Unconditionally (Lesbian Story)

16

As quickly as the switch flipped is flips back as she pants out her release. I’m on my feet stepping away from her in an instant. Trying to marry up the image in front of me and what we just shared with the feelings of guilt I have. I mean she was there with me through it all and if the death grip she had on my hair making sure I didn’t move was anything to go by she was enjoying it but as I run my eyes over her I know where the taste of blood came from as her bottom lip is still bleeding a little and I can see bite marks on her thighs.
“Lex whatever you’re thinking stop.”
She slips to her feet in front of me but I just back away some more. I can’t take my eyes from her lip. She follows my eyes with her fingers and winces a little as they touch the abused area. “I didn’t even notice.” She smiles reassuringly at me. “In case you hadn’t noticed I was far too busy enjoying the ride. I want to tell her all the things that are in my head. I’m sorry I hurt her in the slightest that I’m disgusted in my self for what happened that I don’t deserve to be looked at the way she’s looking at me right now but nothing is coming out I think I might be broken. “Say something you’re scaring me!”
She steps closer to me moving faster than I do and stops me from stepping away from her this time. Wrapping one arm around my waist she cups my cheek stroking her thumb back and forth. She kisses me gently with none of the passion we just shared this is for me a affirmation of her love for me.
“I hurt you.” I finally manage as I kiss her bottom lip.
She smiles in relief. “I’m not complaining.” She pulls me closer. “Did it scare you?”
“I was so angry with you then we were making love that’s never happened to me before.”
“You are always so gentle with me and I love that I love the way you make sure that I’m okay. I’m not going to lie though it was so fucking hot to see you like that. I’m sore and I like it.”
“It scares me that I wasn’t in control.”
She smirks and pecks my lips quickly. “I didn’t know you were such a control freak babe.”
I have to smile despite myself and relax just a little. Sensing an opening she places another kiss on my lips before my cheek and then my neck. “Loosing control when we make love isn’t a bad thing nor is a little pain.” Just to prove her point she sucks on the junta of my neck and then bites.
“Fuck!” I hiss gripping her tightly. I can feel her triumphant smile against my skin as she nips and kisses my neck.
“I am going to assume that you didn’t mind that.” The hand that was on my waist works around to my stomach and pops the button on my jeans. Right now I really regret showering and changing before I came to find her she would have a much easier time slipping her hand into my pants if I was still wearing the shorts I sleep in. “Now please let me take you up stairs so I can properly repay just how amazing you made me feel.” She kisses the spot just below my ear before whispering, “I’ve never come that hard.”
°°°°°
“So did you two actually talk at all or was it all sex?” Jane asks and Billy pales a little I don’t think he wants to think about Katy and myself having sex but he’s trapped on this plane with us so he has to listen to our conversation like it or not. To tell the truth I’m not sure I want to have this conversation right now.
“We talked a little but I don’t think we actually got anywhere.”
“Oh I don’t know it sounded like you got a lot done.” She smirks but it drops when I don’t smile back. “OK I’ll bite what happened?”
“I don’t know what’s going to happen next Jane. I love her you know that I don’t think I’ve ever known it was possible to love someone this much.”
“Scary isn’t it. You didn’t feel like this about Lewis and you thought that was as good as it got and now you’re doing all sorts of crazy things that are out of your comfort zone.”
I just nod defeated.
“It’s okay honestly,” she smiles reassuringly leaning over to cup my cheeks. “This is how the rest of us feel when we’re falling in love baby girl. It’s scary as hell and you don’t know which way is up sometimes. I can assure you Katy is right there with you.” She wipes at my cheeks as the tears start to fall. “It’s going to be okay, as long as you two stick together and talk to each other it can’t be OK if you’re not honest.”
“What if honesty means we don’t agree?”
“You don’t have to agree you just both have to be able to live with the decision that you make. When you or Lewis would cave to save an argument that wasn’t always healthy, fighting all the time wouldn’t be either but difference of opinions are allowed.”
I place my hands over hers and squeeze my thanks as ever she has cut straight to the heart of the problem and given me something to think about. I slip back into my seat to digest all she has just said. Maybe I do hold back sometimes with Katy but only because I love her so much and I want us to be happy. It’s like I told her though I lost myself once trying to make other people happy so maybe I should take my own advice.
I can feel Jane watching me I know she’s worried about me right now but I’m glad we spoke about this. I feel better I know I need to talk to Katy as soon as I get the chance.
That turns out to be easier said than done as my day job swallows me almost the moment I land. We’re coming to the end of the additions and it’s all hands on deck as we get ready for boot camp and then judges houses.
We’ve texted and had a few quick conversations but nothing major and I’m getting agitated about it. Even more agitated at the moment Katy hasn’t answered my calls or texts at all today and I’ve gotten minimal answers from Shannon and Mia.
I want to just screw all of this and get on a plane and go see her. I can’t think about anything other than the fact that I love her and we need to be okay. I know Simon would have me killed for even thinking about it though so all I can do is sit and do my job.
It doesn’t take long though to work out why there has been radio silence on Katy’s part though. As I get ‘that’ phone call. Anyone who lives their life through a lens knows that if you’re going to keep from going insane at some point you have to stop reading things about yourself. Newspaper, magazines and the Internet aren’t your friends. Don’t get me wrong I have a PR team and give my fair share of interviews it’s the things they make up in the between times or the 100x zoom lenses you know are there even when you can’t see them that sell though. The call I get is the one when there is a story that can’t come as a surprise when you’re asked about it.
“I’m faxing you a photo.” Sandy one of my PA’s tells me so I know that what ever it is I’m not going to like. I know it’s not going to be me unless me eating sushi from the amazing place just around the corner from Simon’s office is suddenly big news that’s the most exciting thing I’ve done in the four days I’ve been back in the UK.
I sit patiently as the picture starts to emerge from the machine agonisingly slowly a  centimetre at a time. As I finally make out what is taking shape on the sheet manifesting in front of me I instantly wish it could be unseen.