The Mistress

Chapter 32. The Arrival

32

1495, Montefalco Italy

            My stomach had grown large, to the point where I didn't even want to be on my feet for longer than 15 minutes. It wasn't hard considering Maria and Gabrielle would barely let me go anywhere. I so much as move and they run to my side to help me. Even though I felt I was going to fall over at any moment it felt silly to have people at my side to help me walk.
I couldn't even see my feet as Gabrielle finished braiding my hair. Being this large came with no enjoyment for me. Many would say that women glow when they are pregnant but that does not seem true for me. Valentino disagrees though, saying that I am more radiant than the sun. Maria says that she has never seen anyone as beautiful as me, but she might be obligated to say such things.
"I wish to have this baby out of me already." I ran my hand up and down my swollen stomach. "My stomach is fat, it has marks going down it which will never go away, my ankles are three sizes larger than they were to start and my breast hurt."
"You're just all 'me, me, me' aren't you?" Maria, the old woman always made me feel like a child. She was the best though, or at least that's what Valentino said. She was kind even if she tried to seem otherwise. I enjoy her because I know that she does care about the work she does.
"Of course I am all 'me me me.' I am the one that is the size of a barn."
"Relax my lady you are not that large." Gabrielle came around to the front of me, putting out her hands to help me up.
"If I was not huge, you would not have to help me up from this chair." A smile formed on my face as she handed me my cloak. With the black cloak on you couldn't see my swollen stomach. One couldn't even tell that I was pregnant. Thank God. I ran cold most days though I didn't understand why. My bed was now full of thick blankets and furs to keep me warm. The cloak was always near me if not on me.
"Valentino said he would meet you outside." Maria stated.
I looked down at the staircase. It felt like it took 10 minutes for me to descend down them. It looked like a mountain from up here and I felt like I was going to vomit just looking at them.
"Take your time." Maria's wise words are said every time I must walk down these stone steps.
One step at a time I make my way down, holding tight onto the railing.
Barely halfway down and suddenly I heard banging on the door. It startled me, making me yelp. It was loud and echoed through the villa.
"Maria would you please?" I gestured to the door with one hand but kept a firm grip on the bannister with the other.
"Of course." She left my side to go to the door that was still being banged on. The more the person banged the more annoyed I got. The crystals on the chandelier rattled. It was so loud that I knew if it continued it would trigger a headache. Maria will be angry with me but as soon as she opens that door that person will be getting a mouth full from me. Who would even have the audacity to bang on someone's door like that?
Maria barely even turned the knob and the door swung open almost knocking her over. The giant door slammed so loudly that the chandelier shook, the crystal sounding like they were cracking. She didn't have time to catch herself before the person came barging through the doorway.
I was stunned, shocked, my body was frozen on the marble steps.
Cesare stood, staring up at me. His dark brown hair had gotten longer, as did his beard. It seemed like so long since I had seen him. Only 9 months had passed yet it felt like a lifetime. I couldn't move, couldn't speak as my eyes were fixed on him. I wanted to hug him, to hold him close but my fear kept me still.
"Lena!" He rushed up the steps to me. He stood in front of me, examining my face, his eyes darting around. I thought he would be mad, that he would yell at me. I flinched when he reached for me, waiting for him to explode with rage but it never came. Instead I felt my face press against his body, the soft velvet fabric of his riding cloak warmed my face. He held tight to me, his hand holding me at the back of my head. His entire body encompass me and since my ear was pressed up against his chest I could hear him breath a sigh of relief. With my eyes shut it almost felt as if we were back at the Vatican, embracing in the gardens on a warm spring day. For a moment I felt bliss but he moved away from me and my heart sank. My mouth let out an almost silent whimper.
I heard footsteps approach and I didn't even need to turn around to know that it was Valentino. Cesare didn't look up either, his eyes locked with mine. Normally his warm brown eyes would have soothed me but seeing the look he had put a chill in me. His eyes had a look that I couldn't explain but it wasn't a good one. Fire was in them, so hot it seemed like the flames of hell. He took his hand and gently moved away my black robe to expose my swollen stomach. He then looked up at Valentino who was just as stunned as I was at the man who now stood in the villa before us. "You and him?" Cesare looked down at me in utter shock, his pupils wide and shaking. Again he looked down to my swollen stomach as if he was trying to confirm what he saw. It occurred to me that Cesare thought the child belonged to Valentino. He would kill Valentino right here on these steps if the thoughts in his head were not corrected.
