A Journey Past Our Solar System is mostly confessional poetry of my life in the few last years, structures of a dysfunctional family, in the middle of dealing with mental illness. A tragedy in the making of my brain turning into coal, ready to burn...
I've been a people pleaser for years. And if you of all people, just expect anything. I have too much chaos in my brain that you partially created.
You created this monster, and when you realised you ran? Is that why? Yet you expect me to run to you? I don't care that your family. It's never felt like that.
I've always felt like me and my siblings were a chore whilst you had your hip replacement. Do you fear it's too late? Is that why I don't hear from you. I could hear from you as I'm sure you want to be in this life, I call a mess.
Yet it's too late for me. I've cried enough tears as a child Wondering mummy mummy where's daddy? He wasn't there because he was an aggressive dick. My mother didn't have the heart to say that to me, but I catched on after all the stories I heard.
See when you're a child you don't see your parents as this bad guy. At the age of six I didn't know domestic violence was a thing, I assumed it was a normal interaction. Well I mean I was six. I just wanted to be nurtured. I wondered why I got yelled at. For no actual reason? There was something he wanted. I only remember the day my mother left. That's a memory enough of him.
Chaos.
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