I'll always sing for you

Chapter 11 Hold Me

Get up, get out, relight that spark. You know the rest by heart...

The nightmare was the worst I'd had in a while.

It started okay. In my dream, Cleif was there. We sat by the beach talking like we used to do. Just him and me. Ricky came up as if out if nowhere, introducing himself as my boyfriend. Dream me was estatic, especially when Cleif shook his hand and said, "this one, I like."

Everything went well. We talked. We laughed.

Then, the ocean waves began to crash around us, and suddenly, before my eyes, they sucked Cleif and Ricky under their depths. The scene changed, and I was in a car. Cleif was driving. He turned to look at me, blood pouring from open wounds all over his body, and his mouth, his face white as a sheet. "Lauren..." He gurgled through the pooling blood, and then, the car crashed, but I was no longer in it. I was watching, as if it was a movie. Watching as he vanished in a puff of smoke and fire.

The pain was unbearable, and I woke mid scream.

I yelled into the darkness of my room to whatever force lied out there, to bring back Cleif! I needed him. I couldn't live without him. I couldn't breath without him.

I sobbed uncontrollably for what felt like hours. I was thankful Aunt Marcy's room was located on the other side of the floor, and she wouldn't be able to hear me. At least, I hoped.

Those hopes were dashed when, I heard a rap on my bedroom door. It had to be early morning. Why was she awake?

Aunt Marcy entered, not flipping on the light, to my gatritude. She tiptoed through the room, and sat of the edge of my bed.

"Laur, are you okay?"

"Ho- how'd you he- hear me." I sniffled embarrassingly. Aunt Marcy sighed.

"I like the bathroom by your room better. The master doesn't have that spray thing .. Laur, do you want to talk about it?"

"I h- had a dream." I manged to get out, my tears finally slowing enough that my words were coherent She moved until she was next to me, wraping her arms over my shoulders. I allowed my body to mold into hers, feeling that the closeness helped more then I thought it would. It brought me back to those first six months of shock, and pain, my mom holding me just like this as we both sobbed unconsolably. I wondered how my mom was doing now. Wondered if she missed me. Wondered why I hadn't stopped to miss her yet. Now I did, but I had Aunt Marcy, at least.

"Lauren, I know it feels like this will never make sense, never be okay, but you need to remember you're strong. You're so brave, and beautiful, and loved. Cleif isn't gone, he's here." She patted my chest with her hand that draped over me.

"Still rooting for you."

The word that came to mind was "endless."

"He's endless." I hiccuped.

She nodded against my head, which was now pressed up under her chin.

"He is."

"Aunt Marcy?" I asked, my voice shaky with lingering emotion. "I don't play music anymore because it hurts to bad. I don't want to be a designer. I want to play, but I can't."

Aunt Marcy didn't budge, just sighed. "I kind of guessed that. I didn't want to pry, so I let it be, but I'm glad your told me, so I can tell you this; if he was in your place, he'd never stop playing! He wouldn't be able to! And you know what? He'd do it for you, just as much as if you were there. Laur, because like you said, he's endless, and so is your passion."

"I wish he was in my place..." I gave one bitter sob, and her arms wrapped around me even tighter.

"Don't say that." She said, shaking her head against mine. "You're here for a reason, okay? You're going to do amazing things, I just know it."