"No Cesare, the child is yours!" I exclaimed, making my secret finally known, grasping his arms, his velvet sleeves slipped in my fingers and his body was so tense it felt like a rock.
"What?" His voice hoarse, his eyes wide as they met mine.
"You heard me Cesare, the child is yours." His shock turned to a smile and he embraced me once more, tighter than the last time. I fear he might squeeze me to death. Being in his embrace once again felt so relieving that I never wanted him to let go. His grip was tight but I wouldn't have it any other way. It felt as thought the tension I've held in my body for months was gone.
"You are not mad?" I asked, my face buried in his riding cloak, my voice muffed.
"No of course not!" He started to laugh joyously as he released me from the embrace but still kept his hands on me. One hand cupped my cheek the other rest upon my stomach and he smiled down towards the baby. "Why would I be?" I could have sworn there were tears welling up in his eyes. Cesare never let anyone see him cry, even me. It was a rare moment that I would ever see him in this state but for him to do it in front of Valentino was something else.
"I thought you wouldn't want the child."
"Why on earth would you think that? I love you Lena." His kisses my forehead, his soft lips lingered there for a moment.  "We would have you travel back to Rome. Where is Micheletto?" There was excitement in his voice. He took my hand in his as if he was ready to take me this instant. His emotions were genuine, he acted as if no one else was in the room other than us. He had forgotten all about Valentino who still stood behind us and Maria who he practically knocked over to get to me.
"No!" Maria stepped in. "She can not travel in her condition, she will stay here until the child is born." Maria had almost come between Cesare and I but he would never allow distance between us again. He looked at her, almost offended that she would dare create space between him and I.
"You are more than welcome to stay here your eminence." Valentino came closer to us and I could already tell that Cesare didn't want to be anywhere near him. Turning back to my dear friend I stepped into Cesare's body. I felt like I needed to keep Cesare from getting too close to Valentino. The child wasn't his but that didn't take away the hatred I knew Cesare felt for Valentino. Cesare might be grateful that he took care of me but angry that it was him to begin with. It felt like a relief to have him here though, something I didn't think would happen. "Lena and I were just going to the lake to have lunch." He paused, looking at Cesare as if trying to study him. "Perhaps you could go in my stead." His smile was friendly but his eyes were sad something that was so strange for him. One thing I loved was his eyes that were so full of hope and light. But right now that seemed to be so drained from him. It even felt as though he was avoiding eye contact with me.
"That would be nice, thank you." Cesare's voice was anything but kind. His jealousy was something I was always aware. If he knew of the night me and Valentino spent just a few weeks ago he would rip off his head right here on the steps. "Where is Micheletto?" Cesare looked down at me but I had no idea, I haven't seen him this morning.
"We can have someone find him." Valentino spoke.
"I would speak to him before we leave." I could feel the tension between the two and it needed to stop.
"Good, while someone is looking for him I need to sit." Moving from Cesare's grip and start down the stairs but he was right behind me. He too helped me as I walked, his hand placed gently on my back. I'd imagine if he had been here for the whole pregnancy he would have been doting on me. I went for the study, it was the closest room with the most comfortable seats. Today was supposed to be a relaxing trip to the lake but it seems to be anything but.
Sinking down into the first plush couch I see had a soft moan escape from my lips. A sense of relief did come over me for there was no longer fear of what Cesare would do. He kneeled in front of me as I sat and had my hands in his. His eyes wide as he looked up at me with such adornment.
"I'll have someone find Micheletto and send him here right away." Valentino closed the door behind him as he left but neither I or Cesare looked at him. Our eyes only looked upon each other.
"I can't believe this." Cesare has such a big smile on his face that I thought it was touching his ears. "Why would you think I wouldn't want a child?" He chuckled as if the thought was crazy.
