antebellum [t. riddle]

xlviii.

january 1945

sicaria was on the verge of a breakdown. 

well, she always was, but she was much, much closer right now. 

it was 8:50 a.m, and their portkey left at 9 sharp. it would be 2 p.m. when they landed in hogsmeade.

they had never gotten back to their conversation about how they were going to explain his arrival at hogwarts a day earlier than planned, but she truly didn't see it as a big deal. 

if dumbledore had something to say, he'd never be able to prove it.

she paced frantically around her bedroom, and though the calming draught she took slowed her heartbeat, it did nothing for the thoughts racing through her head. this upcoming semester would be very emotionally taxing. she prophesized that it would be hell on earth, except they'd forgo the physical torment for psychological turmoil.

please, if there is one thing, one small mercy, don't let them hate me. don't let them think i was using them.

there was already a rift in their friendship, all she had to do was widen it. they'd give up eventually. at least she hoped they would; she didn't know how much longer she could try to force herself not to care about them. sicaria had to keep reminding herself of how painful it would be when she left in may, and let that pain be her motivation to stay away from them. she hoped it would be strong enough, but she was always one to chase the temporary high while ignoring the long-term effects.

the thought of leaving them now made bile rise in her throat. if she continued to chain herself to them, only to be forced to leave in may, it would probably kill her. 

merlin, what have they done to me?

she looked at her clock again. 8:55.

"you're going insane," she whispered to herself before snatching her bag from the floor and heading out of her room before she had more time to second guess herself. 

riddle had on his hogwarts uniform, but in place of his robes, he wore a black cloak, nearly identical to the one she had on. he turned around glancing at her when he heard the door open before turning his attention back to what had his attention before.

riddle had the decency to reorganize her entire living room and kitchen to the exact state it was in prior to their arrival. the only difference was that he had reshelved the books on her shelf, likely in a more efficient system than she had in place before.

he was standing in the center of the room with his wand at his fingertips, scrutinizing the wall opposite her balcony. she looked at his back, noting how he seemed to tower over everything in the room. he was several inches taller than her, not so much that their height difference was comical, but it still always felt like he was looking down at her. she realized how easy it must be for him to command the attention of a room.

"something interesting?" she asked monotonously before she could stop herself. 

"there used to be a hole here," he said, pointing his wand at a spot on the wall. 

she squinted her eyes at him, but he was still facing the wall. "how did you know that?"

"i saw it in your memories."

sicaria had almost forgotten about that. 

"of course you did." she walked quickly over to her kitchen, replacing all of the stasis charms on the food she still had stored. the flavor would likely be incredibly diluted by the next time she returned, but it didn't matter. she wasn't going to just throw it out, and she didn't have time to deposit it at the food bank. "that was eight months ago."