Bad Reputation - Shawn Mendes

34 - Frustrations

Eleanor.

"All I want for Christmas is you!" Mariah Carey sings through the blasting speakers. I'm currently going Christmas shopping to get gifts before going back to Pickering. I'm honestly very excited to be spending time with family and friends and taking a break because school has been keeping me real busy lately. I grab everything and place them into the cart for check out. Once i was done, i headed back to the dorms to pack up everything and prepare for tomorrow's trip. We decided to travel early in the morning so that there'll be less traffic to deal with which is why I need to get everything done before going to sleep.

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"Shawn's here!" I exclaim after reading the text he sent. Aaliyah and I quickly grab all our stuff and head downstairs where Shawn was waiting for us. We placed everything into the trunk and I sit shotgun while Aaliyah sat in the backseat. "Ready to go?" Shawn asks as we buckle up. "Yes." Aaliyah replies and I nod. Shawn reverses out of the parking lot with one hand on the wheel and one hand on my thigh. "Happy Christmas Eve guys." I smile as i plug my phone into the aux chord to play Christmas songs to really get into the spirit. "Woohoo!" Aaliyah shouts in the back and everyone laughs. We jam out to the songs, singing our hearts out as i watch the snow fall and the scenery change.

After 2 hours of driving, we finally arrived in Pickering. Shawn had dropped me off at my house and i gave him a kiss before leaving. I step into the house and immediately engulf my dad in a hug. "I've missed you." I mutter. "Me too pumpkin." He smiles. "What are you doing?" I ask while putting my stuff down. "Ever since you left for college i've been trying to get into cooking again." He says as he stirs the pot. "Are you making your special pasta?" I ask excitedly. "You know it." He winks. "Smells good. I'm going to go unpack, call me if you need me!" I inform him and he nods.

I bring my stuff up the stairs and start unpacking. We plan to stay here for the whole winter break, till New Years, which is why i brought some clothes along. This room brings back a lot of memories where i used to cry quietly whenever i feel down. And it also reminded me about how i used to sneak boys in but that was the old me, before i met Shawn. Once i was done unpacking, i laid down on my bed, reminiscing the times that weren't so great but have really shaped me to be who i am today.

"Foods ready!" My dad calls me. "Coming!" I yell and quickly go down to the kitchen. My dad sets up two plates onto the table and i take a seat. We munch down on the delicious pasta that takes me back to my childhood when my dad used to cook for me, before i took over in the kitchen. "Taste as good as I remember." I say in between bites. "Thanks pumpkin." He grins before wiping his mouth with a napkin. As we ate, i told him how stressful college has been and that it wasn't like how i expected it to be. He comforted me by saying that i'm strong like mom and that i could get through anything which really did help me a lot.

After we were done with the food, i washed the dishes and he stayed around to chat, which was what we did pretty much the whole day. We sat on the sofa, talking about our lives and it felt like i was truly back home. "I have something to tell you." My dad clears his throat. "Yes?" I respond, waiting to hear what he has to tell me. "I lost my second job." He sighs. "W-when?" I stutter. "Around end of November, so before i went to Toronto." He confesses. "Why didn't you tell me then?" I ask, raising my voice slightly. "I didn't want you to worry, and i thought i could find another job first but it's been really hard." He sobs. "It's okay dad, i understand. But what happened?" I scoot closer and put my arm around him. "The company recruited someone younger and more equipped than me to take over my position. I didn't really have much of choice." He purses his lips together into a line. "Maybe it's a good thing, you've worked so hard all your life dad. I think it's time for you to take a break and enjoy a little." I reassure him. "You're right. But if i don't find another job, we might not be able to afford all your college tuition." He trembles. "We'll figure something out, we always do." I hug him and we stay like this for awhile.

My dad's stomach grumbles causing us to pull away. I look over at the clock and it's already almost dinner time. "Hungry?" I tease and he laughs. "Come on, let's eat the leftover pasta." He says and so we did. We reheated the pasta and ate again. I was honestly quite sad that my dad didn't tell me earlier that he was struggling but i'm glad he did tell me sooner than later.

I was starting to feel tired after dinner so we decided to have an early night and just lie down in bed. Once my body hit the bed, i decided to text Shawn to see how he's doing but no reply. It's fine, he's probably just busy spending time with his family. I get out of bed and head to the showers after realising that i'm still in outside clothes. The warm shower was exactly what i needed to soothe the feeling of frustration i had. I know how hard my dad works for me and i feel really guilty about it. And it worries me that if he doesn't work two jobs, we might not be able to pay for college tuition despite my savings.

I pull myself out of the shower and lay in bed, tossing and turning to try and think of a way to earn money. It would be too embarrassing to ask Shawn for help, even though i know he would be more than happy to help. Which reminds me to check my phone again to see if Shawn had replied but he hasn't. I groan and get out of bed, i needed some fresh air. I grab my coat and head to the front porch and sat down on a chair. Winter in Pickering is very beautiful although it's freezing cold. I rub my hands together to keep warm and I see a guy walking up towards me, waving his hands excitedly.

"Jacob?" I call. "Hey Elle, long time no see." He smiles and takes a seat next to me. Jacob is Chloe's ex, who also happens to lives opposite me. "Yeah." I shoot a fake smile. I didn't really feel like interacting with anyone right now and Jacob and I didn't really get along well. "What are you doing out here?" He asks. "Just wanted to enjoy being back." I lie, I obviously wasn't going to tell Jacob what happened, no way in hell would that happen. "Yeah it's beautiful isn't it?" He says and i nod. He notices me rubbing my hands together and removes his jacket, wrapping it over my shoulder. "Thanks but i don't need it." I try to take the jacket off. "Please, I insist." He grins and i cover myself up again with his jacket.

There's a moment of silence between us before he speaks again. "Look Elle, I have always regretted not standing up for you back in high school." He starts off and i just keep quiet, staring at my feet. "I used to like you, like a lot. And when Chloe started that rumour, it gave me a glimpse of hope that it might be true, that you did want to steal me away from her. So i did a stupid thing and didn't say anything, which if i could go back in time, i would change." He says. "I see." I respond simply, not knowing what to say. "Anyways, you started to act different and change into the names they were calling you, and that's when i realised the rumour wasn't true but it was too late to defend you." He sighs.

"Why are you telling me this now?" I snap, not wanting to remember the past. "I-i don't know. When i saw you outside on the front porch, I just knew i had to come talk to you and tell you everything." Jacob rubs the back of his neck. "Well, it's all in the past now and honestly i don't care." I know I've cleared things up with Chloe, but i really didn't want to talk about it, especially when I'm already feeling stressed out. "I'm sorry Elle. I didn't mean to hurt you." He apologises. "Go home Jacob." I stand up and walk away, placing his jacket on his lap.

His hand wraps around my wrist and pulls me back, causing me to turn around and face him again. He pulls me into his chest and hugs me tight, making it difficult for me to remove myself from his embrace. "What the hell!" I exclaim while trying to push him away. "Please forgive me." He whispers. "No." I say bluntly and he finally lets go of me. I turn around and stomp off back into my house, maybe coming back to Pickering wasn't as great as i thought it would be.