Denying Draco

12 - Negative Affirmations

Lying in bed at night amongst the dead silence of the Hogwarts girls' dorm was the first time Poppy had managed to take out the time to think over the events of her first proper day at the wizarding school. For it only being her first day, a lot had happened, and she felt like she'd already been there for weeks. She already felt at home, she already adored her new friends and she had enjoyed her first day of classes, excluding Snape's. The idea that her mother could arrive at the end of the week to try and take her home was saddening. It was the idea that she may not see her new friends again and also him.

Draco was a type of person that Poppy had never come across in her life. Everyone she had ever met had always been nice to her, pleasant to talk to, respectful and kind. She was aware that joining a school full of teenagers would be cause for clashing with some unfriendly personalities, but she'd never imagined for the life of her that she would meet someone like Draco.

As she lay in her bed, she could only think about the butterflies that she felt when she remembered their encounter in the Room of Requirement. It had been so out of character for her, but she had never grown up around other teenagers that much and her parents had certainly never given her any sex talks. She'd figured it all out herself and when the time had come earlier that day for her very first kiss, her very first sexual experience, she had not known whether it was a good or bad thing to be doing. Because of this, she had only went with what she had felt in the moment, and that was excitement, curiosity and a deep sexual urge within her that made her want him. Now she couldn't stop wondering when the next time would be. He had made it clear he would be there if she wanted it, but he had done so in a very taunting manner. This left her even more confused than ever. She had no idea what his game was in this.

She could only imagine what her mother would say. She would be furious. She would think her an idiot. Her friends would think she was crazy after everything they had said about him. Her uncle would be ashamed. She knew it was wrong but the desire was there and she couldn't make it go away no matter how hard she tried. Even forcing herself to think about all of the terrible things about him didn't make the urges go away.

He is rude to me. He is disrespectful to me. He insults my friends. He comes from a troublesome family. He slates my family name. He is clearly hiding something. He is a Slytherin. She repeated negative affirmations in her mind to try and change her thoughts and feelings to become ones of disgust at Draco to make her stop feeling that tingling sensation whenever she thought about him. They didn't work. The second she closed her eyes and pictured his face again, she had to squeeze her thighs together.

Letting out a heavy sigh, she sat up and swung her legs out of bed. Sleep was not coming anytime soon. Pulling on some jeans and her robes over her oversized t-shirt she often wore to bed, she exited the dorm and headed down to the common room to see if anybody was up. It was empty. She did not want to go back to bed; she knew exactly what it was that she wanted in fact, as much as she was trying to ignore it.

Heading for the common room door, Poppy made the decision to sneak out. She knew it was risky and stupid but she was going out of her mind lying in bed within the silence and she told herself she just had to check one thing and she would hurry right back.

I'll just make a quick trip to the Room of Requirement and see if he's there. He probably won't be anyway. Reassuring herself of her plan wasn't making her feel any less nervous, but she made it out and hurried down the corridor, being careful to glance around for Filch.

When she finally made it to the seventh floor corridor, she began to feel excited, even though she felt slightly vexed at herself for it. Turning the corner, she made her way up the corridor to the Room of Requirement, arriving with a smile on her face before it quickly faded. She stood in front of the blank wall where the doors should have been, but a blank wall was all it was.