Wouldn't Dream Of It

Chapter 28

They were cuddling. There was nothing sexual about it, just two bodies entwined with each other, seeking comfort. And if he was being honest, they deserved it, they deserved the connection after being separate for so long. Jason was humming, his arm around him as he drew lazy circles on Charlie's back, the front of his body pressed to Charlie's side.

"We're stupid", Charlie said, snuggling into Jason's warmth. He felt Jason chuckle against him, "Not you, I am. I should've told Tommy to fuck off"

Charlie shrugged, "What's done is done, you can't change what happened and I told you, I get why you said it"

Jason opened his mouth to say something but Charlie interrupted him with a kiss, effectively shutting him up. He didn't want to talk, not now, he wanted to feel Jason's skin on his. Jason moaned against his lips when Charlie's hand snaked down into his pants, grabbing his cock. "fuck"

The kiss was desperate as they rutted against each other, hands running all over, trying to grab on to bare skin. "Shirt- off", Jason panted into his mouth, his grip on Charlie tightening as he pulled his shirt off, baring his body. "What the fuck?"

Charlie froze.

Fuck.

Jason's breath left him in a gasp, his eyes widening in shock as he noticed the marks on Charlie's skin. Charlie scrambled backwards, reaching for his shirt, but he was unsuccessful, leaving him feeling naked and exposed in front of Jason.

Jason slowly held up his hands, his blue eyes never leaving his body as he slowly caressed the skin near Charlie's collarbone.

"What happened?", the words were soft, softer than he thought Jason was capable of.

Charlie slowly raised his eyes to meet his lover's gaze, chuckling nervously, "The...cat scratched me?"

And by the looks of it, Jason was not convinced, "Baby, you don't have a cat"

"Pfft", Charlie spluttered, "I do"

"Charlie"

He huffed, dropping his head low, "Fuck, fine. I did it to myself okay? It's no big deal"

Jason jerked back with a hitch of his breath and Charlie shut his eyes, knowing that if he opened them, he'll be hit with Jason's expression of disgust and repulsion. But he wasn't ready for the way Jason looked at him, shock and concern marring his features.

"Why? I don't understand, the marks, why would you-", he seemed to be at a loss of words, opening and closing his mouth like a fish, "Why would you hurt yourself?"

Charlie couldn't help the laugh that left him, "You wouldn't understand"

Jason reached forward to cup his cheek, tilting his face up, "But I want to, and I want to help you so tell me how I can do that"

He studied Jason's features, "Sometimes, at least for me, I go through this phase of pure self-loathing, I hate myself, I hate my body I hate everything about me and there's nothing I can do about it, caused I'm messed up", he tapped his temple, "In here"

"Wait this", Jason pointed to the pen scratches, "You did this last week? After what I said"

Charlie flushed, looking away and apparently that was answer enough.

"Jesus Christ, I had no idea"

"It's okay, it's not your fault, you're not the one who hurt me, I did it to myself"

Jason sighed, exasperated, "And you think, that's better? Charlie you shouldn't be hurting yourself"

"But I need it! I can't fucking stop!", Charlie half yelled, desperate for Jason to understand that there was no fixing this, fixing him.

"Can I hold you?", was the only thing Jason asked. Charlie looked at him suspiciously, "You want to hold me? Right now?"

"Yeah"

Charlie moved towards him and Jason maneuvered them both so that they were laying on the bed, legs tangled together.

"How long?", Jason asked after a long minute, "You don't have to tell me, obviously but"

"A year", Charlie admitted, "Maybe longer"

He felt Jason flinch against him, arms tightening a fraction.

"I'm sorry I never noticed"

Charlie shrugged at that, "I did everything I could to hide it, it's not your fault"

And it really wasn't. Jason wasn't the one who cut him.

"I don't know much about this", Jason said slowly, his finger tips running over Charlie's hip bone, "Is there anything I can do to help? Anything at all?"

Charlie inched closer to him, lightly kissing his lips, "Just be there for me, don't look at me like I'm different"

"I can do that"

"Good"

Charlie had almost fallen asleep when he suddenly heard Jason giggle. He jerked up, looking at the man.

"I'm sorry!", Jason looked panicked for a second, "I just thought of something, it was so stupid it made me laugh"

Charlie raised his eyebrow teasingly, "Care to share with the class?"

Jason huffed, cheeks flushing in what Charlie assumed was embarrassment.

"I read a book once", he said, "The first MC told the other MC about his self harm scars and he ends up getting spanked"

Charlie choked out a laugh, first at the absurdity of it and second at the fact that Jason Pierce reads books, and by the sound of it...romance books.

"Oh my god, you read porn?"

"Shut up", he rolled his eyes, "And it's smut not porn"

Charlie smirked, "Tomato, tomato"

They both chuckled at that, smiling at each other and an intense wave of affection for Jason swept through him, making his grin fade away. He was getting too comfortable, too attached and he was not prepared for heart ache.

"What's wrong?", Jason frowned, the tip of his finger tracing Charlie's cheek.

"It's nothing, not really"

Jason let out a breath, pulling Charlie to him, "I want you try to not harm yourself anymore, I'll help you, but god you have to promise me you'll never do that again", he held Charlie tightly, "I can't stand watching you hurt yourself"

Charlie pressed their cheeks together, "I'll try, I promise"

We're getting close to the end of the book🤧. Hope you liked it! Don't forget to comment and vote.