Crush

(17)

Cleaning her eyes and changing into a different dress. A black short dress, there is no need for everyone to know her suffering. What happened between her and Lexa left her feeling empty inside.

She walks down stairs with a fake smile, joining the party outside. Everything goes well. Not once has Lexa walked up to Clarke, Madi is stuck on her side, introducing her to her friends and all that fun stuff.

Clarke felt like an actress, being able to fool all these people. Maybe she should consider that. However she did find something else strange. Raven and Lexa kept talking in hidden corners and if they caught her looking, they would both change the scene as if she was listening on them.

"Are you okay?" Abby asked. She forgot, her mother is one person Clarke can't fool.

"Nothing mom." She said waving to her last guest to leave....well her friends, Lexa and her mom.

"Is that what you call sex between the two of you now." They head inside the house, she needs to go give Madi a bath and she hopes to talk to Lexa about what is happening and how does her mom know this. "Don't look at me like that I was not spying, but you were loud just to be clear. She must be good if you can scream like you were been murdered."

"Mom? who else heard?" This was embarrassing.

"How would i know, Raven had to increase the volume and then came knocking." Abby pulls her daughter to the side. "You don't look like someone who got it good, tell me did she do something?"

"Mom..."

"Mommy, mommy going with mama." She grabbed Clarke's leg. Clarke was thankful for the destruction, she picked Madi up and carried her upstairs. Lexa following her behind, keeping a safe distance. They made it to the bathroom, Madi rushed out immediately and when Clarke turned Lexa stood in her way.

"Can we talk"

Clarke walked to the toilet, closed the lid and sat on it.

"I will be with Madi for a week." Lexa continued. That was also not what Clarke was expecting to hear. So Lexa was going to pretend nothing happened between them, that she didn't act like a dick. No Clarke was not going to standby like a Dear.

"That's all you had to say?" Mostly Lexa only takes the girl for three days tops. That was not it though.

"Ah, I want her to get to know me on a deeper level. Maybe one of these days I'll take her for a month." Didn't she have school? She'd imagine she reads during her holidays to.

"I'm not talking about that. Lexa we had sex." The brunette looked aside rolling her eyes.

"Meaning?" She was looking at her but not really looking.

"Wow! Lexa?" She sighs frustration. "Are we broken up?"

"I didn't break up with you, do you want to break up?" The girl took a step forward pulling Clarke to stand. "Is that what you want?"

"No, I just thought...Lexa you left me after having sex, like I'm some whore."

"you're the one who went to the bathroom without a word. " she defended.

"You know what I mean." She could tell that Lexa was not going to talk about this. The best thing is bring this up next time and enjoy her girlfriend. Girlfriend? There is a lot they should talk about but for now, fuck that. "Lexa I miss you, and I want to know if you still feel the same way."

"I'm here aren't I?" Kissing her forehead. "Now help me with Madi. Please" without a smile. It was then that Clarke realized, Lexa hadn't really smiled at her expert when she's with Madi.

Would there relationship ever be the same? She wondered.

***

It was 9pm when Clarke got a call from Lexa. A smile spread through her face until she remembered that the call could only be about Madi.

"Hello Lexa?"

"Can you come here?"

"Is there something wrong? Is madi not feeling well?"

"Clearly. She wants her mom."

"Lexa, you're her mom too. Is it that serious?"

"Biologically. Can you get here or not!"

"Okay.."

The entire conversation was dry and crusty.

***

The door swung open to Lexa in basketball shorts and a sports bra. Black ink covered the girl's arm. Her hair was in a messy bun, more ink covered her neck. When did she get tattoos?

"She's in her room, crying like crazy."

The house looks more furnished than she recalls. They make their way up and she can hear Madi crying. Her daughter was stubborn, Abby used to compare her with Clarke.

"Mommy?" Madi called when Clarke entered the room. "Home Mommy."

"This is home too baby." Picking her up from the floor.

"I'll be in the kitchen." Lexa turned on her toe and left. Poor girl was struggling at motherhood.

***

"Sooo, she fell asleep." Joining the girl in the kitchen, who seemed to be working on something. Maybe a holiday assignment for school. Lexa closes the laptop when Clarke stands beside her. "School??"

"Thank you Clarke...I think she does not like me that much."

The dodging of question didn't go unnoticed by Clarke.

"What? No She loves you. I may just have spoiled her a little. Between parents there is always one who is strict. You happen to be that parent. What happened?" She asks sitting on her lap and happy that Lexa let her do it.

"I was working on something and she came in the room touching everything that I told her not to, then she spelt her juice on one of my stuff and I lost it, I was angry and frustrated. That's when I yelled at her to stop. I'm a bad mom I know."

"No stop saying that. No one is perfect at being a parent."

"Easy for you to say, you just came in here and calmed her ass down. Sorry for the word."

Lexa was truly a different person than she used to to know. This Lexa was more confident and can one person be any more rude. And the tattoos? She noticed her back is inked with cycles? And they looked sexy on her.

"Listen, my mom is strict, i would ran to dad for help when i was wrong or when i wanted something which i knew mom would not approve. The point is kids can be frustrating and they sometimes need scolding, Madi needs that."

"Um..thank you"

"Enough of that when did you get these?" Brushing her fingers over the ink.

Lexa just shrugs and starts to get up. "I need to smoke."

What??

"Did you always used to smoke?" Clarke can't hide the shock.

"Hope that's not a turn off."

A question with a question. They are far from being back to normal or maybe this is there new normal.

"Is that a yes?"

"I smoke sometimes. And to your question, yes i used to smoke since i was seventeen. I'm surprised you didn't notice because I literally walked around with a lighter." with a smile, the first ever smile to be directed towards Clarke. "Its late. Spend the night maybe you can help me out with Madi in the morning, this is the first time i'm not using her nanny to solve my problems."

"Smooth, using Madi to get to me."

"I never needed any help when it comes to you."