Child Of The Future

Episode 44: Fervor

               Like a cat in the dark, waiting and visualizing the prance of her attack, I just sit and glare, the bed sheets crumpled in between my fingers while I feel something like, I have no clue, anger, sadness, something, something that takes me back; back to when my body was adorned with needle marks and vicious bruises when they had to re-do the tests or they messed up finding a vein, and I just stare.

               Any little thing to make my sore arms even more so, and staring in this light, perfect implication as to why Jesse's been so sick...I knew it. I fvcking knew I'd seen this sh1t before!

               I...

               "Jesse." I slowly close my eyes, already feeling the warm tears turn cold after the blink, and see him snap his shaking body towards me, face damp and curls moist.

               My voice...it sounds, older somehow. More womanly or, sultry, but definitely demanding, just like how I feel.

               Caring, or not caring, I've never been faced with this sh1t. I don't know if I'm supposed to mind my own fvcking business or take an actual slap to this guys face, but I know what I feel like doing, and I know why...If it weren't for a few reasons concerning drugs, I'd feel less pissed, but it's Jesse, and I feel pissed.

               Genuinely, pissed.

               "Hey Espes-o." Jesse refers me to...a cup of fvcking coffee, and I feel like I'd be less yucked by it if he weren't acting like I didn't just see his injection marks. "Carl went to exchange your bowl of soup. He'll be back soon; I just wanted to check on you." I feel my eyes study him tug a sock on up to his ankle. "You feeling ok?"

               Let it go? Or confront him?

               If I confront him, do it like a normal human being. Not like one of these drama queen b1tches I used to roll my eyes at on T.V. Just keep it chill, like that's sooo easy.

               "Spes?" He turns, and I slowly drag my foot out from behind me, lifting myself to stand up on the bed, looking down at him. "You ok? You're looking a little...sick."

               "Really?" I raise my eyebrows, slowly and easily walking towards the edge of the bed, then the carpet floor, not as cold as I thought it would be, until I give myself a final pep talk about how to handle this. Should've known that sh1t wouldn't work.

               "Spes?"

               He shifts, but I don't wait to frown when my hand almost readies to hit his cheek, but instead I bite my lip and reach for his ankle.

               "Wait! What are you doing?!"

               "What does it look like I'm doing!?"          

               "Raping me!" Jesse's holding his leg to keep me from achieving my goal, pretty frantically, but I'm not giving up.

               My hands are trying their best and fingers almost succeeding when I grip the right amount of his black sock, same instant he shoves me back and I fall onto my side, hitting my shoulder as he continues to shiver and cough.

               Being sick sucks!

               "What the heIl is wrong with you?"

               "Some little girls locked me out into a blizzard," I raise my thumb to count. "I'm mentally insane," I lift my index finger. "And struggling with some really un-stereotypical sh1t!" I smile like I'm crazy. "What about you?"