Episode 24: This Is Where We Are Now

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               "Spes? Can you hear me?" I listen to the hatch open, the frost around me, the gel like substance covering the bottom of my testing chamber begins to shake my body as I thaw out of my petrified state, a light skin of ice laces my 14 year old body bound down to the cuff holders inside my father's invention.

               Being frozen and put away for a whole month, I would imagine it to also freeze my thoughts, but it didn't. I've been awake, numb to the icy temperature released in this small, chamber that looks like a circular coffin, wondering what it'd be like when this is over, slowly fluttering my dark, almost snow covered lashes apart, the cold air immediately makes me cry, and I see nothing but bright blurs opening the human sized tube I've been set in.

               Completely bare of clothes, a simple needle stuck in my arm, my hair tightly woven into a small bun behind my head, only a few strands falling next to my forehead, when I feel it.

               "Spes?" My father's face emerges into clarity before me. "Welcome back."

               A smile for a smile, I pull the corners of my lips up, feeling drained of energy, my blood flow completely docile as opposed to its regular speed of travel through my veins, the purpose for keeping me in frozen storage at the length of an entire month was simply for the new additions of my father's work to settle and take over the current stage of my body's immune system and other health processes.

               Just like a necessary step in a recipe.

               You need to let the ingredients sit in a fridge sometimes before reaching the desired end result.

               The cold that halted my senses, soon left me however, and I could feel everything then.

               Needless to say, it was like my fvcking body was falling apart by the temperature my being had been in for 4 weeks, the heat in the room even if minimal, was too much.

               It was too painful.

               "Spes?!" My father's eyes widened when I began to shake furiously, the unjustified sensation of what felt like my skin being jabbed with knives alerted my voice, and I pulled up without want, my back arched and my voice raspy, almost nonexistent.

               I wanted to scream from the pain. I wanted to get out of that box! I wanted to feel better, but I couldn't. I was hand cuffed in case something like this would happen. In case I hurt myself. I wouldn't notice what hurt though, because everything was in agony. My bones vibrated with it.

               I felt like I was alive and dead at the same time.

               "Spes! You're going to tear your hands off!! Be still!!"

               I can't. I couldn't. In that moment, all I wanted was to die. I wanted to die, because everything felt like it was being split open. I felt like I was being deconstructed, pulled apart like a fvcking car, one step, at a time. Unbelievable how badly it prolonged.

               Knowing they wouldn't give me an injection for fear of ruining the progress concerning my body, I'm fvcking grateful that I couldn't take it anymore.

               I don't know how hard I was to manage. 3 nurses and 2 men had to try and keep me down, but it was made a whole lot easier when I passed out.

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