"I-well." My words wouldn't come out. I couldn't tell him I heard about the other baby he had abandoned on the side of the road. Or that I was scared he would be angry with me. Also there was me, I didn't know how to be a mother or what that even meant. "You are a Cardinal." I finally said. "I just assumed you would be angry."
"You were scared." He said and me not answering was enough for him. He brought my hands to his lips and kissed them so gently. "I'm sorry that I scared you so much you were willing to run." He looked ashamed. "No matter what position I hold, no matter what happens I will love and protect you Lena." This is as vulnerable as I had ever seen him. He was on his knees in front of me apologizing for something that in all honesty was my fault. I never gave him the chance. I only thought of the ruthless Cesare, the mask he wore. But I forgot about the gentle man he was with me, his true self.
"I'm sorry I never even tried." My mouth was dry as I spoke. He interrupted before I could continue.
"No, don't apologize. I failed you and I promise that as long as I'm alive I'll make it up to you." He kissed my hands again but his lips lingered.
A gentle knock on the door had both of our hands turn to the door to see it creep open. It was Maria who came in. "Micheletto is just outside." She spoke. I watched as her eyes darted from me to Cesare and back.
"We will be out in a second." Cesare said and we watched as Maria slipped out. He turned his head back to me his smile still noticeable.
"Can I wait here while you talk to Micheletto?" I asked, my voice so quiet. "I don't want to stand when I don't need to."
"Of course my lotus." He stood and kissed me on the forehead. "I'll be back in a moment then we can go to the lake for lunch." I watched him leave and dipped my head back in the seat. Of course I didn't want to get up but also I didn't want to hear the conversation they were going to have. I assume it would not be pretty. Micheletto his Cesare's best friend and he helped the mother of his child run off without telling a soul. Who knows, his current good mood may turn that conversation into a different direction. Still I sat in silence and didn't even bother to try and listen to their conversation. I was too tired but that was common for me as of late. It was the only reason that we were going down to the lake. Valentino wanted me to get up and get fresh air. He said I have, understandably, gotten lazy. He isn't wrong but I have a reason. Maria did have me bed resting for a bit but now she agrees that I should get up. I'm not sure why there was a change of her mind but here we are. Though I wasn't too mad at the idea of spending time outside. The lake was beautiful and the weather has happened been lovely lately. Now that Cesare was here we could enjoy it together.
The door creaked open and the assumption was that it was Cesare but when I turned slightly it was Valentino. "How are you feeling?" He asked me, his voice was low, almost a whisper. The door shut slowly behind him as if he didn't want anyone to hear.
"I feel relieved." I replied as he sat in the chair next to me. "He isn't angry with me." My smile must be contagious as I watched Valentino grow one as well.
"That is good to hear, it has been wearing on your for some time."
"I also feel so stupid as well." I sat up in my chair a bit, sitting up straight. "We could have been together this whole time, enjoying this pregnancy as we should have." I paused for a moment though. So many thoughts and emotions were going through me right now. It seemed worse because I was pregnant, having a baby has proved to make everything I feel ten times worse. "But then also I couldn't have been here with you." I continued.
"What?" His eyebrows raised and his eyes widened.
"I've enjoyed my time here, my time with you." My smile that before was a wide grin slid into warm twinkle. "You have made this place a home for me." I reached my hand over to him and took his arm. "Thank you." I squeezed his arm. "Truly, I am grateful." He hasn't once mentioned the night we spent together. Did he truly not remember anything?
"No need to thank me Lena." He placed his hand on mine. "You are welcome here any time." He was too sweet and I owed him a great debt.
"I haven't left yet but when I return to Rome may I write to you?" Once again his eyebrows raised, surprised at what I have said. "You have become a very dear friend to me and I wish to still talk to you even when I'm away."
"You need not ask, of course you may." Holding his arm turned into me holding him as I reached across to hug him.
"I miss you already." I squeezed him tighter and I felt him do the same.
"I know you haven't left yet either but take care of yourself Lena."
The door swung open again but this time it was loud, I knew it was Cesare this time. Letting go of Valentino and looking to the door it was confirmed that it was him. He paused for a moment and I knew what he was thinking. This couldn't have been a worse time for him to come in.
"You spoke to Micheletto?" I tried to speak before he could.
