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I pull my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. My eyes trail away from the stars high above and to in front of me, where the trees surround us. And as Lexa and I sit in silence it's soon stopped by a bag gently placed by my side. I glance over and see my bag. My eyes widen and then soften as I turn and look to Lexa. Her green eyes are locked on my bag as he hand stays resting on the strap.
"You drew me a lot," Lexa's voice is a whisper. I look away from her feeling my cheeks burn. "I didn't mean to invade but I...I-"
I look to the girl and see her pull her hand away from my bag. Her eyes directly on me now. I clench my jaw, softening my eyes unsure of what she was wanting or going to say. If it was what I'm thinking, I want her to say it. Badly.
"Heda-" A voice speaks. Lexa turns her eyes away from me and looks up to her right, my left. I look to finding Gustus. The three of us remain silent and I can see by the way Gustus looks at me he doesn't like me. So I look away, knowing Lexa is to leave. She stays sitting for a moment longer before turning her head and looking to me. Out of the corner of my eyes I see her eyes loo down. She gets up soon after but stopping a moment, leaning towards me.
"We'll talk tomorrow," She whispers into my ear and then stands completely. I look out to the opening of trees, clenching my jaw hearing the girl walk away, talking with Gustus leaving me on my own with nothing but the stars to look at.
Several knocks appear at the door causing me to sit up quickly. My eyes adjust to the dim light and I look down at my journal tilting my head as I hear the door open then close. "Sorry did I wake you up?" Raven's voice asked and tilt my head at the sketch before shaking my head glancing to the girl. Raven walks towards me and I quickly shut the journal standing up and walking towards the bed briefly.
"What's up Reyes?" I question, keeping my eyes off of her and my back facing her for a moment. But when I don't hear her I turn around swiftly seeing her looking at the drawing I was just staring down at. "Raven-"
"These are amazing. How come you never let me see any of your drawings?" Raven asks cutting me off, picking up her head. From there our eyes lock and I feel my eyes soften as I shake my head.
"Like you said, I was shy back then," I respond glancing down to the journal walking towards her. "They don't matter anyways-" I reach out, grabbing a hold of the journal and taking it out of the mechanics hands. Once it's in my hands I close the journal and set it back down while feeling Raven's brown eyes on mine.
"Why wouldn't they matter Y/N? They're amazing," Raven speaks and I shake my head shrugging my shoulders, while keeping my eyes on the journal.
"They use to matter but now..." I let my voice linger tearing my eyes from the journal and to the olive skinned girl. "I don't even remember drawing some of them."
Raven squints her eyes and tilts her head. "What do you mean?"
"I mean it's happening again-" I pause a second taking a step back from the girl and crossing my arms over my chest. "Back at Becca's lab I would try not to fall asleep because when I did and I was left in front of paper I found myself drawing. I drew the bunker Raven and I didn't remember drawing it. It's the same thing with some of those drawings. I draw one thing and then everything else is blank. I wake up and look at the drawings and can't remember drawing them."
I sink my teeth into my bottom lip tearing my eyes from Raven's, feeling myself tear up. "Y/N, hey-" Raven steps towards me and places her hand on my arm. Gently I take a step back.
"Some of the drawings are good but some are...aren't anything anyone should see," I whisper looking to the journal. I walk past Raven and take a seat in the chair opening the journal back up.
"Y/N, what are you doing-"
"You want me to be open and honest with you. That's what Lexa wanted right?" I look to her pausing what I'm doing. She crosses her arms over her chest and nods up and down walking over to me. I nod back and look back down at the journal opening it up to a page of Raven covered in blood. "This was a year ago..."
A gasp escapes from Raven and I hear her take a step back. I place my arm over it and glance down to my lap. "I remember drawing you but on the previous page... Everything's a blur but when I woke up I found myself staring at this drawing."
"Was it the day you wouldn't look or speak to me?" Raven questioned and I slowly nodded my head up and down.
"I couldn't bring myself too. Not for a while-" I pause and pick my head up looking to the girl. "I didn't want to hurt you. I feel like drawings these might cause-"
"Y/N, it's been three years since this has been happening though and you haven't hurt me or anyone else," Raven said cutting me off and bending down in front of me. I shake my head shrugging my shoulders.
"Maybe, but it could still happen..." I tear my eyes from her and close the journal. "You know, I'm um pretty tired."
"Yeah... I just wanted to come in and check on you from earlier." I nod at the girl still feeling her looking to me. I knew she was worried, hell so was I but maybe I wouldn't hurt her. I haven't hurt her yet and it's been three years. Gently I bite my lip feeling Raven squeeze my hand before she stands. "See you in the morning."
"Yeah, of course," I say, nodding my head and out of the corner of my eye I see her nod before turning on her heels and heading for the door. A low sigh escapes my lips as she leaves the room and I hear the door shut. I lean forward on the desk and rest my elbows on them, placing my face in my hands.
<<<<>>>>
My eyes flutter open at first but then I jolt awake. My eyes burn and something feels off. I glance around the room before noticing something on my arm. I pick up my arm swiftly noticing scratch marks against them. I clench my jaw and eye them confused as to what was on. Quickly I get out of the bed and look at the marks as questions start to flood my head. How'd these get here? Who did this? Did I do this?
"Hey Y/N-" I quickly put my arm behind my back and look up to meet Murphy's eyes. He walks in and I give him a soft nod of my head. "You good?"
"Yeah fine. Why? What's up?" I respond, looking back and forth between his eyes as he looks at me tilting his head.
"Right um- Raven's feeling sick so Monty's going to need some help," Murphy informs me then adds. "I would do it myself but me and him sort of fought a bit then he requested you seeming as Raven's taught you a bit about that stuff."
"Yeah, okay. I'll be right there," I say taking in his words. Murphy nods eyeing me curiously before nodding and stepping out of the room pulling the door closed with him. I close my eyes a second and drop my arm. After a second I open my eyes and look back down to my arm scanning the marks once more while Murphy's words replay through my head.
"Rise and shine Y/N!" Bellamy shouts through the door as several rapid knocks appear at the door causing me to jump. I say nothing back as I walk over to my chair and grab my jacket pulling it on as I walk to the door and slip on my shoes. As I get everything on I swiftly open the door and out heading to where Monty is.
