Our Little Secret ||Historical Lams Oneshots||

A Part for the Public and Another for You

The candlelight flickered as Alex rambled on about the Schuyler girl he was courting. The other three of us, Tilghman, Meade, and I, sat around a table at the tavern, listening intently. "Elizabeth has these sparkling black eyes that border on onyx," he said, his face lighting up. "And-"

"Already on a first-name basis, are we, Alexander?" Tilghman asked. Alex blushed. "Shut up, Tench." he said, shoving him playfully onto Meade. I forced a laugh. Alex put his hand atop mine and looked at me with a smile.

I cleared my throat. "I'm glad you're happy, Alexander," I said, genuinely. "And I'm sure she loves you very much." I swallowed to avoid my voice breaking. Alex gripped my hand tighter. I smiled somewhat sadly at him. He beamed and went back to his speech.

I looked at the ground and attempted to ignore his words, although it didn't work very well. Elizabeth... beautiful... witty... love, love, love! The thoughts piled up in my head, and I didn't realize I was crying until Alex stopped talking and, leaning over, grasped my other hand.

"Are you alright, John?" he asked. I bit my lip as I looked up at the other three men, who all had concerned expressions plastered on their faces. I wiped my eyes with the ball of my hand and shook my head. Standing up abruptly, I gently tugged my hands out of Alex's hold and strode outside into the chilly autumn air. I leaned against the brick wall and squeezed my eyes shut, a quiet sob escaping.

The door opened softly, and I heard lithe footsteps. "John...?" Alex's voice. "What's wrong, dear boy?" I felt him raise a hand to my face. My eyes fluttered open, and I saw Alex standing in front of me, his eyebrows tilted upwards in a worried look. I just turned my head away from him.

"Is this about Betsy?" he asked, the term of endearment for Elizabeth only making tears bead in the corners of my eyes. I nodded slightly. "Oh... Jack... I'm so sorry, I wish there was a way-"

"But there isn't," I snapped, making him pull his hand back. "There isn't a way for us, and you know that."

"I do."

"Besides, Schuyler can give you everything I can't," I said softly. "A family, a life, hell, she can love you without being threatened by death." We both sighed, knowing that neither of us could give the other what I had said, no matter how much we wished to.

"John, look at me, please," Alex said. I obliged, but avoided eye contact, instead focusing on the curls that frizzed at the top of his head. "You're first in my heart, and you always will be," His bold statement made me meet his gaze. His deep blue eyes shone. "How can I prove that to you?"

Rather than responding, I took his face in my hands, somewhat unconsciously, and my vision drifted down to his lips. "I know one way..." I whispered. Our faces moved close enough that I could feel his warm breath down my throat. Our lips were millimeters apart when...

"There you two are!" Meade exclaimed, making Alex and I spring apart, blushing messes. "We were wondering what you had gone off to do!"

"How long were we out here?" I asked. Meade shrugged. "I daresay twenty minutes." he said. My eyes widened. "I suppose time flies when you're..." Alex started. He glanced at me and cleared his throat. "Anyway, did you need something?"

"Oh, Tench and I are just going to retire for the night." Meade said, motioning at the door. I nod. "Good night," I said. "See you in the morning." Meade opened his mouth as if to say something.

"John and I need to finish something." Alex said. I blushed lightly and diverted my gaze downwards.

Tilghman came out just then. He bid Alex and I goodnight, and left with Meade.

Alex waited until the two were out of sight before looping his arms around my neck. "Now, where were we...?" he asked, looking at me through his eyelashes as his eyes fluttered closed. His face moved nearer to mine, and I felt a sudden urge to push him away.

I stood there, dumbly, as Alex's silent breaths warmed my face. His half-parted lips only increased the want-no, the need-that resided deep in me to kiss him. I felt myself drifting closer to him and he became the only thing I could see.

"Alexander..." I whispered.

"John..." Alex murmured. "Can I kiss you... please?"

I responded not in words, but instead moved ever closer to him, my lips a hairsbreadth from his.

I'm not sure who initiated the kiss, but our mouths were suddenly on each other's, hungry, desperate, kissing, kissing, kissing. Our hands were all over the other, touching everywhere we could. I let the rest of the world fall away: rules, expectations, Elizabeth. Nothing, absolutely nothing, could take away this moment.

Take me, I begged him silently, not wanting to break our contact. Do what you want with me; I'm yours! I grabbed his wrist and pinned the smaller man against the brick wall, holding his hand above him. Alex's hand ran up my back and his other slipped a bit lower.

I startled and froze for a moment as he continued to move his lips against mine and pull my face nearer to his. I placed my hands on his chest and pushed myself off of him gently, and he fell forward slightly as he tried to re-engage the kiss. His hand stayed placed... there.

"Do you want to do it, John?" Alex asked softly.

"Of course I do, but..." I trailed off, remembering the major obstacle in our way. "Elizabeth..." Alex put his hand on my cheek, caressing it lightly. I stared into the captivating eyes of the man I loved, who was courting another. "Oh, my dearest Jack," he whispered. "How can I show you that you will always be the first in my affections, no matter what lady strides into my sensibilities?"

I blushed at his words. "Oh, then yes," I breathed. "I want it; I want you." Alex smiled softly, in a way only he could, and grasped my hands.

We went back to the camp together.

And he proved his words were truth.

~~~

My Dearest, John,
In spite of Schuyler's black eyes, I have still a part for the public and another for you; so your impatience to have me married is misplaced; a strange cure by the way, as if I was to be less devoted after matrimony than I am now. Let me tell you, that I intend to restore the empire of Hymen and that Cupid is to be its prime Minister. I wish you were at liberty to transgress the bounds of Pensylvania. I would invite you after the fall to Albany to be witness to the final consummation. My Mistress is a good girl, and she already loves you because I have told her you are a clever fellow and my friend; but mind, she loves you a l'americaine not a la françoise.
Adieu, be happy, and let friendship between us be more than a name,
A. Hamilton

~~~