Till Forever Falls Apart

Chapter 12: Your Heart and Mine (Part Two)

Val did not expect her father to shout.

He had never shouted at her before, she reminded herself. He never got angry with her or snapped. Her father was doing was absolutely nothing.

And somehow, that was worse compared to everything else.

She ran. She wasn't sure why. Perhaps it was the shame she felt having lied to everyone, or maybe it was that waiting for his response was torture in and of itself. She shot out of her chair and ran down the hall, taking a sharp turn as she jumped up the stairs faster than she ever had. Running to her room and closing the door behind her, she sank to the floor and pulled her knees to her chest the way she had when she was younger, and played hide and seek with her family.

Val looked up to the wall of her room near the window, every inch covered in photographs. She had nothing else to do, so she watched the people move in the small frame, her eyes falling on her most favorite one of all. It had been a photo taken just a few minutes after she was born. She was wrapped in a swaddle and pressed against Sirius' chest. Remus had his arm around him and the baby, his chin settled comfortably into the small space where Sirius' neck and shoulder met. Sirius was looking down at the baby like he had never experienced something so great in his entire lifetime.

And she cried again, feeling undeserving of the family that had loved her more than anything.

She did not know how much time had passed. Time was a strange thing, Val realized, when one was replaying their every memory and wishing they could fix parts here and there. Maybe it had been a few minutes, or a dark few hours of surveying the parts of her heart she wanted desperately to do away with.

A gentle knock came at the door, and Val hesitated, deciding whether or not to open it up. She could pretend to be sleeping and tell them later she hadn't heard the noise. Or, she thought dreadfully, she could face whoever it was on the other side of that door and beg for a mercy she didn't feel she was worthy of.

She gave in and chose the latter, reprimanding herself for being too curious, knowing she would be restless if the person went away and she never knew who it had been. Turning the knob slowly and taking a deep breath, the flames of the candles in the hall quivered as Val made out the person's face.

It was Lily.

A deep sob shook Val as Lily opened her arms, inviting the child near and closing the door behind her. The young woman led her over to the alcove, which she knew was the girl's favorite area of her room. The dangling enchanted leaves swayed and the sheer curtains hid her away from the world when she read, opening her up to entirely new realms.

Lily propped up a pillow behind her back and laid against it, still holding Val in her arms and soothing her with gentle shushes, reminding the young girl that she was there and it was okay.

Val had quieted down and was now listening to the rise and fall of Lily's chest as they sat in silence, waiting for her to speak.

"Your dad, Sirius, was so nervous to become a father," Lily said softly. Val slowly turned towards her, instinctively snuggling closer and resting her head on her shoulder. Lily held her as if she was six years old again, stroking her hair as she spoke.

"Remus was a nervous wreck as well, but I think he managed it better than Sirius."

Val closed her eyes to stop them from filling with tears again. The horrible, guilty feeling now felt like it was consuming her, and she couldn't do anything to fix what she had broken: her relationship with her most favorite person in the world.

"I remember one day, a few weeks before you were born, I found Sirius in your nursery. It was quite a sight, seeing him hold that stuffed bunny that he kept moving around. Said it didn't look right in any of the places he put it," she laughed.