A Court of Shorts and Storys

Broken Heart

Because apparently I can not write any positive ones about Azriel ... Here is one where Mor needs to talk to him abut their history.

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For so many years had she walked that line of almost falling in love with him and keeping him på arms length. Azriel had been a safe place, one that always there when she needed him. Never taken it further then that. She feared his anger towards Eris, but more did she fear that what would happen of she told him all of what had happened. Her new tasks over seas had given Mor a chase to look back, get some distance on everything and now had she had enough.

She was not mad that Azriel had tried to moved on to Elain, she had almost been happy to see him follow her, even if she had a sinking fealing when she saw the two of them together. The shadows that always followed Azriel, that made him look alive just disappeared around her. And then... Too see him train that priestess Gwyn. Mor had realized what she needed to do. And after the rite, after all that had happened...

Mor knocked on his door, she had taken the entier day working up courage to do this, to tell him what she needed to say. She had avoided alcohol, just to keep her head clear. Even if her nerves had wished for it. Az opened the door, and Mor hesitated. He looked so tired, his hair all over the place.

"Mor?" He asked. "Is everything fine?" He moved his hand and Mor notice truth teller at his side.

"Yes." She said. "Can I come in?" She had rehearsed what she needed to say.

"Yes." He let her in, the room was perfect, no sign of dust or a thing out of place.

"I need to tell you somethings." Mor started. Az just looked at her. "And I need you to be quiet until I am done." When she started to talk she could not be interrupted.

"Okey." Az said, and sat down. Mor took a deep breath and started.

"There was a moment before Eris brothers found me, so manny years ago, there was a short moment when only he was there, and he tried to help me. But I told him no. I told him what I had done. I told him that if he touched me, he whould be forced to keep me, that my family would force me on him. In that moment before I lost consciousness we made a bargain, to just play along." She paused holding back tears. 

"In the bargain we said to not help each other, and to keep that a secret for as long as we could. When you snared him after he attacked Feyre, he couldn't hold the bargain. So when he walked into Hewn that day, I knew that the bargain had been broken, and I was so afraid that he would tell averyone what happened. But he didn't, he continued on with the act. And I did the same. And you Az, you almost killed him on that meeting, and he had kept me safe. I have played with your feelings Az, I have done that for far to long. And I am so sorry." Az moved but Mor shook her head. 

"I am not done. I saw that you loved me, or something close to that. I hoped that you could move on, to Elain or even Gwyn. But I have played with you, out of my own selfishness, out of my own need. And that is holding you back from real happiness. I am sorry Azriel, I am so so sorry." She stopped, tears falling, sobs making her shake, and still... It was a relief to have said that, to have told him what had happened. Azriel moved, he walked to the other side of the room, his shadows swirled around him. Mor waited for his responds.

"I loved you." He said, looking out from the window. "I loved you for 500 years." Anger, sadness. Mor braced herself.
"I knew that you never would love me back, I never had any delusions of that. I loved you and I have time and time again been prepared to to everything for you. To kill Eris, Keri. Everyone that have ever hurt you. I never wanted to move on, never wanted to leave your side. Not even as Elain needed someone, and not even for Gwyn." Mor couldn't read his voice, his shadows was frozen.

"I am sorry Az..." She said again. Knowing that now... Az looked up and sighed.

"No..." He said. "You did what you needed to survive and I knew that. I was okey with that, I was Okey to be that pilar for you Mor, I never needed anything else. But I did that and believed that you had been honest with me." Hurt. She had hurt him with telling him this.
"And now you are telling me that to some part, you asked for him to toss you aside? You had a bargain with him."

"It was not that simple, you know that if he had touched me I would have been bound to him." Mor said, rasing her voice. "I never wanted any of this Az, and I am telling you now."

"I loved you Mor!" He turned and tears was falling over his cheeks. "I loved you, and only you for 500 years. I was your suprt, your guardian, your pilar for 500 years, never asking for anything in return. I loved you to the point that the moment I felt the bond to Gwyn I took of in the other direction, to damed scared what that would mean for you. I loved you Mor!" His anger cooled of, his shadows started to move again. Mor just stood there in chock for what he had said.

"Gwyn?" She only asked.

"Yes..." Az said back. Way more collected now. "I realised after the Rite. She doesn't know." Mor bit her lip, realizing what the consequences for her selfish need had become.

"I never thought that you would hold back from you mate for me..." She had hurt him, beyond what she had imagined.

"I believe for a while that you where my mate, and I waited for you. For hundred years I waited for you. Only to realise that it wasen't you. But I still held on."

"I am so sorry Az... I truly am."

"Thank you... For telling me." She took a step towards him, wanted to comfort him as he had done for so manny years. But Azriel shock his head ."I think it is better that you leave." Mor did as he said, and walked out. Fiding herself freed from the shame of keeping a secret, but a new shame had taken over, that she had kept him from his mate.

Mor almost smiled at that, all three of them had found a mate. Now she needed to talk to Eris, and figure out that last bit. That one bit that the bargain still held them too be quiet about. That they where mates, that she had rejected him in fear, and he had understood her will. 

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I just want to explain one thing. As far as we know, there is nothing that says that a Mating Bond must follow a person's sexual orientation. And in this one, Mor has rejected the bond. But I like the idea of what would happen if it was like this, if this is what Eris is talking about in Silver Flames... 

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/Mymymoon