Distanced

Part 9: In Which Helen Finds Things Out

The Dam is full of chatter this Monday morning.

The weekend for me was less about relaxing and more about beginning to look for things I need for the baby.

Now I know that typically women have baby showers where they receive all or most of what they need- but I don't really think that's how it should be.

The baby is my responsibility- so why should other pay for the things he requires.

He.

I have to get used to thinking about the baby as a boy.

I have to say, I always imagined myself with a little girl.

NOT THAT I'M NOT BLESSED HE'S A BOY!!

I'm blessed to be having a boy.

I love my little boy.

I know he'll probably be a challenge, and his outfits won't be as cute and fun as girls will be- and then there's the whole 'my favorite toy is my penis' thing that a few of my friends with boys have said happens.

Apparently- and I didn't know this- and I should have known this because I'm a doctor- but baby boys can get erections too.

I was thrown when they told me that!

I mean- it makes sense- biologically speaking, but my son can get erections when I change his diaper and I don't know if I'm prepared for that.

And then there's the peeing at you for fun.

Lord help me- a boy sounds hard and complicated.

BUT regardless of the hard biological things- I will be so happy when he arrives and I get to see him grow and learn and play.

As I make my way to the elevator, I am about to press the button when I hear the oddest conversation.

"Yeah!"

"You're kidding me! Seriously?!"

"I don't think he's coming back." A nurse says to a janitor.

"How did you find all this out?"

"I overheard Karen Brantley saying that the Dam was going to have to make some changes and a new Medical Director was gonna need to be hired."

"No! I love Dr. Goodwin- he makes sure that the janitors have all they need. Did you know that he brings us our own special donuts of Friday's because no one else in the building thinks of us." The janitor says and the nurse becomes just as upset.

"I know! Every other week- for the nurses- he buys us lunch, now it's nothing grand, but when I've worked all week and all my money goes to bills and shit- that free lunch is really appreciated."

I turn and look at the elevator and someone else pushes the button for me.

Max isn't coming back?

But...

But he can't...

He can't just leave.

The Dam needs him.

I...I need him.

"Dr. Sharpe? Are you getting on?" A doctor from Radiology asks me I have to pull my attention back to what's going on.

"Yes." I get on and press five. There are two other people in the box besides us and they too have something to say.

"Yeah, I seen it all Friday." One of my nurses says and a Pediatric nurse widens her eyes.