Edelweiss || Bucky x Reader

Chapter Twenty

The evening turns to night, and only when 2:30 rolls around do we all head back to camp.

Bucky and I stand in front of my tent, both uneasy to let each other go.

"I really should get to bed." I say, still refusing to let go of his embrace.

"I know, it's just...I don't want to leave you." He says stroking my hair, his chin resting atop my head.

"We're safe, Buck. We're the safest we could possibly be." I try to reassure him, as well as myself.

"One last goodnight kiss, then?" He asks.

"Always." I smile, pressing a delicate kiss to his lips.

"I love you." He says softly, leaning his forehead on mine. I kiss him again. 

"I love you too."

...

"No more," I beg, face wet with desperate tears. "Kill me."

Distorted cackling voices mock me from all around.

Merciless hands grip my arms so tight I feel my bones might shatter as they strap me down to the operating table.

Then the doctor is above me. His face shifts from Schmidt to Zola to the soldier, but the syringe in his hand never changes.

"STOP IT! STOP! GET AWAY!" I scream, the hands holding my broken body to the table while I thrash around are unyielding. Every movement feels like being torn in half.

He grabs my arm.

"KILL ME!"

"Y/N, Y/N it's me, it's Bucky!"

I shoot up. The hands, room, and doctor are gone. The air is cold and crisp, attacking my sweat-soaked skin. I'm in my cot again. But I can't stop shaking.

Bucky kneels on the floor beside me, gripping my shoulders, holding me at arm's length. He stares at me with terrified eyes, waiting for me to recognize him.

"Bucky?" I whisper, trying to slow my breathing.

"Yes, darling, I'm here." He says quietly, sitting with me and holding me tight to his chest. His voice carries so much pain and regret.

He feels responsible.

"I thought- I thought-" I choke out.

"I know. I know, sweetheart. It's all over now. You're safe. They can't hurt you anymore." He promises.

I don't know what to think.

I was there.

He was there.

They all were.

Every man who had abused me, toyed with me, treated my body like a plaything.

I saw them all, as clearly as I had just 48 hours ago.

"What time is it?" I ask, trying to distract myself.

"Maybe an hour since we said goodnight?" He guesses. "But let's not worry about that right now. Just take a deep breath with me, ok?"

"Don't leave." I whisper, shivering against him. My breath is a white puff disappearing in frosty wisps over his shoulder.

"I wouldn't dream of it." He says, letting me go so he can see my face. He smiles, the way you do when you don't know what to say. 

He wants to apologize. I know he does. But god I really hope he doesn't.

I move over to make room for him on the cot and he lies down next to me.

"It's not your fault." I say a few minutes later, my head resting on his chest.

"Yeah, it is." He says blankly. His mind is made up.

"I don't blame you, Buck," I say, blinking back tears. "Please don't blame yourself."

We both lay in deafening silence while he processes my words.

"I love you so much." He says softly, and I can only imagine the thoughts going through his mind.

"I love you too." I say for the second time that night, slipping into a thankfully dreamless sleep.

...

"Y/N?" Says a muffled voice.

I groan and shut my eyes tight.

I'm so tired...

"Shhh." I hush, barely conscious.

"Y/N, darling. You've got to wake up." The voice chuckles.

With a considerable effort I lift my head a few inches, squinting at my surroundings, only to be blinded by the sun.

"No." Comes my sleepy voice as I lay my head back down on the hard and uneven surface I slept on.

"No? Have it your way." Says the voice.

Without warning, someone starts to violently tickle me in all the spots that get me the worst. I squirm and try to push them away but there's no escape.

"I'm up, I'm up!" I manage to say in between my uncontrollable laughter. "Cut it out!"

Bucky stops his attack and sits up, wrapping his bare arms around me from behind and kissing me on my jaw just below my ear.

"Good morning, doll face." He says, grinning against my skin.

"Morning, Buck." I say, not fully awake.

"How're you feeling?" He asks tenderly.

"I'm..."

About to lie to you.

"I'm alright." I nod, though he doesn't look convinced.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." I say with more conviction.

We both fall silent as someone's heavy footsteps stop right in front of my tent

"If the two of you are in there so help me god..." comes my brother's voice from outside.

My blood runs cold. I toss Bucky his shirt and he throws it on in a panic.

"Get off, get off!" I hiss, shoving him onto the floor.

Steve walks in and we both freeze where we are. He raises his eyebrows, looking from Bucky to me and back to Bucky, wordlessly demanding an explanation.

"I had a nightmare." I say quickly.

"A bad one." Bucky adds, nodding.

"Is that right?" Steve asks skeptically.

"Are we in trouble?" Bucky asks.

"No, I covered for you." He crosses his arms. "Though I probably shouldn't have, by the looks of it."

"Steve..." I say, knowing I'm going to have to explain this later.

"Not now, Y/N. We've got work to do." He looks at Bucky. "Oh, and pal?"

"Yeah?"

"Your shirt's inside out."