Musings

12. Disillusionment.

So maybe she had overthought this a teensy little bit.
Maybe this wasn't exactly the way things were supposed to play out.

After a lot of persuasion, (her friends had to yell) she had gone and done the unthinkable like a loon.

She was seriously regretting it now.

"There goes another friendship.", she sighed, sitting alone in the balcony.

She had been an absolute idiot.
And she realized only now.

She had told Aaron she had feelings for him.
And he'd been an ass. Or she still lived in denial.

She laughed.

Quite frankly, she'd expected as much.

The first thing he'd said was that he didn't want anything to do with a relationship for at least the next 3 years.

She wasn't even talking about a relationship.

At that moment she knew that it was hardly plausible that he cared as much as she did then, if he even did.

If you cared for a person you let them see you for what you are and let them see your feelings.
You made your thoughts known and you weren't afraid of them, because you knew that you knew them.

But a woman could hope.

Seemingly out of nowhere, the words flew out of her mouth before she could stop them;
"But do you? Do you reciprocate?"

He looked stunned.

He thought for a while.
And he said,
"No. Not in that way. I'm sorry. I mean you're a great friend and all, but no."

She nodded.

Obviously. What was she even thinking? But she needed to hear that - for herself to let go.

Or so she thought.

And then he looked like he was blushing or something, but she didn't trust her judgment, so she left it alone.

And then he walked off.

And then she laughed.

"I seriously am psychotic.", she said to herself in the balcony.

And then she laughed some more.

Reality and Nature were together again, though.
So she wasn't really affected as much.

They said,
"Maybe wait a while? See what he does. don't write him off just yet."

They smiled at each other.

She smirked-"At least some part of me is happy."

She trusted them more when they agreed, so she thought she'd wait a while

~ ~ ~

Months passed.

Somehow, he hadn't stopped talking to her after her confession, like he'd done with some other girls who'd gone the same way as she had.

They had grown closer.

He hadn't forgotten about her confession, but he seemed very comfortable around her.

Her feelings grew deeper.

She was frustrated.
For hoping.
For caring.
For trusting.

Because even if he did care, he didn't want to. And that made all the difference.

He seemed to care.
But then he didn't.
They spoke.
And then he ignored her for days.

But then, they weren't anything to begin with.
She hadn't had any claim anyways.
She realized, that she'd probably imagined the whole thing.

She'd gotten carried away.

She'd hoped too much.
She'd cared too much.
And she'd been an idiot.

It all seemed so foolish now. Now that she realized:
Aaron only saw her as a friend who'd brought him out of his shell.
Aaron only spoke to her because they were friends.

He didn't care. Not in the way she wanted him to.

Aaron wasn't the one for her.

Knowing something and accepting something are entirely different concepts, as Alessia kept learning.

And hope was a treacherous thing.

~ ~ ~

She was just a little sad again.
So she let herself cry a little that night.

Reality comforted.
Nature gave her strength.

The universe rewards the brave;
With happiness or
With a lesson.

__________________________________________________

Only two more chapters. 

*evil smile*

Just saying.