Someone You Love •OffGun

THREE

Third

Off slowly opened his eyes and see a white room. He keeps on blinking his eyes, trying to adjust from the light.

He sigh as the thought of surviving again. He sometimes trying to ask himself why God is still save him from all of those times he tried to end it. Why does he need to be saved. Why does his attempts are always failing. Because no matter what happened, it's always the same.

He will wake up with the demon on his head. He will wake up tired and he will live the miserable life. All he want is to end the pain and he can not find any way other than that.

"You're awake" Off looked at Tay who came in. Off didn't respond. He was holding a basket of fruits. Tay was smiling but Off can clearly see the pain and worries in his eyes.

What makes Off hate himself more is that he doesn't feel sorry at all. Like all the pain made him numb, all those people who hurt him made his heart as hard as stone that he can't even feel sorry for hurting his best friend.

He hates himself for being selfish, doing something that could hurt his friends. But he can't help it. He can't help but to be selfish and just think on how to end the pain. He's been trying to find a way out but he couldn't and all he can see now to get out from darkness, to stop the pain is something that a lot of people wouldn't understand.

"Singto and Arm are worried about you" Tay spoke again but Off didn't respond. He was just looking at the ceiling.

Tay was hurting. He is. He wanted to scold his best friend. He wanted to stop him from hurting his self. He wanted to scold him but he knows. He know really well that Off is in more pain than he is. He is in pain more than anyone.

Tay just wanted to show him that life is still wonderful. If only he knew how to show him that there's still a lot of beautiful things in life, if only he knew how to make him feel better. But he doesn't know anything but to stay with him and not let him alone.

They are now silent. Off was again asking himself what was really the reason why we live. Still trying to find an answer and just disappoint himself when he still couldn't find an answer to that simple question.

"Does your leg hurt?" Tay softly asked making Off looks at his left leg that is severely injured. He doesn't even know he was injured by that accident. Off just shook his head before laying back.

He closed his eyes, trying to feel the pain on his injured leg but his heavy heart was the only thing he can feel.

Off was slowly being drowned by his thoughts again. The thoughts that wouldn't leave him.

Everything inside him is getting worse and worse and Off sometimes wanted to explode.

Do you understand how he feels? When your head and your heart is heavier than your body? When you wanted to cry but there's no tears in your eyes? Maybe because they are getting tired of crying. When you wanted to tell them what you feel but you can't find a perfect word to explain it. Because the word pain wasn't enough and at the same you're scared. Scared of how they react after hearing your pain. Scared of hearing the word 'it's okay' when you totally know it's not and it will never be okay.

When you're trying to move forward and do better but their words keeps pushing you further, making it harder to move, harder to fight.

Off looked at his best friend who's sleeping on the couch.

Off knows he never did something good with his friends. He only gave them a pain and worry. He said he doesn't want to be a burden to them but he think he already is. Just him, breathing is a burden.