Till Forever Falls Apart

Chapter 11: Your Heart and Mine (Part One)

(From the perspective of Sirius)

All at once, everything clicked.

    No sudden rush of anger ran through him. He did not storm out, he did not question her, he did not make any movement. Not a single twitch.

    The young girl he loved with all his heart was falling apart in front of his very eyes, and yet all he could do was sit there, watching her break.

    And now, he stood with his hands clutched to either side of the bathroom sink, staring back at the reflection he thought he had finally come to terms with. Years of struggling within himself, hours and endless nights of regret and staring up at the stars, praying for something up above to save him from his greatest fears.

    His universe was born on the night of November 1st, 1979, and he made a singular vow four minutes after midnight when she had first come into the world. The cruel, terrifying, shaking world that had turned him mad countless times over.

    Sirius Black vowed to himself the first time he laid eyes on his world that he would never become his father or mother.

    She didn't tell you because she's scared of you, some dark and petrifying voice whispered to him. You cannot run from the blood of those who gave you the breath in your own lungs.

    No, Sirius fought back against the quiet voice in his mind. She's everything to me. I am not a sliver of who my parents were.

    Am I?

    Why else do you think she couldn't tell you something as simple as her being sorted into Ravenclaw? The voice fought back, reaching into the very depths of Sirius' past, pulling every memory he had struggled to hide deep down within the parts of his soul he wished he did not have to bear.

    Sirius ran his fingers through his hair, pressing them to his face as he felt his reality crumble around him.

    I am not like them.

    I am not like them.

    I... am... not...

    Then why was she so scared?

    He pulled his knees to his chest, a way he hadn't done in years since he was a small boy, hiding from his parents' demands.

    Please, Sirius begged the voice. Go away.

    There was pounding at the door, but he could not give the voice an identity. He thought back to his daughter, wanting to hold her in his arms and tell her a thousand things. She would look into his eyes, with that wondrous glow, and he would know that everything was going to be okay. It was why he hugged her so often.

She was his person.

    But she had run from the sight of him as soon as she had told him her secret, and the young father believed with every part of his godforsaken mind that it was because she was scared of what he would do, just like he had done fifteen years ago with his own family.

     Sirius pushed himself off the floor and stared hatefully back at himself, accepting the voice within him.

    I thought I could run, he said to the voice. It was some cursed fate, wasn't it?

    Yes, his mind whispered once more, inviting him further into its void.

    Sirius cried more than he ever had.

    Maybe I am them after all.