antebellum [t. riddle]

li.

january 1945

the following days were torturous, for sicaria at least.

the alienation was grating on her, but the one thought that kept her sane was:

it could be worse.

it would've been worse.

it won't feel as bad soon.

sicaria never thought of herself as an impatient witch, but it was taking so long for her mind and body to acclimate to her newfound isolation. it wasn't as though she was consistently alone, but every time she was with anyone, she found herself comparing them to her friends. 

in charms, 

she visits silva once again, and silva begrudgingly agrees to let her help with the upcoming harvest, saying that she follows instructions better than most.

she spends lunches training with merrythought and dinners aiding sliva.

her continuous pain was not at all assuaged by the knights, who refused to back down.

for they assumed that they were the only ones who could relieve her, but she had known no greater agony than them.

for instance, in transfiguration on thursday. dumbledore had instructed the class to have a seat before his lecture (which she usually only listened absentmindedly to). she had begrudgingly taken a seat next to antonio mendoza, who was nice enough, but were closer acquaintances with rosier, lestrange, and malfoy, due to them all being on the quidditch team together. mendoza had never been anything but polite, but she couldn't help but notice the slight apprehension, questioning, and pity toward her since the rumors about her and her frien- former friends had circulated the school.

suddenly, the chair next to her was empty. she looked over to see mendoza shooting her an apologetic look and scurrying away, next to adonis, who was setting his parchment and quills down on the desk where medoza had just fled from.

"you've been avoiding us," he said, plopping down in the now-empty seat. "still."

she should have known that it would only be a matter of time until they attempted to corner her this way. she couldn't lash out or make a scene in public, nor could she get up and walk away.

"don't act surprised," she chided, not looking at him. her eyes were still on dumbledore, who was talking, but she hadn't retained a single word the professor had said. "don't pretend you didn't know."

adonis grumbled to himself for a moment as he managed to scribble notes and form an argument in his head all at once. "what are you playing at, edwards? what are you punishing us for?"

she wasn't punishing them, and even if she were, they'd deserve it.

as if she didn't have many, many reasons to punish them.

was it pureblood entitlement? was it because he had grown up wealthy and never heard the word 'no'? did he expect something from her? or was he being intentionally dense, knowing that it would keep her talking for a few moments longer?

"god forbid something not being about you."

"isn't it? it directly affects me, does it not?" he said angrily, nearly snapping his quill with how tightly it was wrapped in his fist. "and here you are, trying to replace us with a fucking gryffindor."

"the hell are you talking about?" she asked, finally glancing at him out of the corner of her eye.

he relaxed his hand and began to write his name on the assignments dumbledore had just conjured for the class. "potter! he's-"