Musings

5(a). Metamorphosis.

When she was with her friends, life seemed bearable. More than that, even. She loved them. She trusted them with everything. When she was with them, all the world was a happier place and everything seemed beautiful.

When she was with her friends, she was usually able to abandon all thoughts of distrust and live in the moment.

They laughed together. They cried together. They shared their insecurities too. She hoped that they were being honest, because that's just the way she was. Scared to trust. They always put her insecurities to rest. She felt safest with them.

Alessia's friends were few. They had the key to every lock in her persona. The downside of this was that even though they were few, her friends could, in actuality, bring her to her knees and ruin her. It scared her to be so dependent. But she was.

They loved her, she knew that, fairly certainly. But she was constantly worried that they would leave her. That she wouldn't be good enough to be a friend. That she's scare them away with her actual soul. But she was completely herself with them and she knew and accepted the consequences. These people had chosen to come into her life so they could leave if they truly wanted to. But she wouldn't let go of them completely. She'd always care. Even if they left her alone without a word. Just a little bit, but enough.

They were the best people on the planet, according to Alessia. They could handle her in any form. When she burned, they soothed her. When she shivered, they warmed her. They were her first priority. She loved them deeply.

As much as she loved her friends, she wished she could have treated them with a little wariness. The skeptic in her kept whispering to her - telling her she was a fool to set such store by any person other than herself, saying that she should be self sufficient.

Paranoia and Alessia were old friends. Or so Paranoia thought. Alessia hated her. She had too much control over Alessia.
The only time she pushed away her demons with resolve was for her friends. She dared to trust them. She dared to care. She dared to demand appreciation and acceptance.

The universe rewards the brave. Alessia had one place she could go to at anytime for anything. Or so she felt. Usually.