The Mistress

Chapter 20. Déjà vu

20

1494 Rome Italy

Nothing has changed these past few months, other than the weather. Juan has been married into The House of Aragon and his wife is beautiful but that doesn't stop him from making his advances. It isn't every day that he is trying to lift my skirt but it is frequent. I feel sorry for his wife, having to be with him every night. Who knows, maybe she liked him. Maria was her name and I had not really spoken to her. But I hoped Juan was treating her well and that she was happy. Who knows, maybe I was the only one who Juan treated like trash. After all his wife came from a good house, had money, was beautiful and was a virgin when she wed. That was something of importance to Juan and it was obvious considering he loves bringing up what a whore I am. It's ironic considering the man who basically lives in brothels hates whores.
I sent Leonardo home not to long ago. We were getting no where and I was close to giving up on this ludicrous riddle. I look at that note, the box and it's contents every day but I get nothing. I have decided to step away from it. It is causing me too much stress and I don't know what to do other than to stop for a while. I was close to giving up on this and moving on. But the only thing that is keeping me from throwing that box into the Tiber and burning that riddle was the chance of seeing my father.
The snow began to stick to the ground. I stood on the upper balcony, looking down at the children playing in the snow. It isn't very much snow but it was enough that the children were happy. I saw Gioffre down there playing as well and I made an attempt to wave to him but he was to busy playing to notice me up here. I could see my breath but it didn't seem that cold out, but that might be because I was wearing Cesare's cloak.
I haven't left my room yet this morning, to be honest I was feeling sick and I had a nose bleed. Assuming it was just from the cold air but it wouldn't stop and it went on for awhile. Plus even though Juan was now married he still is here. I do everything I can to avoid him.
"Well isn't this a surprise!" I hear Cesare exclaim. "You haven't opened the doors to your balcony in so long." He walks up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. "It's good that you're getting fresh air." He kisses my cheek. "But aren't you cold?" He rest his chin on my shoulder.
"No, the air is brisk and refreshing." Cesare moves some stray hair from my face. "I have another letter for Lucrezia." I start.
"Has she answered your other ones?" He lets go of me and sits down in chair that is lightly covered in snow.
"No" I clear my throat.
"You know what?" He jumps up from the seat. "Lets go for a walk on the Tiber. Remember how when we were younger you used to stand at the edge of the river and watch the ice flow down?"
"Yes, I remember. You would yell at me for trying to stand on the unbroken ice."
"You need to get out." He takes my ice cold hand. "I worry about you my love." He kisses the top of my head. I had an extreme fear of leaving the Vatican. I still think of the time when I was kidnapped and held against my will. Even with Cesare by my side I still think it will happen again. They obviously wanted me for something and I don't think this is the end of it.
"But Cesare, I do not wish to go." I put my head on his chest and listen to his beating heart. He was so warm and he smelled of fire. I imagine before this he sat in front of a fire place as his blood red robes smelled of smoke.
"You cannot stay indoors forever."
"I am not. I am outside right now." Craning my neck up I rest my chin on his chest.
"You know what I mean, My lotus." He frequently changes his terms of endearment for me. His arms wrap around me once again. "What's this?" He pats his hand on my hip. He puts his hand through the fabric of the cloak and pulls out the dagger that I keep on my hip. I started carrying a dagger ever since I was kidnapped. I want a way to protect myself from now on. "Why do you have this?" He turns the tip of the dagger and it's handle between his two index fingers.
"I want to be able to protect myself." I take the dagger back from him and hostler it back to my hip. It was usually hidden underneath some fabric. My lady Gabrielle has gotten very good at hiding it on me.
"That's what you have me for." He does a very handsome half smile. He can protect me but not every moment of every day. "Come now my love." He tries to led me away but I resist.
"I have been feeling sick the last few days. Can I just stay inside?" He moves closer to me, scoops me up off the ground, and carries me like a baby in his arms.
"That is your problem! You don't go outside. You need fresh air and sun light." He carries me over to the door and walks out of the room while still carrying me.
"I get enough of all of that on my balcony."
"You need a change of scenery." I rest my head on his shoulder in hopes of going to sleep in his arms. He carried me through the Vatican apartments without breaking a sweat. I cringed every time we walked around a corner because I was scared Juan might be there. I want Micheletto to come back so I don't have to live in fear every second of every day, so I didn't have hide in my room all the time. "Isn't this much better?" He sets me down on the sets of the Vatican apartments. There was still snow on the pathways and I could only see a few foot prints so not many people are out.
"This is great! Now please let me go back inside." I try to turn and walk back in but Cesare stops me. His arms crossed in front of him he blocked my way.
"Just a short walk down the Tiber."
"Fine." I pout and step down into the snowy steps. "But only an hour." I walk on without him. I start kicking the snow up with my feet but I realize that it's only making them cold faster. Cesare runs up behind me and takes my hand.