Business or pleasure...

Part title

I didn't get any sleep last night, my eyes drooped loads but I couldn't get any proper sleep. I just cried and cried until I was all dried out of tears. Tom fell asleep but was sure to keep hold of me the whole night. I sit and watch the sun deep through the curtains, I hear Tom start to wake up but I remain silent. After last night we called the hospital to take her, her body should be released soon they just have to do an autopsy. The police have been round, trying to figure out if it was suicide but I know it was, she just wasn't happy anymore.
Noah's been informed and so's everyone else, not that we have anymore family it was just dad and then mums close friends.

"Baby, Noah's coming over later to see you. Are you ok with that?" Tom places his hand in mine before kissing my forehead.
"Mmm sure ok" I lie onto the bed and stare up at the ceiling.
"I'm going to go make a smoothie, I'll make you one too yeah" I can't even bare the thought of eating but I suppose if I drink it slowly it'll be fine.
"Sounds great, I'm gonna stay here" I should probably shower and get dressed but I can't for some reason.
Tom leaves the room and abandons me to drown in my thoughts. I hear my phone bowing up next to me so I take a glance, all sympathy texts whatever.
A few minutes later I hear a knock at the door and my brothers voice talking to Tom. He calls me to come downstairs, I look in the mirror. My hair is matted and knotty, I still have last nights clothes on and I mostly likely smell from the lack of showering but I don't care.

"Brooke, come here" he pulls me into his body hugging me, I start crying into his chest as he holds me. I look up and take in his appearance his hair is messy, his usual bright eyes are now dull on top of black bags.
"Let's go inside b, it's a bit cold out here" we walk inside and Tom brings through two mugs of tea. He goes to hand me one but I can't take it, the last thing we did before I found mum was make a tea. So for some reason I can't possibly drink it the same way.
"I can't Tom, can I just have the smoothie please" he seems to catch on what I mean before bringing me the cold drink through and sitting next to us.
"Before we start talking I'm just gonna pop to the loo" Noah stands up and leaves the room, leaving just Tom and I alone together. I stand up before moving to sit next to Tom snuggling into him.
"You ok baby? Need anything?" He looks down at me wondering.
"Just cuddles Tom, that's all I need right now. I know I haven't been the best wife I'm sorry" my voice breaks at the last part as tears well in my eyes.
"Of course, just know I'm here whenever you need me yeah. I love you bub" it's just those simple four words that make me feel so much better and reassured.
"I love you to Tommy" our moment was ruined by Noah running down the stairs holding a piece of paper.
"Brooke did you know there was a letter on the bathroom floor with your name on it?" Huh what the fuck.
"No pass it here, I'll open it" he passes me the envelope and I start reading it.

Dear Brooke and Noah,
By the time you're reading this I'll be gone. I just wanted you to know why I did it, since your father cheated on me my life hasn't been the same. My depression led me to lose my job from always being late or not going on, after that I became isolated and lonely. The only time I saw people was when you and Tom or Noah came over. I don't want you to blame yourselves for this, seeing you regularly was the highlight but no one was able to pull me out of the hole I was already in. Although I'm not physically here anymore I just need you two to know that I will always be here watching over you two and watch you grow up even more. I love you both so much, Brooke tell Tom I love him too and Noah whenever you finally decide to settle down make sure to treat her well and don't do anything stupid.
Lots of love mum xxx

I place the letter down with shaky hands and look up to Noah, wanting to know what he has to say. This letter means my mum did commit suicide and it wasn't some unfortunate accident, it breaks me knowing we could do nothing to save her.
I silently leave the room before walking into the bathroom and locking the door. Why does this happen to me, everyone I love leaves me.
I hear Tom and Noah talk about something but I chose not to listen in, instead I sit on the floor and stare into space.
I have work tomorrow, Millie offered to let me stay home a few more days but I need to get a distraction.

After about an hour of me just sat on the bathroom floor I unlock the door and walk into our bedroom. Noah I'm guessing has left as there's no sign of him, I slip on one of toms T-shirt's before tying my hair up in a messy bun and lying next to Tom.
He pulls his arm round me and I lay my head on his chest.
"I have a surprise for you tomorrow after work ok, so make sure your back on time". I look up to Tom shocked.
"Surprise, can I have any clues?".
"Nope just be back from work on time, just a little something to help us".
I turn out the light before gradually falling asleep for what seems like forever...