"Yes." He responded as I stood up, or at least tried to. It was difficult to stand on my as I would topple over without help.
"Take my hand." Valentino stepped in front of me, reaching out his hands for mine. Pulling me up in one quick movement, he was used to this by now. My hands grabbed onto him for stability for just a second, but it was enough for Cesare to come rushing over.
"Ready to go? You must be starving." Cesare took my hand and began to lead me away. I dare not look as his face as he came close to Valentino. We were almost to the door when I turned back around. Breaking free of Cesare's grip I could hear him huff. I would have made my pace faster but it's hard when another human was growing in me. Valentino again was shocked at my actions. Taking his hands in mine. "Truly, thank you Valen-" I corrected myself before he could "Val." This made him smile and even blush. I could have been seeing it wrong but I was sure his cheeks were turning red. A proper hug was in order. Wrapping my arms around him I pressed my ear against his chest and held him tightly. He hugged me back, resting his chin on my head. Cesare must be overcome with anger but he can suffer for this moment. I didn't care. Val was a great friend who provided me with so much, he deserves more of a thank you than this but this will have to do for now. "Promise me you'll write back." I still held him but I craned my neck up to look upon his face. For a split second I could have sworn his face was a scowl before it turned soft when he looked upon me.
"I promise." Part of me didn't want to leave him. It would still be a bit before I left but I knew when I did it would hurt.
Reaching up on my toes I kissed him lightly on the cheek. It was just a quick one but the moment my lips were there I felt his hot skin.
"We will see you for dinner then?" I asked, letting him go. An instant chill came over me as I was no longer in his warmth.
"Of course. I will make sure it is grand in honor of Cardinal Borgia." As he said his name I took Cesare's hand once again. His hand was hot just as I expected.
"Thank you." Cesare replied in a low voice as he nodded. He didn't seem please but that wasn't shocking at all.
I waved goodbye to Val before I left. This felt like a true goodbye even though it wasn't. In a way I guess it could seem so. We are saying goodbye to the life we had been living together for the past few months. Not a bad life it was. Being away from the Vatican, not thinking about my father improved my mood immensely.
When we walked out, Micheletto wasn't there but Maria was. "Would you like me to come with you?" She asked.
"I will be fine." Reassuring her. I had wondered where Micheletto had gone and what Cesare said to him. I really hoped Cesare wasn't mad. "Besides I really just want to be with Cesare."
"Of course. Everything is ready for you."
"Thank you."
Cesare kept his hand on my back as we walked outside. He was suspiciously quiet but I can assume why. The carriage was an open one. But I couldn't help but smile as it was new. It was for me, it had to be. Val knew I liked staring at the clouds, and the stars. It must have been why he wanted to go to lunch today, he wanted to show me this. My heart felt so full but yet part of it broke as he couldn't be here to enjoy this with me.
Turning back towards the villa I saw Val standing in the doorway. He bowed to me which only confirmed my suspicions. "Thank you." I mouthed to him. Cesare had not yet seen and he wouldn't as Val backed into his villa and shut the door. He deserved the world. Within the last hour my emotions have had highs and lows but this moment seemed to be both if that were even possible. Cesare was here and completely ecstatic about the baby but at the same time it robbed Val of something he was planning.
"My lady." Cesare reached his hand out for me to help me in the carriage. Every movement I made he was right there to help me and I needed it. Settling down into the carriage I just felt my heart sink lower and lower. "You must tell me about where we are going." He sunk down in the seat next to me and the driver of the carriage had us off in mer moments.
"Of course." What could I possibly tell him? That this was the lake where I realized I wanted to have sex with Val? Were if it not for this baby I probably would have acted on my desires. I had to put Val out of my mind so I could enjoy this day. How hard that would be is uncertain.
I held onto Cesare as we rode to the lake. Our fingers were interlocked and my head rested on his shoulder. He didn't speak but he hummed as the carriage made its way down the dirt paths. The day was far hotter than expected but it was bearable with the breeze. Cesare was smiling, a constant smile which for him was rare.
There was a white metal table with matching chairs set up. Food was already out for us. Two maids stood to the side at another table that had some extra food and drinks. The whole set up was under a willow tree, a different area than where we spent Catherine's birthday.
