Canvas - Z.M

Chapter 39

"Don't judge someone from their past. Even if they've been through hell and back. It's those who's been through everything that end up being the wisest of all." -Me.

//

I don't think I've ever seen Zayn cry. Maybe once, but that was over someone who had passed away that was close to him.

But over me, no I didn't think that was possible in all honesty.

I may have doubted Zayns love for me at one point, but looking at him now trying to muster up his embarrasement by wiping his flushed cheeks and frowning at the ground, I may have to reconsider that thought.

I clear my throat as if it's finally time for him to talk or say something.

I've literally been standing here for the last three minutes in silence trying to comfort him, only having him reject it.

Gazing behind me into the small forest, I have to wonder if Liam is okay. He wasn't wearing a jacket, so he must be freezing. I wonder where he is.

I look back at Zayn who sighs after a second.

"So?" I frown skeptically.

"Do you want to leave?" His voice cracks a little and my heart twinges.

"Leave? What about Liam-"

"No." Zayn closes his eyes and frowns. "I meant  do you want to leave?" He pauses, eyes pleading. "Leave me." He adds.

I blinkat him. "What? No." I shake my head. "No, What?!"

"I've been difficult." Zayn murmurs sadly.

"Yeah you have." I admit.

""And I'm sorry."

I bite my lip and sigh. "Are you?"

"Lorena-"

"Zayn." I rase my hand to affectively stop him from continuing on about how he's going to change and be a better person, only making me bring my hopes up so high for them to fall on me ever harder.

"It's okay. Don't make any promises." I whisper.

Zayn looks down, lips pierced as his frown deepens. "I just wish everything was easier."

"I do too." I shiver as a light breeze brushes against my skin. "But you're not making it easy for yourself. Or us, I should say."

"I know."

I bite my lip and look down at my trembling hands. 

 "We're toxic together Zayn." i whisper quietly. "We have our ups but when we have our lows, it's too much."

Zayn looks up at me and I bite my lip as I struggle to turn away from him.

"How long will this good happen? Another two weeks until we come crashing down again. I don't want that to happen anymore-"

"It won't. We never really got to talk after my therapy session and it's fucked me up with all this guilt. I'm sorry. I hate talking about this."

"We have to talk about this. I'm done pushing things away."

Zayn sighs, ruffling his hair vigorously. "Okay, okay. What else is there to talk about?" He shrugs, obviously growing more and more uncomfortable as I strip his shell and expose his vulnerablity.

"Do you miss her?" I question.

He frowns. "What do you mean?"

"Candice, Zayn." I sigh tiredly. "Do you miss her?"