Wunderous Oneshots

Pet Store

~I wrote this whilst watching the Office... so... uhhh... idk... maybe you can tell just a little?~

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Ding

The sound of the bell on the door catches my attention and I look up as the cold wind rushes in.

A young couple enters, holding hands and chatting away happily.

Resisting the urge to roll my eyes at the looks they're giving each other, I nudge one of the employees standing near me.

"Mars- ah... Saturn? Earth-"

"It's Jupiter."

"Yes, Venus! Go serve those customers."

He sighs before putting on a cheerful face and making his way over to them.

While I'm too far away to hear exactly what they're saying, I already know that the Pluto is doing a bad job. He never does anything right. Like that time he tried to sell a customer a budgie when they specifically said they wanted a bird. Honestly.

I make my way over to the couple, deciding to butt in before Uranus makes a fool of himself.

"All of our animals are very well cared for, and-"

"Excuse me, they need you elsewhere, Neptune."

"What-"

"Just go!"

Mercury shuffles away, and I step forward, my hand outstretched. The man shakes it.

"Ezra Squall, manager of this store." I don't bother smiling. It proves nothing. "Sorry about that idiot, he doesn't really know what he's doing."

The two of them share a look and I narrow my eyes. "Let's get down to business. What are you looking for?"

"We thought maybe-"

"Over here we have the finest selection of mongrels, and over here we have a specialised selection of felines!"

The girl, looking as though she came straight from a haunted house, smiles at me. The audacity.

"Yes, actually, we would love to have a look at some of the kittens! We just moved in together and thought adding a pet to the mix would make everything complete!"

I scoff. "Animals are not pets, animals live to serve! But yes, you can take a look at our younger felines."

I show them over to the section where we keep a very special breed.

"Aw, Jack, look at them!" She gushes.

The man, Jack, grins at her. "Which one do you want?"

She stares at them all for a moment, before scooping one into her hands. "This one!"

It's the only black one in amongst the greys and whites. How basic.

"Yes, yes, very nice! Now if you'll follow me this way you can pay and be on your way!" I usher them over to the cash register.

One of my subordinates is already standing at the cashier, ready to serve, so I let him do the work.

"Is that all? Would you like any cat feed or toys? We have a great sale on-"

Ugh.

"No! Nope! That's all! Let them buy the cat, Hawthorne."

Honestly. The hottest guy at the store, apart from myself, but he can't sell a damn cat.

The couple quickly pays and leaves. Thankfully. They were too cheerful for my liking.

I rub my hands together gleefully and I can't help but let myself laugh. "MwahahahahahHAHAHAHA UGHh uhuh ehhh. Errr. Errg." My throat decided to itch at that exact moment. Typical.

"You alright there, boss?" Black Hole asks.

I sneer at him. "Yes, Asteroid. Everything is perfect. You have no idea."

None of them have any idea. Everything is going perfectly. My plan has been set in motion and nothing can stop it. Little do they know.

The kitten I sold to the stupid, happy couple was a robot. An evil robot at that. It has been programmed to take over the world. Every customer is a pawn in my game. My plan to control every pet in the world, thus creating a purrfect army, is unstoppable. Because of their irresistible adorableness, all humans will be lulled into a false sense of security. Then my army shall be released and I will watch as they kill all my enemies with their sweet little claws and miniature fangs! Little do they know... 

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~don't ask~