Our Little Secret ||Historical Lams Oneshots||

Kisses

first of all, i owe you guys an apology for disappearing for like (two? three?) months and not updating or saying barely anything, lol. in full honesty, my mental health had begun to take a turn for the worse and i couldn't bring myself to write despite how much i wanted to. i'm okay now, so i'll try to start updating more frequently like i used to :)

secondly i very full-heartedly apologize for whatever the hell happened last update lmao

you guys deserve some fluff so here

also if you couldn't tell i'm just getting lazier with my titles

The first time I kissed John Laurens was after he'd returned, yet again, wounded from battle.

Seeing him return to our shared lodgings with a bandage wrapped around him in some area was something I'd assumed would become a typical sight, though it still pained me to see him injured. We rarely fought together, so I usually didn't know what had happened within the hours he would be gone.

And every second he was out of my presence, my fear for his safety increased until it was nearly unbearable.

That night, I remember it clearly, he'd been repeatedly apologizing; probably because my worry for him was practically written in ink across my face.

"Alexander, I'm sorry," John was saying, "I know I told you I'd be more careful but— mmph!-"

I could barely take it anymore and pulled his face down so I could press my lips to his. We were already close friends—closer than most—but my feelings for him had been growing stronger every day, and I knew he was more than a friend.

John stood frozen for a moment too long and I pulled away. Reality finally hit me in the face as I processed what I'd just done.

"John, forgive me, I shouldn't have-" I started, my voice weakening as I sheepishly met his eyes, though they weren't furious like I'd expected. "I shouldn't have done that..."

His hand lightly brushed the side of my face. He murmured something I couldn't hear, then asked, almost hesitantly, "Can I kiss you, Alexander?"

"I- what?"

He softly repeated his question that, in truth, I'd heard perfectly. "Can I kiss you, Alex?" His eyes darted to my lips and I nodded.

And that was the second time I kissed John Laurens.

~•~

The third time I kissed John Laurens was a time I'd never forget.

I was pacing the length of the tent, my hands running through my hair in distress. "What I did was a mistake- I told you, I don't want you getting attached—"

John scoffed and interrupted me. "Says the one who..." He cleared his throat. "Who said I was attached? Alexander, we are merely friends."

"You know as well as I do that that is no longer true." I replied, my voice growing soft.

"Alex, I don't see your point."

I whirled around to face him, almost seeing red. "Alright, John, let me put it simply. Your father's a Congressman, right? Mine? Mine is gone. My mother is dead. My cousin, dead. I haven't heard from my brother in ages," Why am I saying this? "I loved them, and they left. That's what happens when I get attached." Once I'd started, I couldn't stop.