounds like he's ready to leap into an argument against what I volunteered, well, no, that jerk volunteered it, but I pretty much confirmed it, speaks out and I consider ignoring him but subtly digress from the topic instead given I'm thinking about the very answer to that question myself.

               Maybe that was stupid, but maybe it was also inevitable. When I first started out, I still had that arrogance of thinking me being who I was would give people hope. After years of hearing it, it really did start to make sense. Getting honest, of course people would be happy to know a girl like me is alive, but, things just became so realistic and eye opening that I hadn't even given this sort of scenario a first thought.

               But since I am now, the reasons are different for clueing others in.

               So very different.

               Still, aside from people trying to kill me over that fact, who are, currently dead themselves, creepy how I'm starting to get used to actually thinking that, I don't see too much of a big deal in telling certain circles.

               Aha, oh wait. Tch. Silly me... I didn't tell certain circles...

               It was that ape idiot! That stupid orangatang! What the fvck did he think he was doing?! Is he that dead set on this entire fiasco?! Gosh! What is he trying to gain by all of this? I just wanted some peace and quiet for maybe a little bit. Just-           

               "Spes?" Carl turns me to look at him after I tug on a black T-shirt with little shape to it, and I'm beginning to shiver like a leaf while just standing around in my skirt and underwear given this cold freaky climate. It's getting chillier by the second it feels.

               Ok, Carl's obviously back on track with keeping me in line. And being annoying.

               "Does it matter? Abraham-"

               "You could've denied it." Carl's beautiful face twists a bit in curiosity but mostly a pleading anxiousness which cuts off my gesturing towards the door and escape route from this little scuffle of words. I'm freezing my as$ off and I don't feel like chattering my way through an argument. "Everyone of us would've denied it. We would've looked out for you. Why didn't y-"

               "They have a right to know." My eyes are already a little widened like I drank a few cups of coffee or something and its got Carl staring at me in a different sort within seconds. "Don't they?" I pause and admit what I've been thinking. "It's not my first reason, but it is a reason that I'm alive." I drag back some of my father's teachings before sighing, grabbing the pair of somewhat loose cacky pants on the edge of the bed, only to see that picture Carl confronted me about earlier resting on the ground near my feet.

               The image, the sight of red and a ripped open forehead in the process of being while I'm smiling, just one second before it's all fallen apart after that photo was taken. Just a flash and it was over. Just a flash, and everything changed.

               It's sickening, that thought, but a perfect reminder for who I am, and what I could do to people.

               Geh, when did I become so pathetic and self-hating? Is that even what this is? What if it's just more truth I failed to see before? Dammit.

               "I don't want you to keep that photo."

               "Huh?" My mind focuses back to see Carl on his knees, picking up the square Polaroid before giving me a glance, tearing the picture in half, and what?