Drag me Down (Flower Crown Series Two)

Drag Twenty Two

Back when I was young, I couldn't catch my breath properly like it was my death call. It's like I don't want to witness my sufferings. I don't want to die like this. Nakakasakit. Ayokong umabot ako sa ganito. It's frustrating.

My heart. My heart is constricting in pain. Hindi na ako makakahinga ng maayos kapag I excess my limits in doing activities. Ang dali ko lang mahingal pero hindi ko sinasabi kina Mommy noon. I don't want them to know about it.

But there's no secret be kept forever. Nalaman nila when I collapsed on that day. Sa mismong birthday ni Mommy. She cried and cried. Hindi niya tanggap na may failure sa heart ko.

Alam ko naman ito noon pa. I just noticed everyday. Minsan, ayoko nang lumabas sa room dahil ayokong mahalata ni Mommy and Daddy.

They are too precious for me. Ayokong mag-aalala sila.

Kaya ang ginawa ko, I work out everyday, eat a healthy foods, and drink enough of water. Ginawa ko ang sinabi ng Doctor. Naoperahan kasi ako noon because of what happened back then. Hindi kinaya ng heart ko ang sakit. One week akong nakahilata sa hospital bed after the operation.

Akala ko katapusan ko na. I thought it will be the end of me. Hindi pa pala. I am thankful and blessed.

And now, I need to improve myself somehow para hindi na babalik ulit 'yung sakit. But it feels like, hindi nagbago ang anyo ng puso ko. It feels like, hindi naman ako inoperahan. Pero 'yun ang sabi nina Mommy. My operation is successful. I have a heart donor before.

After that, I swear to myself na magiging healthy na ako. But nakakaakit 'yung mga gatherings. Umaattend ako kapag feel ko lang. But then, ayoko nang makita ako nina Mommy na weak because I can't afford to see them crying. Nasasaktan ako.

But then, bakit parang nagbalik ulit ang panahon na kinaiinis ko, ikinagagalit ko. Seeing them crying, gusto ko nang umalis sa harapan nila.

Just what the hell happened?!

"W-Why are you c-crying? Hindi ako m-mamamatay! Hindi naman ito m-malala right?! I c-can fight it!" I am about to burst my tears but I hold it back. Ayokong dagdagan ang luha nina Mommy. I feel pain inside my heart.

Mommy held my hand tightly. I stopped. Her hand, it's cold.

"You need to be stronger Ava. We're here for you. Nandito lang kami Ava. Just fight okay?" My tears fell on my cheek. Mommy hugged me tightly.

Napatingin ako kina Daddy. They were all crying silently. Si Kuya, his nose is red. Hindi ko makita 'yung tears niya. He glanced at me.

Napaiwas siya ng tingin at naglakad papalayo sa amin. My shoulders fell. My mind is still hazy to process. Hindi naman masama right?! Makakaya ko rin naman ito right?!

"M-Mommy? Am I dying?" I cried. Mommy suddenly cupped my cheeks. Her tears were flowing nonstop. I am crying right now.

"M-Mommy? Don't cry. Don't cry. Hindi ko naman hahayaang mawala ako-"

I stopped.

"We are going to US Avarina" Mommy stated. Napatigil ako.

"W-What?" naibulong ko nalang.

"They will treated you as soon as possible. Makakahanap tayo ng donor mo. I can't let you die! Aalis tayo!" her eyes were full of worry.

"M-Mom? What are you s-saying? 'Diba successful ang operation ko noon? They treated me here sa Philippines" nahihintakutang sabi ko.

Mommy stopped. Parang may sinabi siyang hindi ko dapat marinig. Daddy walked towards her and dahan-dahan siyang pinaupo sa gilid ko. I watched them. Kumakabog pa rin ang heart ko sa sinabi ni Mommy. Nagdududa na ako before, but I trust them. Akala ko ba, naoperahan ako?