Out with the old

~~8

Y/n's POV

so how do I start now? Urghhh this is frustrating. This is lame having an IQ of 210 but can not even do something as simple as this, someone save me !! Suddenly Jordan broke the silence.

"That piano belonged to mom, she was a famous pianist. She passed away when I was 6. She was diagnosed with some stupid brain tumor. I liked seeing her playing that piano it just made me feel nice. Honestly speaking, I have no idea what I feel when she plays it, I mean all I feel is that I am comfortable. And you simply reminded me of her, Y/N. Just why do you play the piano?" 

" You know what. You probably are not going to believe me but I am not good at using words. Neither at speaking nor at comforting others. I just simply listen to them, that is all I do.  I honestly do not believe I am going to say this but I do not have friends at all. I dunno if it is because I suck at using words or because they do not like me. But hey that does not really matter because my very first friend was and has always been my piano. I told you that I taught myself, right? Well, I did not have a tutor or someone like that. I would just listen to a specific piece and I will play it on the piano. Over and over again until it is perfect no even better than the original. It is just my way of comforting myself and apparently those who hear my piece. I have no idea what you felt when I was playing the piano Jordan, but for some reason, I have this feeling that I made you upset by it. And for that I am sorry"

He was just silent starring at the pool in front of us. I seriously feel bad for him. I never saw my mother before. I do not even know her name. SO for me, I do not think I can relate to his loss. I mean he looks really broken.

"Jordan, by the way, how old are you ?"

"Huh? Uh-I am 17. Why tho?"

11 years of pain, huh...

"I am just asking .... Well, I am 18 I think it is fair enough to know since I know yours. Question tho. Did you tell anyone what you think about your mother? And the whole piano thing?"

"What? No-no does not tell anyone, please. I can not worry my father I can not be a burden to anyone. I do not want to cause trouble to anyone. Please. I am begging you "he said holding my shoulder strongly. Well if he applies more force, my shoulder would be gone for.

"Calm down. I am not going to speak a word of it. And this thing of being a burden and all this weird stuff ...Jordan you are no burden to anyone. Not to your father, your friends or even the butlers and the workers here. In fact, I think they are waiting for you to open up. I mean if it has been 11 years already and you did not speak a thing about your pain then there are two possibilities. Either that you did not really love your mother or that you are scared of being made fun of or being judged. Am I right?"

I don't know what's with the look on his face. it looks like he is somehow surprised.

"I do love my mother. But the more I think about her the more painful it is. And I am telling you this: If I ever get the chance to forget her, I would gladly take it. I am just saying this because I trust you and you promised not to judge"

I am speechless. Utterly speechless. Forget my mom? Judged? Painful? This kid is broken.

"I promise that you won't do it even if you get the chance to. I mean you loved her too much. You forgetting her is not going to be a chance because you love her, you adore her, admire her. I highly doubt that you are going to forget her."

"Of course you would say that! What do you even know about how I feel? Huh?! YOU DID NOT LOSE ANYTHING ."

he is right. I did not lose anything. but I lose myself each and every day. the loneliness I feel just keeps swallowing me up.

"You are indeed right. I do not feel your pain because I never know the feeling of having the love of a mother. I did not meet my mother. I do not even know her name nor how she looks like. But I do know my father. He tries his best to fill that hole in me. And I simply never want to burden him like you do Jordan. And I think I do understand a part of you."

Jordan's POV

Great! I keep fucking up. Well, at least I had a mother she does not even know hers. Stupid Jordan.

" I-I am sorry about that. I did not know." I said looking down. Guilt filling me up.

"Well, it is fine. You did not know. Plus I am not that hurt by it so there is no need to feel guilty about it. But you know what Jordan, I think you should stop this. I think you should accept yourself for who you really are. Please remember this: We are full of flaws, but we are not born to be perfect we are born to be real. So starting from now one speak yourself. If you can not talk to anyone, if you are scared of being a burden on anyone, then burden me. I will carry your burden. I want to hear your voice Jordan. Speak yourself. Lemme hear your voice. "

How can she not feel hurt about it? And most of all:

 What?! Burden you? Speak myself?  Born to be real, huh?  Why would someone want to hear my voice? A voice full of trouble and annoyance.

God, I better change the topic really fast. I do not want to cry again. Not in front of her. I will never forget it! I would be ashamed of myself for eternity!

Wait! she -She PLAYS BASKETBALL!

"Hey! Why don't we play basketball together, hmm?"

"Wh-Why all of a sudden? You were troubled and crying like minutes ago. What happened?"

Hmph... Her reaction is cute. Her cheeks are cute. Her hair seems soft. I wanna spend time with you Y/N. As long as I can. Just before you go and leave me.

"Let's just say, I feel a bit better now that I talked to someone" I smile a bit.

I saw her eyes sparkling. It is kinda hard to believe she is older than me. Well, she is a year older than me yet she smiles like a kid here. 

"What are we waiting for then? Let's go! Come on Jordan.  LET'S GET IT!"

She said holding my hand and running to who knows where she is planning to go.

But this feeling is so beautiful. I want to keep on feeling it forever. I just met her a few weeks ago but she does not distract me from myself she doesn't want me to change who I am and accept me for me... Y/N you are different. You are not like the others. God thank you for sending her to me.

This is the dumbest thing I will ever say in my life, but I think I 

LIKE YOU Y/n...

 I want you Y/n to fill my heart. 

Fill that void in me Y/n...

Supp guys I am back! I hope you like my story ladies and gentlemen!