Heartbeats In Shadow - Kaz Brekker

the fold part 1

Kaz and I finally found a place to buy a goat, and Kaz let me pick which one. I got the youngest one we could find, figuring it would way the least for our passage through the fold. Kaz paid for it, and we set off to go find Inej and Jesper, with me carrying the goat. I had to admit, I was in love with the adorable small creature.

Kaz and I had been making small talk the whole time we were walking, but he hadn't brought up my incident in the inn or asked anything about my past, which I was grateful for. He was more than welcome to answers after everything he has done for me, but I was glad I didn't have to talk about home.

"Kaz, thank you for calming me down before. I wasn't thinking straight." He looked at me and gave one of his versions of a smile, which was really like a smirk.

"Of course, Vik. I can't have one of my investments giving up our location, can I?" His comment really stung, but I put on a smile and shook my head no.

After walking for while longer, we came upon what looked to be a rally. When we walked closer, we heard one of the generals giving a speech about why West Ravka should be an independent state. I was getting progressively angrier and angrier as the conversation continued, having very strong opinions that once the fold was destroyed, Ravka would unite once again and become a force to be reckoned with.

While I was listening to the general, Kaz's eyes were raking the surrounding crowd, and I noriced him focus on something. I tried to see what it was, but they walked into a tent before I had the chance. We turned around, and noticed Inej scanning the list of people who have been lost to the fold. Kaz began to walk to her, and I followed reluctantly.

He stepped onto the platform, but I refused to. I look at the names, and feel a horrible sense of failure in myself as I realize I could have prevented all these deaths if I could have tried harder. I tear up, and listen in on Kaz and Inej's conversation.
Inej looked in my direction and said, "He's adorable." referring to the goat. I smiled, trying to conceal my tears.

"Don't get attached." Kaz warned both of us. "I didn't think I'd have to specify no detours to you."

"Even if just a few minutes could end a lifetime of questions?"

"Your parents are Suli, Inej. They don't cross the fold, they go around."

"I know." Inej said quietly. "I just thought..." she paused. "If I saw their names on there, I could let the idea of them go." She pulled out the necklace she alwyas wore concealed under her clothes.

"This thing? This was all that I had when I was sold to the Menagerie. And if it was worth anything, Heleen would have taken it. But this is just a simple token of faith that my mother stitched." She looked pained, but she continued talking, trying to make Kaz understand.

"Kaz, this is all I have left of them. Unless-" Kaz cut her off.

"Hope is dangerous. It clouds your judgement." Inej tucked it back into her clothes, and looked at Kaz semi-angrily.

"Pray, scream, do whatever you have to do to push this out of your mind and move on. We all have debts to pay." With that, Kaz began to walk away. I followed, wanting to get as far away from the wall of the dead as possible. After a moment, Inej followed as well.

---

Inej, Kaz, Arken, and I were walking towards our transport, I had no idea where Jesper was. I had the goat on a leash so he was walking beside me.

"We're almost there." Arken encouraged us. It was quite a long walk, and we were all extremely tired.

"Where the hell is Jesper?" I asked no one in particular. We walked up to a sign that advertised the fact that there were landmines surrounding the area.

"Landmines," Inej pointed out.

"We'll wait," Kaz said for all of us, "Follow the path you carve."

"That sign, that was my idea to keep people away, can't be too careful." I completely agree with that last statement, it is better to make your protection 3 times more than it needs to be, just to be safe. We followed Arken to what looked like a steampunk boat on train tracks. I was trying desperately to avoid thinking about the fold that was only a few yards away. I could feel the darkness calling me, but I couldn't give in to it with Arken and Inej nearby.

"It's one thing hearing about it, but this is-" Inej started, Arken cut her off.

"Nothing compared to what lies within." I was getting anxious, I was barely able to not blend into the darkness and I was outside the fold. I was really worried I would lose control when we went into it.

"Goat, Jurda," Arken listed off. "Now we're just waiting on.."

"WAIT FOR ME!!!" We all turned at the speed of light to see Jesper running towards us with a bundle of people chasing after him.

"Shit Jesper, what the hell did you do this time?" I voiced. We heard a few gunshots, and I said a quick prayer that Jesper was alright.

"They can't see the train!" Arken said in a hurry, grabbing the torch he had previously given to Inej.

"Jesper, get here now!" I shouted, hoping that would get him to hurry.

"Leave the lantern!" Kaz added.

"LANDMINES!?" I heard another shot fired, as Jesper dropped his lantern. I couldn't see him anymore, and I tried to listen to his heart to make sure he is alright.
"Oh, wait for me!" He shouted in our direction. "DON'T YOU GO WITHOUT ME!!" Saints, this boy was dramatic.

He finally reached the train, and Kaz rushed him in so he could close the doors.

"Go on, after him!" I heard the men shout before Kaz closed us off. Jesper handed a bag to Arken.

"Please tell me you have twenty pounds of alabaster coal." Arken said, almost pleading.

"Slight snag in the plan," Jesper started, looking at Kaz and I as he spoke.

"Turns out the kid who was helping me buy the coal, didn't exactly know how to, uh, buy coal?" If we weren't in such a high-pressure situation, I would have laughed at Jesper's absurd story.

"We know you gambled it away," I said. Jesper looked at me sadly.

"I lost a little bit of the money," I gave him a look of disbelief, and he told the truth this time. "I lost all of the money. Uh, but, I managed to steal 20 pounds of alabaster coal." Arken finished weighing the bag, and interjected, "16 pounds." Jesper then continued, "16 pounds of alabaster coal." Kaz looked at Arken, I could hear everyone's hearts beating frantically.

"Can we do it on 16?" He asked. 

"Never been done before." We heard more gunshots coming from behind us, and this made us speed up even more.

"Sit here. Never shift your weight." Arken instructed. I sat next to Kaz, on the other side of me was Inej, and Jesper sat against the door. Arken pulled up the sleeve of his shirt and revealed the scars formed in tick marks. There were 11.

"You've crossed that many times?" Inej asked.

"It's a numbers game, cross this many times and you get nightmares." He responded. I couldn't agree more. It only gets increasingly terrifying the more you cross it. I had done so many times, and am haunted by the experience for several months afterward. Inej grabbed one of her knives and held it to her chest, saying a silent prayer. We heard an explosion come from behind us, and Jesper whispered, "Landmines!"

"I thought you said they weren't real!?" I asked the conductor, angrily. We could have died!

"I said nothing of the sort. I just said I put up the sign myself." I could tell Kaz was getting progressively more irritated, and he was scared for all of our lives. 

And with that, the conductor put some coal into the engine and started to move us. I grabbed Kaz's hand, and he squeezed mine hard in return, finding comfort in each others presence. We were entering the fold.