A/N- Hey, big tw for this one. It's short, but it's dark. Sexual assault and panic attacks are both very prevalent as well as powerlessness. Please don't read anything that you're not comfortable with and remember to take care of yourself.
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1945
Day 795
That's not true
That's not fucking true
That's...
It's not...
My head hurts...
I
I think I'm going to
to...
...rest...
...
Day 796
"Good morning, darling." The darkness says to me.
I know I am in shreds, but I can't remember why.
The air...the air is always so cold. But I'm not? The warmth of another body pressed up against my back is such a strong contrast that I feel my mind being pulled awake, even if the rest of my body is still near unconscious. Gentle arms cradle my aching chest so tenderly that there's only one person that this could be.
"Bucky." I whisper tiredly as I snuggle into him.
He chuckles. An amused, condescending chuckle. It's so unnatural that I feel myself tense.
"Guess again, my love." He whispers into my ear.
A warm rush of adrenaline floods my body as I realize who's arms hold me, and yesterday's events rush in.
I feel so weak, but even still I manage to push the word "no" uselessly through my lips as I desperately try to push him off of me. In retaliation he grabs my wrists, pinning them above my head and straddling my hips, kneeling so that he hovers above me. Bruised from the cord, I cry out in pain at his inhumanly tight grip.
"What do you mean, my love?" He growls through clenched teeth.
"You're hurting me." I choke out, his face blurring as tears collect in my eyes.
"HE HURT YOU FIRST!" He shouts in my face.
I don't believe you.
"How are you holding so tight?" I say through a whimper. "Please let me go."
He laughs.
"Oh, you thought you were so special didn't you?" An unhinged smile. "Super soldiers are a dime a dozen nowadays, doll."
What?
"That is what he called you, isn't it?" His eyes widen as he pretends the legitimacy of his rhetorical question. "Don't answer. I know it is. You babble puppy love nonsense unrelentingly as you sleep, and I hear it all. I know everything. All the stupid 'They can't hurt you anymore'? Did he save you love? Did he? Come now, I want to hear you say it."
Panic swallows me. I can't breathe. I choke on my own tears.
Why is this happening?
"SAY IT."
He strikes my face.
I force my hiccups for air into submission long enough to appease him.
"No." I say as my voice cracks on the single word.
"No, what?"
"No. He didn't save me."
My sobs return.
He tried
He tried so hard
"That's right." He grins. In this victory he slackens his grip on my wrists. I don't know why, or if it was even intentional. I don't wait for him to tell me.
I rip my hands down towards my chest and latch them onto his face, my nails sinking into his cheeks and my thumbs into his eyes. He screams in pain as he rolls onto the floor. I jump, though jump is a strong word, over him as he curses viciously.
"YOU BITCH!"
I ignore him, frantically rattling the locked door knob.
"I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!" He screams, grabbing my hair and throwing me backward onto the bed we shared. One hand squeezes my windpipe as he positions himself over me. He rips the neckline of the shirt they've dressed me in, a tear in the coarse fabric forming.
It forces me to find my voice.
"Please stop!" I beg breathlessly. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"
The door opens.
"That's enough, soldier." A gruff voice says.
He hesitates, but his hand slackens, and I choke on fresh air. He climbs off of me as I roll gasping and shaking onto my stomach. As if it wasn't hard enough to breathe already, I begin to sob harder out of relief and fear. Hiccups and tears swallow my breath, and I can't even think. My mind is so loud. I feel? I don't know. I- I can't, I-
There's too much, I just-
Hold on
Wait, NO
"Stop, stop, let me go!" My pleading slurs together as rough hands seize my arms and drag me flailing out the door, down the hall, and through another door with the word "медицинский" printed on it.
The door swings open and a hoard of lab coats swivel their heads to meet me. The room is a sea of white, blurred figures hurriedly moving around something in the center of the room.
"Оно готово?" (Оnо gotov?/ is it ready?) One of my handlers asks.
The nearest man turns, grins, and says;
"Да." (Da./ Yes.)
YOU ARE READING
Edelweiss || Bucky x Reader
Fanfiction"A gift." One guard says to someone else in the room as he leaves. I groan in pain and scrunch myself into a ball, squeezing my eyes shut. Seconds later I hear shuffling and then someone is beside me. "Y/N?" Asks a voice. No- Bucky's voice. My whol...