Cesare helped me out of the carriage, holding my hand and guiding me to the table. He pulled out the chair for me but I didn't sit. I just went up to Cesare and embraced him tightly. He was real, he was really here. "I've missed you." My voice was muffled in his clothes.
"And I missed you my love." He stroked the top of my head. I looked up and him, pushed myself up on my toes and kissed him. I had caught him by surprise as I felt his tense body loosen. He held my face in his hand as our kiss deepened. To have him in my arms once again felt like a dream. To kiss him felt indescribably euphoric.
He broke the kiss but our foreheads remained touching. His hand moved from the side of my face to my chin, holding it lightly as he nuzzled me. "My lotus." He whispered. A tear slowly fell down my cheek.
"I'm sorry." I whispered back.
"Don't say sorry." He kissed my forehead. "I'm just happy to have you back with me." His thumb wiped away my tears and my whole body felt warm. "Don't cry." He smiled, his forehead on mine. "It will all be okay now." He gave me a quick kiss on my cheek. "Come sit." He stepped away from me but held onto my hand. "You are most certainly tired." He guided me to the chair right before taking the seat next to me. We were close, our hands linked together as if we would never let go again.
The food on the table was meats, cheese, breads and desserts. There was wine and also tea that I assumed was for me. It was all small plates but there was plenty of it, enough to replace a meal. I wasn't hungry however. I was before Cesare was here but since he arrived my appetite seems to have faded. Cesare himself took a drink of the wine. He seemed pleased with it.
"Cesare, how did you find me?" The question had been burning in my head since he had arrived. He shook his head and scoffed. "Micheletto didn't tell you did he?" Was he mad that I was giving my baby to Val? Is that why he told?
"No. He was loyal to you." He seemed irritated. "Brutus' girls attended a party some weeks ago. A couple of them thought they saw you they, though they weren't sure if it was or not." He cleared his throat. "It wasn't until a week later that some of the girls were talking about the event. One of the other girls mentioned a weird encounter she had with the lord of the villa." My eyes flickered. "She said that while they were having sex he whispered a name in her ear at climax. It took her a moment to remember the name but it was yours." I swallowed hard, my throat dry. Is that true? Why would he lie? "How vile!" Cesare slammed his hand on the table making the dishes rattle. I jumped. "I'd kill him if I could." He whispered so Val's staff wouldn't hear. "I fill with rage every time I think about it." He was grinding his teeth.
"Cesare please." I brought his hand to my lips and kissed his knuckles. "Don't let it get to you." I tried to calm him. "One man's vile thoughts are none of your concern." He peered into me. His dark eyes full of such rage, such anger that I'm sure if he had the table again it would break.
"I can't imagine what would have happened if I hadn't found you sooner. He could have taken advantage of you." His face was red with anger, a vein was pulsing in his throat.
"Cesare please!" I didn't know how to calm him. "Soon we will be gone." I reminded him. "Home with our baby." He was silent for a moment, his grip on my hand was tight. "It is you and I Cesare. No one else."
"You're right." His face lightened. "I have you back." He kissed my hand. "When we return home all of this be forgotten." He took another drink of wine, seemingly to calm himself down. "Anyway, not long after Brutus was in Rome. We went out for a night of drinking and that's when he told me that his girls saw you. When I tell you I  raced home so fast my horse must have plowed through a dozens people." He chuckled.
"That's why you came alone?" I asked.
"Yes, I had no time, I had to see you." He smiled gleefully. "Let's not talk of this anymore." He waved it away. "How are you feeling? Have they been treating you well?"
Was the courtesans story true? Had Val really whispered my name while having sex with her? It must be, how else would Cesare found me? Her story still could have been made up. Maybe she knew my name the whole time and just pretended not to so she could tell her scandalous story. Either way because of her, my secret is known. And if her story was true that would me Val was thinking of me when he was with her. Cesare hated the idea and he wanted me to hate it too but surprisingly I didn't. If he went into it trying to replace me with someone or if it was just something he said in the heat of the moment is information I don't have. If I'm allowed to sit by a lake and think about fucking him then he's allowed to think of me as well. Now all I thought about is being that girl.