We'll meet again-phan

5- Dans pov

"Dan!" My eyes shoot open at the sound of my name being called and I spin around seeing Phil's panicked state "Phil, Phil-" I tried hugging him but he was shaking violently and was still asleep, he must of thought I was trying to hurt him or something as he kept hitting me in his sleep "wake up!" That seemed to do the trick as he woke up all panicky and shaky, in a cold sweat and tears streaming down his face. He attacked me with a hug, crying into my shoulder "hey, hey. Breath, I'm here" he was struggling to breathe, I think this is the most panicked I've ever seen him it was actually kinda scary "look at me, Phil. I'm not going anywhere" his tears were like waterfalls, streaming down his face. He was shaking violently, keep his face covered in my chest. "Phil, Phil. Look at me, darling" he didn't, this panic attack was way worse than the ones I'm used to him having "breath, breath Phil. Your alright" I finally managed to get him to calm down and I rocked him shushing him "hey, hey it's ok. I'm here, your alright" I switched on the lamp and kissed his forehead, hugging him protectively "shhh, it's all ok" I wipe away his tears with my thumb and smile down at him who stayed silent "nightmare?" He nodded violently, trying to control his breathing "I'm not going anywhere, lion" I get up and take him to the kitchen, sitting him at the breakfast bar and getting him a drink. I sigh as I make the drink, this panic attack was way worse than anything I've seen and I'm sure it was a new experience for Phil too. I looked over my shoulder at Phil who was numbly staring at his hands, not crying just staring silently and numbly. How many panic attacks have I missed just from being away? I dread to find out. I sit across from him and hand him the warm drink smiling sadly at him. Phil stays silent, not drinking but staring in at his reflection in the milk. He was stoic and tense, I don't think I've ever seen him this way "hey, are you ok? That was pretty intense" he nodded, not looking up at me. It's like he's frozen in time or something, not moving an inch. How on earth can I go back when he's in this state? How can I fight a war knowing he's not ok? But if I don't go back, I'll be considered a traitor. It'd be considered a huge betrayal. He needs help but he won't admit it, nor do anything about it "hey, remember when we went skating and you couldn't even stand on the ice without slipping?" I laugh at the memory but he didn't, he's not even laughing? Oh god, he's not even smiling "Phil-"
"Don't!"

I was taken back by his sudden voice raise "don't! Don't you dare! How can you laugh and smile when there's a war going on and your in it?!" I was speechless, me and Phil fight yes, we have but he has never ever spoke to me like this. I could tell this was the panic talking, not really him and I tried to calm him down "h..how in gods name can I sing when I know your fighting in the war?! I...I...I didn't even know if you were alive!" I didn't know what to say, all I could do was stare at him "how can our daughter go to school everyday and be so filled with life when she knows your not here?!" I shoot up and loom over him "don't bring Jocie into this, Phil! She's got nothing to do with this, you have nothing to do with this!" Phil shot up too, standing his ground and staring into my eyes. Mine filled with anger and regret while his were filled with panic and sadness "it is all my fault! I let you go! A..after 3 months you'll be in that godforsaken war and I will have to just sit here and wait, praying to every god that your alive!" I stared at him, my eyebrows furrowed. Phil points to our front door "I..I will pray that you will come through that door but you won't! I will pray that you'll be here to watch our daughter grow up but you won't! I will have to live with the knowledge that I sent you to your death!" I walked around the breakfast bar and grab Phil's shoulders staring at him "goddamn it Phil, will you listen to yourself?! Do you have no faith in me?! Don't you have faith that I will come back alive?!" Phil forcefully pulled my hands off his shoulders and started walking back to the bedroom. I stared as he walked off, deciding to clean up and put the cup away. As I'm numbly cleaning up I hear a smash making my heart stop "Phil?" I put the cup down and cautiously go to the sound. I then see Phil lying in our hallway, a smashed vase next to him. He must of fainted and crashed into the vase. I ran over and held him in my arms "Phil?" I feel something wet and I remove my hand from the back of his head to see my hand covered in blood "Phil!" I shake him and see Jocie wake up "Joce! Call 999!" She wasted now time and ran to get the phone