Aces & Spades

Anxiety

Bella:

There is no oxygen in this room. 

Even if there is I couldn't breathe. 

I try to blink back my tears, but the rapid pace of my heart doesn't slow down. I could feel the air thinning, escaping from my lungs as I try to gulp in more. I try to scream for help, but it only comes out as a soft breath. My body feels limp and cold as my eye lids start to force shut.

"Bella? Are you okay?" I hear a muffled voice speak but I couldn't make out who it was.

I feel my legs give way beneath me, dropping me down to the carpeted floor. Leaving me in darkness yet again.

Massimo:

I pace around my office, still listening to Giovanni talk about the shipment coming in on Saturday. Just as I was going to sit down on my chair, my door slams open. 

"What the fuck-" I spot Isabella's limp body in Luca's arms as he quickly paces towards me. I stand up, tipping the chair back to the floor with a thud. 

"I found her like this in the shooting range. She was having a panic attack before she passed out." He says as he hands her over to me. I carry her, sitting down on the leather sofa on the side of the room, I hug onto her body. "Isabella? Isabella, please wake up." I say as I gently tap her cheeks. I place my fingers against her neck, finding the fast, arrhythmic beating of her heart. 

"Get her some water now." 

Luca nods his head as he runs out of the room.

Still holding Isabella in my arms, I pull her towards my chest, kissing her forehead softly. I feel her stir around, a small tear falling from her eye which I wipe away with my thumb. "Isabella please wake up. I'm so sorry." The reality kicks in. I did this. 

I caused her to have this panic attack. 

It was me. 

I shouldn't have taken her down there. I should've realized that she wasn't in a good state of mind. Not after she just found out everything about her parents.   

She flutters open her eye lids, her dark looking eyes focusing onto mine. She tries to get up, but I gently grab onto her tighter to stop her from moving. "Don't move sweetheart just relax for a second, okay?" 

Luca comes back in with a cup filled with water. I take it from him, placing the edge against her lips. She takes a small sip before moving her head back weakly, resting it against my chest. I nod my head at Luca as a thank you and he leaves the room, shutting the door behind him. 

"What happened?" I ask, fear rising through my body. But, she doesn't speak, she just looks down at the floor. I gently tilt her face up to look at mine, seeing the glossy lining of tears casting a shadow over her eyes. "What happened Isabella." I whisper gently, stroking her cheek for comfort. 

"N-nothing." She mumbles out, shutting her tired eyes closed. 

"I'm so sorry." I whisper into her hair. The guilt was consuming me, eating me up. I did this to the only girl who cared about me.

She opens her eyes slightly, "Don't apologize Massimo-." 

"I did this." A burning feeling pulses through my chest. "I caused you to have a panic attack. I did all this to you. I shouldn't have taken you there. I-I'm sorry." I rest my cheek onto the top of her head, holding onto her tighter than ever before. 

"I saw you." She finally whispers into the silence. 

I move my head back to look into her tear-filled eyes. 

"I saw you shoot him Massimo."

Realization hits me. She saw all that? She heard all of it? She was there? 

"You looked the same as you did in that shooting range. I could only see your back but you looked so certain. So ready to kill him." 

I think back to that night. How I looked him into his pleading eyes with tears falling out of my own. I whispered I'm sorry over and over but his screams covered them up. 'I wish you didn't do that to Melissa.' I said to him as we both cried. I was holding that gun for what felt like hours before one of my fathers' men helped pull the trigger. 

She looks up at me as if she expects me to say something to her, other than how sorry I truly am. 

"And I can't believe I-" She cuts herself off, rubbing her shaky hands across her temple. 

"You can't believe what?" I prod on as she cries in my arms. 

"I can't believe that I'm in love with you." I feel time stop in its place. Everything seemed to slow down apart from my beating heart.

She loves me? 

No one has ever loved me. 

My breath hitches in my throat, silencing me completely. 

I look down into her teary, hazel eyes, it almost looks as if she's pleading for me to say it back but I can't. Once I do that, I could never let her go. Once I say that she will know my weakness is her and so will everyone else. 

If loving her is a weakness, then I am only a weak man.

But I can't let anything happen to her. I can't let anyone hurt her even though, I already did. I broke her heart, her soul. I took something away from her that meant the world to her and she is still here, telling me that she loves me. 

I stay silent, until she shifts off my lap to sit beside me on the sofa. 

'I'll never be good enough for you.' I want to tell her but I don't.

Bella:

I felt an unfamiliar pair of arms hoist me up and carry me somewhere. Everything was a blur, apart from Massimo's fearful eyes as he looked down at me in his arms. 

He kept apologizing but it wasn't him who did this. This was already with me. It always has been, and it always will. I know why he did what he had to do. And I don't hate him for it. 

No. Instead I hate the man who raised me. Who hurt an innocent girl even though he had a daughter. 

When I finally admitted to Massimo that I love him, a weight was lifted off my shoulders, and another heavier set was added on.

He said nothing. Because he doesn't love me back. 

I tried to hide away the feeling of shame as I move out of his grip. 

"You should get some rest." He murmurs out. I just nod my head, standing up swiftly, which just results in me stumbling back down again, but I was caught by Massimo. 

He gently places me back down onto the sofa. "You can sleep here if you want." I nod my head, lying down on my side. Massimo grabs a soft velvet blanket from next to the sofa, covering it over me. He grabs some decorative pillows and places them under my head. I watch as he moves back to his seat, pulling it up from the floor, and grab his paperwork from one of the files.

Massimo:

I look up from my desk around a few minutes later, watching her chest rise and fall slowly, her eyes sealed shut. I make my way over to where she was lying, crouching down to the floor so that I was at eye level with her. I gently kiss her delicate lips, whilst pushing the fallen strands of hair away from her face. 

"I love you." I breath out, it barely being a whisper. She doesn't respond. I give her another kiss before standing up and walking back to my desk quietly.

3K!? Ahhhh! Thank you all so much! I never thought that I would get here at all. I hope that everyone is enjoying the story. I love you all stay safe!